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[uniquejay-blog1]

If I Was - (방탄소년단)  정국: Jungkook x Reader {ANGST}

Word count: 2024 Date written: 4/29/2017 Genre: A kitten named Angst Inspiration: My constant social anxiety, fear, and dreams

더 나은 세상을 만들고 꿈을 이루십시오. 

“(Y/n)!”

You turned your head to grin at the six boys. Clicking the door closed, you kicked off your shoes and clambered into the BTS dorm.

Hoseok, who had called your name, stood up to help you with the bags of food.

“Ya, I buy you guys food but I only get Hoseok’s greeting?” You puffed playfully.

The other boys sitting in front of the game console laughed in reply and quickly paused their competition. They shuffled towards you and exchanged hugs, ruffling your hair and smiling brightly.

As they opened the food bags and began to dig in, you looked around for the missing member.

With a raised eyebrow, you asked curiously, “Hey, where’s Jungkook?”

Taehyung motioned to the shared room of Rapmon and JK. He didn’t bother to say a word. He knew that you knew exactly what he meant. With a sigh, you gazed at the closed door. With a trained ear, you could hear the muffled laughs and enthusiastic conversations coming from Jungkook’s mouth.

Gathering up your courage, you forced yourself to walk towards that closed door. That closed door that you’ve been trying to open for so long.

Knock knock

“Hey, Jungkook? Food’s here, come out and play games with us!” Your lips quivered.

There was a muffled ‘sorry’ and a couple footsteps, until the aforementioned man gruffly opened the door. With an apologetic grin, he nodded his head and stretched out his arms with puppy eyes. You smiled softly and nodded slowly, shuffled to the living room, picking up one of the takeout containers, you filled it with all of Jungkook’s favorites and placed some napkins on the side.

The members watched your form disappear into the corner, as if feeling your pain permeate their own souls.

You forced an energetic grin onto your face and held out the container. Jungkook thanked you quickly and gently closed the door, resuming his over-the-phone conversation from before. You stood in front of his room for a solid minute, not knowing what to do.

“I’m going out for a bit. Go to sleep if I don’t come back, don’t wait for me.” You mumbled, grabbing a jacket and the dorm keys.

Jimin gazed at your back and sighed. “Come into my room when you come back. Stop sleeping on the couch when we’re sharing rooms.”

You lifted up a hand to wave and affirm Jimin’s words, heading out into the cold air of the night.

Now...where was I? Ah...that’s right. Explaining the reasons behind your pain.

You met BTS at Kcon two years ago. They had just performed and walked offstage, watching as you took the stage next. They seemed to be stuck in your performance, listening to your voice and movements with the backup dancers. Your song was incredible and mind-numbing. There was clear talent and emotion in every aspect of your performance.

As you walked off the stage, sweaty and happy, they caught up to you before you headed out to meet fans.

“Hey, that was incredible.”

That single phrase ended up bringing the two of you together: (Y/n) and BTS. They got your number and decided on trying to create an album together, much to your surprise.

It wasn’t long until a year passed, and your bond with the Korean boyband was stronger than ever. Although you were a Korean-American and lived in America as a Youtuber and artist, the long-distance friendship you had with BTS left ample time for the both of you to get priorities straight and still connect.

Soon, the time to go on a tour approached. You had planned to go on tour to perform your new album and promote your movie, as well as connect with your beloved fans.

The best thing about that tour?

Korea was on the list.

You flew to Korea for the tour, for exactly 6 months. It was the best part of the tour. You were picked up by Yoongi and Jin, and the members fought over who was going to share their room with you. Funny enough, the 3 member-shared room won.

During this time, you realized that Jungkook was not usually with BTS. You were confused, and asked Taehyung and Jimin about it. They explained that he had actually gotten a girlfriend and had become much more absorbed in her than anything else.

Unfortunately for you, you had developed a crush on the maknae. However, hiding said feelings were as easy as fake-smiling. After all, you’ve only had one crush, who “crush”ed you with rejection. Hearing that Jungkook had a girlfriend shocked you and hurt you. But as his best friend, you would always support him.

