unexpressedlifestyle

[unexpressedlifestyle]

3127

That’s how many days it’s been since you shouted my name in the club and my heart fell and landed in your hands.

8 years

6 months

3 weeks

And you kept it ever since

I cannot do this. I can’t take it. You’re my fucking dream. And I’ve watched someone else live my dream…

You’re my best friend, the light in all the darkest spaces of my life. The stars in my night sky. The rising sun in my mornings. You’re the light that I chase when I run through this tunnel that I call my life. The gold at the end of the rainbow. But I’ve been shooting for those stars, running towards that light, and chasing that gold for far too long. Even when I think I’ve stopped, my body aches, my mind cries for rest, because unknowingly, I never stopped running towards that light for 3127 days.

Insha Allah, in another life, or if I’m worthy of paradise, I will know that I’m there when I look beside me and I see you standing with me. You’re not my soul mate. You are my soul. My life started and ended with you. There’s no Sal without Zainoo.

I love you so much.

One day, you’ll understand. And who knows, maybe one day you’ll stand beside me in paradise. Insha Allah. I make dua, not that you’ll be with me, but that you’ll be happy.

And my heart cries out in hope that you’ll be happy beside me. Because for me, paradise cannot exist without the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen

I’ve lost people in my life. Permanently. And I know how it feels to lose someone and never get the chance to say one last thing to them. The regret is unbearable.

After this message I won’t trouble you with this anymore. We’ll carry on as normal. But I’ll be damned if I don’t tell you the whole truth just ONE more time.

I regret every second that I didn’t hold your hand, every second that I didn’t hug you tightly, every second that I didn’t kiss you, every second that I didn’t tell you that you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and every second that I didn’t tell you and show you how much I love you

[unexpressedlifestyle]

Soul Mates

12 November 2017 00:00

I believe that no human being is perfect. We are incomplete in the sense that we are imperfect. And we can only be perfect if we are complete. No matter how great we are as people, we cannot have all the traits to make up perfection. Those who are intelligent, may be lazy. Those who are strong, may lack emotion. Those who are fast, might miss out on what passes them by. While I believe no human being is perfect, I still do believe in perfection. And perfection comes when two incomplete and imperfect souls fit together like two puzzle pieces. The meeting, and connection of two soul mates, is the completion of perfection. That is the point at which two souls become complete. Those who are intelligent, now find the drive to rid themselves of laziness through their soul mate. Those who are strong, learn the value of emotion and feeling when their hearts connect with their soul mates. And those who are fast, freeze in time by the touch of a hand or the sound of a voice coming from their soul mate, as they learn to cherish every moment that passes them by.

You see, completion exists and with that, so too does perfection. Although, as with many wonderful things in life, there is always a catch. Our souls encounter flames, and they encounter blizzards. As they burn and freeze throughout our life time, trying to connect with souls that leave them incomplete. So the catch, which affects all of our souls, is that one has to be truly and incredibly lucky, to find that soul, but more importantly, to HOLD ON TO THAT SOUL, that completes them, like the missing screw in a structure, or, like a conclusion to a piece of writing...

Salmaan Abrahams

Soul Mates

For Zainab Hussain Shah. My one, true Soul Mate. I miss you

[unexpressedlifestyle]