No matter how much it hurt.

So now, back in the present, you ended up all the way at Han River. It was the perfect place to simply sit and contemplate life. But your head was spinning. Closing your eyes, you listened to the faint sound of the waterworks coming from the bridge. Suddenly, all too suddenly, a feminine voice was heard laughing and talking, nearing your rigid body.

Looking up sadly, your eyes widened in surprise as you caught the eyes of the woman nearby. It was Jungkook’s girlfriend. Panic filled you and without another second, your feet had taken you miles away from the river.

Glancing back, you watched her step petitely, avoiding all possibilities of dirt or germs. The lights from the bridge brightened, illuminating her stunning figure on the concrete. With a pang of sadness, you tucked your negative feelings within your heart once again and ran off.

~??? POV~

“Jungkook, come on! (Y/n)’s not that great.” I said.

“She is, you just…”

I didn’t hear the last of Jungkook’s sentence. Speak of the devil, (Y/n) was standing in front of me. But suddenly, she ran away. That made me think for a moment.

“Hey Jungkook?”

“What?”

“Why are we keeping our relationship a secret again?”

“So that ARMYs don’t go crazy and they don’t hurt you or us.”

“I see. I wonder what would happen if someone were to reveal it.”

“I would hate that person forever.”

Perfect.

~Normal POV~

Click

You gently opened and closed the door to BTS’ dorm. It was around 1 am now, just 15 minutes after you had seen Jungkook’s girlfriend.

They must still be talking.

Walking into the living room, you stopped in shock. Jungkook was on the couch, still on the phone. Looks like you were right. He looked up at you, and you quickly looked away, all of the negative feelings resurfacing. Denying your pain and dubbing it selfish, you slipped your shoes back on.

Jungkook called out to you, but you were already out the door again. Planning to sleep on the couch again was a bad idea, but you didn’t want to bother Jimin or the others by walking into their room noisily.

With a sigh, you revved up your car and pulled out of the parking lot, driving to a nearby hotel.

“Thank you, your room number is 153.” The receptionist smiled warmly, handing you a keycard and motioning towards the elevator.

With a curt nod and bow, you turned to walk away. “Wait. You’re (Y/n), aren’t you?”

Surprised, you spun around and grinned. “Yeah, heh. You know me?”

The receptionist smiled brightly and nodded. “I’m a big fan. You’re incredible, you know.”

“Thank you for caring. Would you like to take a picture?”

She nodded quickly and stood up. She looked much younger now. After a picture, she clutched her arm and asked something you never heard before.

“(Y/n)...will you talk to me?”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “I’m sorry?”

“You just seem troubled. It hurts to see you in pain.”

You smiled.

“Thank you for caring.”

~A little while later~

Dropping your backpack on the floor of the hotel suite, you sat down on the bed. Gazing at the window, you examined the beauty of Seoul. The lights twinkled like stars and the moon cast a warm glow. The nearby water of the Han River reflected every ray of light.

That was the last thing you could remember before drifting off to sleep.

The next day, you checked out of the hotel and said a polite goodbye to the receptionist.

Ping

You unlocked your phone, looking down at the sudden flood of tweets you had received within the last minute.

“5,029 tweets saying #exposed #Jungkookrelationship #(Y/n)betrayal #HanRiver #revealed”

“What the hell?!” You nearly shouted.

#jungkookrelationship #(Y/n)betrayal

What’s...going on?!

As you drove back to the BTS dorm, your heart pounded and your palms were clammy. Fear overtook you and all you could do was breathe as steadily as you could.

Jungkook...please...don’t believe those tweets...I would never, you know I would never do that...even my fans know it isn’t me...there’s so much proof

Ping

From: MonMon - 9:32 AM {(Y/n), where were you last night? Jungkook’s relationship was revealed this morning and the person is claiming to be you}

Ping

From: 치치 - 9:33 AM {Don’t come back, Jungkook is furious and doesn’t believe us when we’re saying it wasn’t you}

Ping

From: 엄마 - 9:33 AM {You might want to come back, even if Jimin told you not to. Jungkook will break something if you don’t get back soon}

You trembled as your car automatically voiced your messages, the awkward pronunciation of the Korean language lessening your fear for just a fraction of a second.