I miss you

Today I lit up a cigarette and found myself wondering around the venue of our first date. I walked past the restaurant and with a smile I glanced at the couple sharing a meal at the very same table where you and I were seated on the 19th of April. I saw them smile and heard them laugh as they looked at each other with only happiness in their expression. Remember when that was us? I miss you. While wondering around a place filled with individuals on a beautiful sunday afternoon I found myself searching for your face among the crowds with no idea or thought of where you might be but just hoping that I could be so lucky to see you once again but to no avail. Yet I wonder what would hurt more, not seeing you or seeing you look at me the way you do now, with disgust and regret as though I am the worst thing you have ever loved. I miss you. This morning, at 4 AM in my restless state, it all made sense. It all makes sense why I can no longer experience the beauty of sleep. Its because almost all the beauty walked out of my life when you left. Everyday with you was a dream, a dream I never wanted to wake up from. A dream that went far beyond the bases of perfection. And now I have woken up, and I fail to fall asleep again. I find myself awake at the earliest hours of the morning and darkest times of the night crying into my pillow, shouting your name hoping that it echoes in the night sky so that you can hear how my heart longs for your presence. I miss you. At 5 AM, with tears still running down my face I climbed to the rooftop hoping to catch the sunrise to see if any beauty still exists in this life of mine, in your absence. Much to my joy I witnessed the bright orange rays of sunlight rising through the clouds and the light blue returning to the darkened sky, a beautiful sight. And all I could think about was you. When I see the sun rising above the hill, or I see the stars in the night sky, I realise that everything beautiful reminds me of you Zainoo. And as the sun rose above me all I wished for in that moment of light, that moment of beauty, was for you to be beside me to witness God's miracles so that you could get a tiny sense of what it feels like when I look at you. I miss you.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

I love...

I miss... I miss your eyes, and how they'd glance up at me with a light resembling that of a thousand stars in a night sky on a beautiful summer's evening. I miss your voice, the soothing sound that passed through my ears every night before I'd rest. My favourite melody. I miss your hair, my favourite hobby, running my fingers through your hair while getting lost in your eyes to experience my share of paradise. I miss your touch, holding your hand as if to complete the broken puzzle of my life. I miss your smile. The smile which lit up my world and lit up my soul and provided me with the greatest gift of all: happiness. I miss you. I long... I long for our love. Our love that went so deep, we drowned in every ounce. I long for your happiness. The happiness that got you out of bed every morning with a smile on your face, the happiness that you ever so gracefully pass on to every soul that comes within touching distance of your being. I long for your presence. Your presence that lights up every dark corner of my soul and illuminates the rooms of my heart through the broken windows of my body. I long for you. I crave... I crave your voice at the darkest times of the night when the silence speaks louder than the noise of the day. I crave your soft touch and it's ability to free me from my worries and relieve me of my stress in the most beautiful and perfect way. I crave your lips and their capability of setting my soul ablaze and causing butterflies to swirl in my stomach. I crave you. I dream... I dream of our past, walking in a field of red roses on a path towards our perfect love which set our souls alight and brought our hearts delight. I dream of yesterday and the happiness we shared and I dream of a better tomorrow with joy so extravagant that one lacking imagination will fear it. I dream of us. I regret... I regret what I have become, how I have descended to a level far below your expectations of one whom once defined love in your eyes. I regret many words spoken in anger and pain and words unspoken in fear and uncertainty. I regret the nights I never called, the nights I never expressed my love for you, the days I never held on to you, the parts of you that I never kissed and the heart I never saved. I regret me. I love... I love, oh how I love the wave of energy that passes through the room when you walk in with the elegance of an angel my beloved. I'm in love with your existence. In love with the art created by the hand of God, his masterpiece created in the form of you. I love the irony in finding myself when I get lost in your eyes. I love the idea of worshipping you as my princess and moving mountains and crossing oceans for your smile because oh, how I love your smile. I love your nature and how every part of it makes me want to be a better me. I love you. I miss you. I long for you. I crave you. I dream of us. I regret me. I love you. With dreams, I only know us. With regret, I only know me. With love baby, I only know you. I love you.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

This Feeling I Call Love

Its a beautiful feeling. Here I sit writing a poem with the intention to describe its beauty knowing well that there are in fact no words to describe such perfection. The same way that it is impossible to find just one reason for loving her because I can get lost in her starry eyes in an instant and find a million things to love about her each and every time. So let us not think of this as a poem but rather as my heart and soul's best effort to describe the indescribable. This beautiful feeling. This feeling that I feel when I am in her presence. This feeling that I feel when ever I think about her. This feeling that I feel whenever I reminisce about us. This feeling that I have felt every single day since that fateful night, 'The Night I Met Her'. This beautiful feeling. So warm, so beautiful, so pure, so amazing. This feeling, this beautiful feeling is love. Real, pure, perfect love. I know its real love because I do not wish to be saved from it, instead its this feeling that's saving me. This beautiful feeling. This love. I know its real love because I do not want it to ever go away because it remains so pure, warm and beautiful. Life changing, life saving. I know its real love because they say love hurts but this feeling heals and I can honestly say that pain doesn't come from such a beautiful feeling, pain doesn't come from love but rather from the absence of it. The truth is I fell. I fell so hard for her and I keep falling. But its like falling into a bed of red rose petals. Graceful and beautiful. And I don't want to stop falling. I always knew I loved her. And my certainty increased the moment I saw her at her worst and my only desire was to fight till the death of me to get her back to her best. We always shared passion and feeling and among everything we shared humour so I won't hesitate to say that I knew she was the one when she asked for extra oreo on her McFlurry. The day she came to my house and expressed her happiness through actions of pure weirdness and craziness such as jumping from the top of my bed into my arms and crawling on the floor like a crazy kid, I knew even more that I was in love with her. She made my house feel like home. When my friends look at me and ask for a reason behind my ridiculous smile and crazy expressions of happiness my reply is "Thank Her". Thank her for helping me find myself. Thank her for being her. Thank her for helping me believe that God does indeed love us for he has sent down one of his angels to walk beside me. To me she is perfect. Perfect in ways that no one could imagine. Not even myself. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I just hope that every night before she falls asleep she is aware of this fact so that she can come to the realisation that she is indeed a work of art. This is love. Real love. Love that's about love. Love that brings warmth to the coldest parts of your soul. Love that heals the most damaged parts of your being. Love that is fruitful. Love that grows and helps us to grow. This is love. This is a beautiful feeling. I have never been fond of clichés so I will not mention the butterflies that fly around in my stomach because of this feeling but I will describe how it makes my stomach twirl in a beautiful spiral of warmth and purity. This is love. I am in love. I love her. I just hope she knows. I just hope she knows how purely, how gracefully and how fruitfully I do indeed love her. Each and every inch of her soul. Whenever she is lost I will tell her that there will always be one place she knows the way to, and that's my heart. She's the reason I can't sleep. Because suddenly, reality is far better than my dreams. Merry Christmas Yours Sincerely, Unconditional Lover

[unexpressedlifestyle]

Its you

They told me to be careful They said love hurts and falling to hard leaves you bruised I never listened I fell in love with you I walked into love with you Because with you all I felt was happiness Something pure, beautiful and fruitful You're not the woman of my dreams because I never could've dreamt of someone so amazing Where I once saw clouds I now see sun Where I once saw darkness I now see stars Where I once felt empty I now feel whole And its all because of you We don't always have it together but together we have it all I'll never hesitate to say that I love you because the moment I see you at your worst my desire is to lift you back up to your best My definition of love My happiness Its you And here I am below you still falling harder everyday for your perfection And I'm not afraid to fall because you take away all my fears and replace them with something beautiful I can't promise you perfection I myself am completely flawed But I'm kept together by the feeling you give me For you make me a better me

[unexpressedlifestyle]

I miss you...