With a deep breath, you pulled into the dorm parking lot.

Click

You opened the door to the dorm, peeking inside. It was as if time stopped. BTS looked at you, Jimin and Hoseok holding Jungkook back, Rapmon crossing his arms and nearly at the wrath of Jungkook, Taehyung holding his phone most likely about to text you, Jin holding his head in his hands, and Yoongi leaning against the wall near the door.

Then, all hell broke loose.

Jungkook charged for you and pulled himself away from Jimin and Hoseok’s grips, and Yoongi pulled you into a protective hug.

“How could you?! YOU KNEW IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME! SHE MEANT THE WORLD TO ME!”

His screams terrified you. You’ve seen Jungkook mildly upset before, but never like this. You heart hurt and his furious eyes burned holes into your soul.

“I didn’t do it, Jungkook!” You yelled back.

The singer scoffed and shouted, “It was clearly you! Don’t play dumb, it’s not going to work this time!”

“THIS TIME?! When have I ever “played dumb”?!” You were slowly reaching your limit of tolerance.

“When?! You clearly can’t tell you’re always dumb! You can’t even do things right!”

Yoongi gripped you tighter and your body was pushed further into his embrace. You could tell he was getting fed up as well.

“I’m not perfect! And also, this wasn’t even my fault! Why won’t you trust me?”

Jungkook glared harder. “Trust you?! You’re my best friend! How could I trust you if you revealed my private relationship to the entire world?! You’re my BEST FRIEND!”

“If I was your best friend you would know that I would never stoop so low as to destroy your happiness! If I was your best friend you would know that your happiness is my happiness! If I was your best friend you would notice my pain from your ignorance! If I was your best friend you would’ve seen my love for you! But clearly, I’m not!” Your voice finally gave out.

Before you knew it, tears were streaming down your cheeks and you had torn yourself away from Yoongi, bolting out the door with a frozen Jungkook standing in the doorway. Jimin quickly ran after you, easily catching up to your stumbling form.

Your sight was blurry as he collected you in his arms.

“Stop, Jimin, no, just-”

The constant struggling forced him to hold you tighter, trying to calm you down. Breaking out of his strong arms, you shook your head and started to run. What was left with Jimin was your final words.

“Jimin, I can’t...I can’t do this anymore…”

[uniquejay-blog1]

Unique Calamity - 방탄소년단 (BTS) x Reader {Best Friends} [Angst Oneshot]

더 나은 세상을 만들고 꿈을 이루십시오.

"안녕!" You smiled softly at the screen in front of you. The gentle glow of the computer seemed to caress you with fluttering rays of light.

It's been nearly 1 year since you've met BTS and became their best friend.

Nearly 3 years that you've had that one dream.

Nearly 2 months since you've quietly anchored your feelings within your heart.

But that's not the best place to begin, is it? Let's start from the very beginning. The beginning of a treacherous journey.

~XX, XX, 20XX~ {Reader's POV}

It started a couple years ago. Three, to be exact. It was hard to believe that perhaps just a couple of months before that time, I had absolutely no idea who BTS were. It just so happened that one day, a kpop fanatic decided to ask me who was the most attractive in the group.

"So...the one that's the most good-looking?" I quirked an eyebrow.

Was it normal to simply stalk boybands and stuff? This...was weird.

"Yeah, I guess." The Korean girl shifted in her seat next to me, adjusting the computer screen to avoid the Bio teacher's eyes.

I halfheartedly scanned the seven-member boyband.

'What the heck...they're all the freaking same.' I bitterly thought. 'Didn't she say Taehyung was hers? Man, that's not creepy at all...so maybe I should choose someone else to make sure she doesn't get mad at me or something...'

I awkwardly coughed and pointed to the male standing next to Taehyung. "Uh, this guy? I-I guess?"