20 October 2014 3:32 AM 3 days have passed since the last time I heard your voice. With each passing second I feel myself breaking down into tiny molecules of melancholy. I miss you. But that statement provides no justice to this overwhelming feeling that holds me on the verge of destruction. I miss the moments when we would stay up beyond our points of exhaustion, talking endlessly for hours, listening to each other's voices. All the late nights when you'd keep my demons away and I was no longer afraid of my thoughts because they all became about you. I miss the days when I'd make it my aspiration to bring about that smile of yours which lit up my world which had never seen light before. I miss the happiness posessed in those infinite moments where we held each other's hands and I'd get lost in your starry eyes. A place where I'd feel content and at peace with every tormenting thought and presence that had ever crossed my life. I miss your craziness. All the laughs we shared and how comfortable you were to express your happiness through your crazy yet perfect nature. I miss the moments where you'd rest your head against my chest and I'd ask you to listen to how my heart beats for you. And to this day, it beats for nothing else. I miss those nights where you managed to make my home finally feel like home. Where we would lay down together, legs intertwined, hearts beating in sync, in perfect silence, at peace with the quiet serenity knowing that we had each other, looking up for our eyes to meet each other's and allowing our lips to lock, pulling each other closer not wanting to let go. I miss standing beside you, having those few seconds to look at you only to remind myself that I couldn't take my eyes off of your stunning being. Those moments where I was blessed enough to view the appearance of perfection. I miss the nights where the final sound to pass through my ears before I rested would be your voice. That voice which could serenade me for many lifetimes. That voice which I could listen to for hours and never grow tired. I miss the mornings when I would wake up with sore jaws from constant smiling brought on by the happiness that you filled my life with. The mornings where I had the privilege of saying good morning to you and reminding you that I'm always beside you. I miss the nights where I always knew when something was bothering you, and you'd pour your heart out to me and express your feelings, your fears and your troubles and I'd listen to you and I'd be there to assure you that everything was gonna be okay. I miss the odd hours of the night when I would be kept awake by my thoughts of you, so restless yet so happy. I'd put pen to paper at 3 AM and create art on a parchment to describe my love for you and I'd have you read it whenever you woke. I miss being your new definition of love. I miss the times when I had the privilege of reminding you how perfect your soul is. Reminding you just how wonderful you are and how much I desired to hold your heart in my hand and keep you on a one way trail to love and happiness. Because from the moment I first layed my eyes on you in my intoxicated state, you had my heart in your hands, the only sober part of my body, which was beating for you from that very moment. And since then, you took care of it. I miss the nights when I was able to remind you that I would never leave your side. I miss being able to promise you that I will never let you down. Telling you that when your world seems like its falling I'll be the one to catch you the same way you caught my heart on that very fateful night in March. I miss being able to promise you all the love and happiness in the world. I miss being your promise of happiness. You are my everything. My world. I am made of my love for you. I am just a feeling. Without you I am lost in a forrest of darkness without a star to chase. I miss you. And what I miss the most, are the moments when I could hold your hand, look you in the eye with a smile on each of our faces, and tell you that I love you. My life with you was a journey of postive firsts. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I love you. In your absence I am so lost. And I miss you. You are my happiness personified. Without you, I am nothing.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

And it Feels Like July Again

31 August 11:02 PM I'm standing on the rooftop under the sky of a thousand stars, and it feels like July again. Tonight I was blessed with your presence and it felt like July again. For the time that we were together you were seemingly yourself once more. I saw the light return to your face and the stars return to your eyes as I got lost in them yet again to finally find myself once again. And it felt like July again. After so many days apart, days which felt like months I finally got to witness the miracle that is your smile again. We layed down together with our legs intertwined and our hearts beating in sync as I ran my fingers through your messy hair and you ran your hand across my neck knowing that you still posess the power over me. And it felt like july again. Once more I became lost in the rhythm of contentment and your eyes took me to a universe showing resemblance of heaven. And it felt like july again. You rested your head against my shoulder and wrapped your arm around mine and I've never been one to assume but for the first time in a while you seemed like yourself again and that was shown through your smile and your calm nature. As if all our problems temporarily took a trip to a distant land and it was just the two of us once more. And it felt like July again. I was reminded why I love you. Selfless love without reason. Trying to save your soul and make you remember the joy posessed in unconditional love. As we layed down on your bed I desired to pull you closer as our lips desired one another. We came as close as we could on the borderline of locking in each other's love, but we resisted. For your heart was lost and knew not of where it truly lies because we still possesed the power to send heat waves rushing through each other's bodies. And I felt the desire to set your soul ablaze once more and make you feel the happiness you posessed and described one month ago. So that it can feel like July again. For in the month of July you exclaimed that I was what kept you together. I will allow you to bury your sorrows in the deep trenches of my flesh once more to keep you together because angels are not meant to carry souls of darkness and therefore I desire to take you on journey to find yourself again so that it can feel like July again. Tonight I will place my head on my pillow with your voice being the last sound to pass through my ears. That voice which can serenade me for many lifetimes. I will fall asleep with you on my mind and dream of your happiness. Because it feels like July again. For we entered July on the back of a fateful night when you gave your heart away. When we kissed on the couch and my tongue swallowed all your pain. We opened our lips and desired each other's heat. As you once exclaimed, it was the first night to the rest of your life. Through thick and through thin I will take your soul in and love you unconditionally until every inch of sadness is ripped from your soul like a melancholic disease. And we will both remember July. And it will feel like July again. If it is true that I am what calms you down and my presence brings out your true inner self then I will hold on to you and let you hold on to me as tightly as you can as I simultaneously hold on to the memories of July. For when I got lost in your eyes for the very first time I truly found myself. I needed you and I now desire to take you on the same journey that your heart and soul took me on. In the hope that you will soon be yourself again. In the hope that it will feel like July again. I love you. I love all that you are, every inch and corner of your soul. I will always be here to keep you together. And it will feel like July again.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

The First Time I Saw Your Smile

I remember the first time I saw your smile. You caught my eye and a wave of happiness rushed through my entire body like the morning sunbeam illuminating a dark room after the passing of the night. I remember the first time I heard you laugh. All my problems, past and present had been forgotten and I was living in that moment through pure ecstacy brought on by the joy that you posessed and expressed through that smile which shined as bright as sunlight and that laugh which brought light to my dark day. I remember the first time I heard your voice. Every surrounding sound had been muted and all I heard was the voice of an angel so distinguished from everything and everyone around us. It has been months. Months which feel like years. But still, still I remember the night that I first layed my eyes on you like it was yesterday. Its since that night that all I've wanted is the sound that your virtuous voice allows. Its since that night that I've wanted my teary eyes to be blessed by the beauty posessed in your smile. Its since that night that I've wanted to experience the joy that you unknowingly pass onto others through that heavenly laugh. I seeked for joy in all the wrong places and as soon as you took the gracious step into my life I have found joy in the right places. In your smile, your voice, your laugh and your eyes which resemble the beauty of a thousand stars. I have found joy through bringing out that smile. I have found joy through the late night calls, staying up past my highest levels of exhaustion in order to hear your voice. I have found joy through all the jokes we've shared that brings out my joy after hearing you laugh. Through you I have found joy. Through you I have found myself. Because when I first got lost in your starry eyes I found myself. A beautiful irony. I pray to God that I may be blessed with the capabilities to bring out that smile and keep you on a one way trail to happiness making you forget every inch of sadness that ever existed in that beautiful, sensitive heart of yours. Because your happiness is my happiness and if I ever had to see you sad I would lose my joy and I would lose myself. But if I ever had to see you fall I would be right below you to catch you, the same way your beauty caught my eye the very first time. And the two of us will walk our way through the dark times till we find the light at the end of the tunnel. You will find your happiness and I will find myself in your smile, your laugh, your voice and your sparkling eyes. I have dreamt and I have believed. I have been broken and I have been disappointed. I stopped dreaming and I stopped believing. But now I dream of your happiness. Now I believe in you.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