To be completely honest, I didn't care about the looks of the boyband. Sure, I suppose they were good looking, but if they had talent and golden hearts, that's when I'd join the fandom. And even then, I could barely think of myself of a fan. More like...an awkward admirer...

The girl grinned and 'mm'ed. "So you think Jungkook looks the best?"

"Y-yeah!"

'Who even is this...I can barely tell the difference...' I thought, eyes swirling in confusion.

Before I could get a grasp on the current situation, the bell rang and the class quickly dispersed. However, I was curious to find out what the fuss was about.

~Afterschool that day~

"BTS....BTS BTS BTS..." I muttered softly to myself as I searched the Internet. "Ah...7-members...Korean boyband....ok..."

To my surprise, the rest of the day was spent in attempting to figure out the difference between Jungkook and Taehyung. That was successful, and soon I had gotten intrigued in their music, personalities, and overall presence.

~Fast-forward a couple of months~

Eventually, I had gotten hooked on the Korean boyband. Something was so...different about them. Kpop was generally an enjoyable genre; you either hate it or love it. While it's quite rare to find fans that think of kpop as another music genre and kpop idols as normal human beings, it was also quite rare to see such open idols and such a pure company.

It sparked something within me. I couldn't pinpoint why or how, but I felt that I had found...a purpose. A sudden purpose that I needed to fulfill. No matter how long it took.

I wanted to be BTS's friend. I wanted to support them by becoming an affiliate of their company, sponsoring them and creating a larger budget, and simply...do what I could as, not their "fan", but their friend.

Of course, that purpose had its drawbacks. I began mentally beating myself up, constantly repeating that this was unrealistic, selfish, and completely unnecessary. I got scared that I couldn't achieve the dream. I got scared that even if I was successful, I would be hated. I was scared that the members would be in the military before I had a chance to approach them.

And most of all, I was scared of being selfish.

Self-deprecation. That was the only thing on my mind everyday and every minute. I tore myself down and mentally bullied myself for having such thoughts. And yet, with every minute, the urge to achieve that dream grew stronger. And with that, the hate within myself, for myself, grew bigger.

This process continued every single day. I wished for things to move faster, I wished for the steps in my dream to be easier.

But a few years later, through every hardship and difficult time, I had finally achieved my dream. I had met the band by attending Kcon and performing, my Youtube fans being incredibly loyal and supportive. Backstage, I had seen them and casually talked, and...oddly enough, they seemed to sense something different within me as well.

When Kcon ended, the band didn't leave without giving me their contact information.  I had confessed my dream and to my utter surprise and slight humiliation, they were ecstatic. I would have cried on the spot if it wasn't for my stubbornness.

Fast forward a few months, and I had become their best friend. Hallelujah, I had taken up Korean as a child, and had decided to study abroad at Yonsei University. The time BTS and I had spent together grew longer and pleasant.

I had fun messing with the members.

I played dress-up with Jin.

I showed my swag side to Suga.

I rapped alongside Rapmon.

I danced and goofed around with Jhope.

I got teased because of my height with Jimin.

I acted weird and confusing with V.

I sang duets and wrestled with Jungkook.

All these things were the very things that kept me alive. They reminded me that I was not only supporting an amazing kpop group and company, I was also creating a better world through my other projects. All was well until a day I never assumed would come.

Because of me, BTS grew closer to new people of status and received better friends because of their experience with me. They learned how to open up and be friendlier; they made good friends and exchanged numbers within minutes. They created friend groups that soon didn't include me.

I had to come to the ultimate conclusion that...I was no longer their best friend. I was forgotten and once again, my friends and loved ones left me.

I shouldn't be too surprised, right? Maybe I should've seen this coming. Maybe it's me at fault.

Maybe I have a bad personality.

Maybe they don't enjoy my friendship anymore.

Maybe they've gotten bored with just me.

Maybe I'm not unique anymore.

Maybe I'm not...good enough.

That's it. I 'm not good enough. That was the reason for the other times, wasn't it? Yeah..

Soon, I decided to speak to Jimin about my troubles. Jimin was the comforter for BTS; I was Jimin's comforter. Even so, he found ways to comfort me even when I was comforting him.