My Shining Star

Nowadays when the sun sets, my eyes refuse to do the same as they once did. Instead of looking down to the ground I look up at the sky in anticipation to witness the brightness that exists within the night sky brought about by the shining stars that have suddenly appeared every night since I met you. You see they represent the light that exists during times of darkness. The light that can shine and shoot but can never be stopped. They represent your impact on my life. For ever since I met you, you have casted light upon this troubled life that I live, you have brightened up every dark aspect of my life and it never stops because much like the stars you can shoot and shine but can never be stopped. As I gaze upon each and every one of these bright stars I am reminded of the beauty that exists in your eyes even though the stars come nowhere close to matching that beauty. For in your eyes I tend to get lost each and every time yet in your eyes I tend to find myself. When the morning sunbeam casts itself in my direction I refuse to block out its bright light with my hand, instead I embrace the light and I let it enter my dark soul because it represents your light that I ever so gracefully allowed into my heart and soul. Your light that mysteriously found its way to the darkest points of my troubled being to shed brightness upon them to uplift my soul to lead me to this current point of love and happiness. When Augustus Waters poured his heart out to Hazel-Grace by telling her that he loved her after knowing her for only a short period of time I knew. I knew that the period of time that it takes for love to grow is never too short nor too long but it is instead dependent on the connection shared between two souls, it is instead dependent on the feeling that flows through one's veins and one's soul all the way down to one's heart. The feeling that you give me. The feeling of pure ecstacy that makes me feel ready to conquer the world, the feeling of pure happiness that makes me see the gates of heaven, the feeling of pure grace that makes me feel as though you have run your fingers through the knots in my soul. You see, the truth is, that I love you. But that statement does nothing to provide justice to my feelings so indeed I'd care to elaborate. I love you. Not in manner in which I expect to hear you say the same but instead in a manner where I expect you to feel loved. Where I expect you to feel important. A manner in which I care not for my own heart nor for my own well being but rather for that of your own. A manner in which I desire to make you so happy that you forget every inch of sadness that once existed in that beautiful heart and soul that belongs to you. A manner in which I do not want you to provide me with anything because your presence alone is enough to bless a poor soul with the enrichment of pure love and ecstacy. A manner in which I would be so honoured to have you lay back in peace without having to lift a finger letting me do whatever it takes until my last breath to make sure that you are happy. A manner in which I would walk away if ever you felt that my presence in your life brings you to the lowest points. Despite how much it would hurt to walk away. Because I love you. And when you truly love someone you care for nothing other than their own well being regardless of the fact that you may not be a part of it. That is the fine line between love and selfishness.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

I love you

“I love you, and that doesn’t describe my feelings very well, so I’ll try to elaborate, I want to paint constellations with your name, and plant trees that grow your favorite fruit, I want to dance with you, I want to twirl you around and catch you when you fall, I want to sleep with you, beside you, where I can hear your heart beat, and feel the sleepy touch of your skin, where I can wake up and be greeted with your kiss, I want to fight off your nightmares, and give you happiness, I want to shoot rainbows and stars across the sky that will guide you home, to me, I want my arms to be what you call home, I want to get lost in your eyes, and whisper beautiful words that don’t make sense into your lips, I want to hold your hands, I want to write poems for you that actually make sense, unlike this one, and every other one I’ve tried to write for you, I want you to understand my heartbeat, just like I want to understand yours, unshaken, and unwavering, I want to be yours, I want to see your face, and see what you look like in the rain, I want to arrive at your house at midnight unexpectedly, without it being weird, I want to take all your sadness, and all your pain and I want to rip it apart, I want to push you up against the wall, in the most innocent way, so that there’s no air stopping me from getting closer to you, so maybe I can get close enough to see who you really are, I want to give you my fragile heart, I want to stitch up your seams, I want to love you. I want you to understand that, and I want the world to know that, maybe this doesn’t make sense, but it would if you saw you the way I do, and I know this all sounds so very selfish, but I guess I’m a selfish person, and I do love you.”

[unexpressedlifestyle]

Beautiful Insomnia

My connection with you never ends. Every night, when I give you that final kiss before you close your eyes and enter your sleep, I find myself in my most awakened state. That's when I lie down and stare at the ceiling and picture a night sky filled with stars that shine bright and sparkle like the beauty existing in your eyes. The sky lit up by the moonlight that resembles your heart's impact on my soul. You add the light to my darkened soul. I lie down and enter the deepest stages of thought and at every stage I seem to find you. Every inch of your being that leads me to the edge of craziness in all the right ways. I can't sleep. These thoughts of you, this ever lasting joy that I feel, it is strong enough to keep me awake for eternity. What are you? How amazing are you that you can make me feel this way? That you can constantly occupy my mind and keep me awake, helping me find love and light even at the darkest times of the night, you are an angel. I realise that I am truly crazy. A fool. Crazy about you. A fool for you. My heart and my soul have been mended by you and now lie in your hands and you are performing all the right tricks to keep me on the track of purity. And every night I lose sleep wondering about the possibility of your magnificence. How is it possible for someone so wonderful, so beautiful, so pure and extravagant to exist in this life of mine? Its like a dream. But I am wide awake. Living this fantasy. You bless me. Your words. Your smile. Your touch. Like experiencing heaven without being worthy. My connection with you never ends. I lose sleep, thinking about you. Oh what a beautiful price to pay.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

Absence

In your absence, there is an increase in my vulnerability. Weakness, flowing through my body like a stream of pain. I feel you, in my arms. I feel your head resting against my shoulder. I feel your hand connecting with my own. Only to look down to the unsatisfying realisation that you are not there. But then I feel something else. Something more powerful, something indescribable. As my heart starts to beat faster than that of a man who has run a mile. That's when I realise that you are here. With me, in my heart. Where you belong. Close to me. Connected with me. A place where you will remain no matter what the physical distance between us. As I take a seat on the front porch observing the night sky. I see your eyes in every shining star. For much like these stars you shine in times of darkness. You occupy my mind. Every minute of every day. My heart, filled with your purity. Filled with your grace. As I lie in my bed in the cold winter night I begin to miss your physical presence. I think of you. Oh how I wish I could be with you. Placing my arms around you, keeping you warm and whispering the words into your ear "I'm here baby". Nothing else would matter. We'd be the only two people on this planet. Isolated from every other being. All our surroundings would be invalid to this magnificent bond that we share. I miss you. In your absence, I have grown weak. Yet my heart has grown fonder. So much love, ready to explode out of it, the moment I am yet again blessed with your presence. In your absence, I realise that I share my soul with you. In your absence, I realise that you are a part of me. In your absence I realise...that I cannot live without you.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

Imara

16 years old. She seeked a way out. Tormented by her childhood. Her mother, careless and hypocritical. Her father, a thousand miles away, drifting further with every breath. Isolating herself from any friend or family member. Alone with her thoughts. Alone with her feelings. The local pub, her second home. Every night she was in attendance. Seeing intoxication as a road to freedom. But one turning point, one major turn of events, turned it into a road to the opposite. One night in August 2011, sitting at an all time low she drowned herself in alcohol. Sip after sip, bottle after bottle. As he took a sit beside her. His receding hairline telling a tail of age yet his eyes showing a lack of wisdom. A 40 year old man. Lost, drugged up looking to feed his impure soul. She noticed him. As she looked into his eyes. She saw nothing. It reminded her. Reminded her of how she felt when she saw herself in the mirror. When she saw nothing. That's when she felt that he was the way. The way out. She was lost and needed to be found. As she entered his car for the longest drive of her life. They arrived at his home. A home filled with darkness. Emptiness. Sadness. She remained silent. She had lost all her senses. As if her body was no longer in her control. He began to undress, revealing his body. A body of age. A body that had not seen love nor care. As he set her down on the bed. He began to strip her of her clothing. Stripping her of her innocence piece by piece. As she lay down on the bed. Naked. Naked of her sanity, naked of her innocence, naked of her purity. He penetrated her. She was not unwilling. But, was she willing? As he entered her inner sanctum of peace, of innocence. In and out. With every thrust his impurity was wearing off onto her. He concluded. Expressing his relief. Expressing his joy. Feeling powerful. As she sat there. Powerless. Expressionless. With a stare which indicated that her soul was now lost forever. Two fortnights later she was well aware. Well aware of what had been placed within her. Well aware that she now carried the genes of that man, the molester. Well aware that she was pregnant. Well aware that her life would never be the same. Her name was Imara. She was 16 years old. Her name was Imara. She was having a baby.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

My Muse

You are my muse. My affection for you puts the pen in my hand and my thoughts on the canvas. The source of inspiration for this creative art. As you flood my thoughts, enthusiasm fills my entire being and my imagination extends far beyond expectations. The reason why I love this indulgence, the reason why I believe in this art. My first thought as I wake, my final thought before I sleep. Without you my creativity is extinct. You enter the inner sanctum of my mind and bring out the love from my heart making me believe that I have something pure to offer. Your warmth melts my heart. Your beauty strengthens my vision. Your mind gives me confidence. Your heart is enriching. Your soul connects with my own as you inspire my every move. Through your existence I am able to be more than I expected. Through your existence I am able to be an enlightened soul. You are my muse, the source of inspiration for this creative art.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

My dearest

My dearest, if only you understood how your presence in my life has impacted my every being. From the moment I met you, my life had changed. As if a prayer had been answered by the higher power. As if I had been sent an angel from the gates of heaven, my dearest you are a blessing. The night I laid my eyes on you for the very first time, I was a lost soul. Seeking exhilaration in all the wrong places. But there you were. So beautiful. So pure, so extravagant. As if the universe was beneath you. Then I heard you say my name, as my heart trembled and my body weakened with affection. My dearest you purified me. Every tormenting thought, every drop of bad blood was extracted from my impure soul. Suddenly morality had become my priority. With every word that passed my lips thereafter, I had to be certain that they were pure. Certain that you would approve, my dearest. With every action I took, I wanted to be sure that it would bring you pleasure. My dearest with every breath I took, I was living for you. You had become my soul purpose in life. You had protected me from oblivion. As if you had stopped me from pulling the trigger on my own life my dearest you saved me. For without your existence I would journey the path to my imminent destruction. Your voice overpowered the demons in my head. Your ever so pure heart strengthened my faith. It is in your presence that I believe in the existence of a higher power. It is in your existence that I see the magnificence of mother nature, my dearest you are a wonder. If only you understood, my dearest, how your presence in my life, has impacted my every being. My dearest, thank you.

[unexpressedlifestyle]

Motherhood (part 3) end.

2 months had passed since his last night with the family. She was tired. Tired of relying on a man for her happiness. A man who now only provided pain to her already aching heart. She wanted out. Out of this failed marriage. Out of this sanctum of sorrow. She tried to communicate with him and for once they had agreed on something. She was to be freed from this never ending horror. She would stop receiving pain from a man who seemed happy to provide it. Things were looking up, until one moment, one very fateful moment. Her usual time of the month had arrived. But no menstruation. She feared the worst. She realised it. She was pregnant. Pregnant with the child of a man who wore the crown of negativity. The child of a man who dragged her family through pain and sorrow. She could not believe it. Another burden placed upon her already hardened life. She broke down in tears. She knew she was to face this challenge alone. 8 months and 3 weeks had passed. Her kids were expecting a baby brother. She was expecting a symbol. A symbol of the horrifying, short lived life with the man who broke her heart. After the passing of another week, she was taken to hospital. Her kids racing with excitement. Their brother was coming. She showed no emotion. No joy. No sorrow. Just eager to get him out of her womb. Eager to get the symbol of her sadness out of her inner self. After a long, painful, seemingly endless labour. He was born. The burden. The brother. The son. As she looked into his eyes, she saw her own sorrow, her own pain, the history of her failed marriage. As she looked deeper, she saw her reflection. She saw herself. As she let out three words. Three words that changed her view on everything. Three words that made her realise how much love she was holding in her arms. Three words that said "You are mine."