"Jimin?" I knocked gently on his door.

Jimin mumbled a 'yeah' and shuffled to open aforementioned door. He gazed at me for a second, as if confused. Snapping out of his trance, he pulled me inside and shut the door. Scanning my nearly weeping face, he sat me down on his bed.

"What's wrong?" His face clouded with concern. It was hard not to scoff.

Words refused to escape my mouth. They would only bring trouble. However, I forced myself to say something. "Jimin...am I not good enough?"

That simple question dragged my tears out of my eyes, dripping like melancholic raindrops down my cheeks. It seemed to destroy his heart as well.

"What do you mean? Of course you're good enough! Did someone hurt you? Did you have a boyfriend and not tell us? Did he break up with you? Oh my go-"

I shook my head at the last question furiously. Jimin shut his mouth and scooped me into his arms in a brotherly hug.

"You have more friends, Jimin...it's like I'm not unique anymore...I'm not your best friend anymore...I'm so selfish...I wish I was the only one who could make you guys smile like that..." I sniffed and clenched my fists in anger.

Jimin's heart skipped a beat and his mouth curved into a frown. This was the reason you looked like a destroyed puppy? He was terribly upset.

"(Y/n)...hey, no...you're still special, you're our best friend...don't think like that..." Jimin was quick to disagree.

The night went on with Jimin and I talking our hearts out, and by the early morning, I felt better and relaxed. I ended up heading out to class the next morning while the boys hung out alone, and I trusted myself not to be selfish with BTS again. They were allowed to have good friends, of course. It's simply selfish to wish I was their "bestest" friend.

The day went on like normal; classes, lunch, and soon another school day was over. Especially so, the term for university was over and I had officially finished my second year of university.

The afternoon seemed decent as I trekked on to BTS' dorm.

"Hey guys I bought some 떡, let's eat-"

My jaw went slack as I witnessed BTS fawning over another girl around my age. With an awkward cough, I gazed at the girl giggling. The group didn't even notice me, and I left the food on the table.

"Excuse me..." I shyly called out. Social anxiety was taking over at the wrong time.

The girl looked up and blushed at the sight of someone watching her. I held in a gag and watched BTS mumble excuses and saying that "they weren't that close".

I shook my head slowly and tuned out the laughing and joking around. It hurt to see that my best friends had already found better and bigger groups of friends. The group didn't even notice my retreating form into the shared room of Jungkook and I. Being closest in age with the maknae made the relationship between the two of us quite stable, that is, until now.

Feeling the urge to run, I quickly began packing my suitcase and didn't notice the presence of Jimin approach me.

"(Y/n)..."

I yelped in surprise and acquired a martial arts pose. Seeing that it was Jimin, I let out a resigned sigh and dropped my arms.

"What?" My response sounded harsher than expected.

Jimin let out an exasperated sigh, as if I had been causing trouble. "You know what. I told you, you're our best friend."

"Mhm."

I needed to run. I didn't know where. But I did. I quickly tried to run past Jimin but his agility and speed caught me off guard. He gripped my arm harshly and I nearly yelled in pain.

His eyebrows crumpled in confusion and suddenly his eyes widened. I turned away in fear as he pushed up the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

Laying there were 5 cuts. There were some fresh ones and some not so fresh ones. But they all meant the same thing.

"(Y/n), no no no no, why?!" Jimin's voice cracked and pain and it was hard not to pull away from him and run.

"Jimin, you know why. I didn't know what else to do. You don't know what goes on in my life besides you guys too."

The male simply stared in sadness and at the moment of weakness, I bolted out of the dorm, refusing to look at the other 6 members on the couch.

I heard yelling and shouting, and within seconds, BTS was running right after me. I looked back for a moment before carelessly crossing the street.

Cliche, right? Exactly.

I couldn't see the car coming straight for me.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I couldn't move, feel, or see anything. However, my ears seemed to work just fine.

The last thing I remembered was BTS singing.

"Thank you for letting me be me. Your unique calamity saves me."

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP-