unapologeticallyivy

[unapologeticallyivy]

One Side of Me: Autism Mom

My son who turns 4 in 3 months is on the Autism Spectrum. He got diagnosed in December of 2018. 

I had suspected something was “off” with him around age 2. He was hardly talking and didn’t know many words. He didn’t react to loud noises in any way which made people think he might have had hearing issues. He didn’t connect with other children his age. We’d go to the park and a young child would be right in his face saying hello and trying to get him to play, but to him it was like they weren’t even there. He didn’t respond to his name as if he didn’t know it at all. He would have meltdowns and tantrums all throughout the day. He had obsessive compulsive tendencies. He would restrict himself to how he played or what he wanted to watch. There were many many signs. 

When he was 2 he was referred to speech therapy due to the fact he wasn’t saying up to 10 words. I had a family member telling me he didn’t need it and that people in our family tend to be late bloomers in things like walking and talking, but I still wanted to give my child any resource that could help him. During the time of waiting to be called to start his speech therapy the same family member started noticing all the “red flags” I have mentioned before and they were the one who said “I’m sorry I didn’t think he needed the speech therapy, but now I’m starting to think he may have Autism.” At first I didn’t think much of it, but then I started googling signs of autism in toddlers and things started making sense.

I didn’t know much about autism going into this. I had been around others with autism before, but my knowledge on it was minimal. After doing some online researching I started learning that things my child did that I didn’t think twice about were tied to autism like his toe walking. I had no idea. Then I knew. I just knew he had autism. There were too many of these signs for him not. 

Though it was a little overwhelming at first I didn’t dwell on it. I started reading more and more about it to try and know as much as I could to make my son’s life easier. I brought up to his speech therapist about having him tested (October 2017). She asked me a few questions on why I suspected in then put in a referral to the local developmental pediatricians through the same group they were in. I never heard from them. We waited and waited and waited. Then at his 3 year check up (May 2018) I brought it up to his pediatrician that we’d been waiting for so long to hear from the developmental pediatrician and so she also asked me questions on why I suspected it. She then referred us to a different DP in the next county over. We finally got the call for his testing appointment in July 2018. 

I must say the testing process is frustrating. Especially not knowing when you’ll finally get the answers you’re needing. The first day of testing we were there for hours. They had him do two different tests that day and then set us up with a follow up appointment for a month later. At the follow up I talked to a different lady than the one who did his first tests and was asked most of the same questions and was asked to fill out a bunch of questionnaires and to come back the next week for my son to do the ADOS test. She made the comment that the next time I come back we will get the diagnosis and have the answers we were looking for. Come the next week they do the test and say that he’s a tough one to diagnose. Told me he’d be considered to have aspergers, but since that wasn’t an official diagnosis anymore they’d need more info. (That was crazy to me since from my understanding though aspergers is no longer a diagnosis on it’s own that it was merged with autism so now that its Autism Spectrum Disorder where there’s now High functioning, Moderate functioning, and Low functioning.) They send me home with more questionnaires for me to fill out and also a few for my son’s dance teacher to fill out pertaining to his social skills. We were told to come back over 3 months from then and to email all the questionnaires back to them once they were finished.  

The waiting was the worst. Especially after being told my son’s new insurance wouldn’t cover his speech therapy or occupational therapy, but with a diagnosis he could qualify for secondary medicaid to cover his therapy services. So all the waiting and having to put off therapy I start having no hope on getting answers at the next appointment.

The day of his appointment finally comes. We drive the hour drive to the developmental clinic and we sit down and she says they’ve finished up everything and that we were getting his ASD diagnosis that day. Finally what I had been telling everyone was verified. For months my husband didn’t agree with me and didn’t believe he had autism and my son’s dad and his side of the family didn’t believe it (as if me, the one and only person who’s with my child 24/7, didn’t know there was something going on with my son).

People might have thought I was crazy that I didn’t cry or get all upset by my son’s diagnosis, but the diagnosis was actually a good thing. Him being diagnosed didn’t change who he was. He was still the same little boy. But it did help us go about getting the services and help he needs. Knowing is better than being in denial. The denial and “grieving” the child you thought you were going to have just wastes time when you could be spending that time to help your child. I know it’s hard to go through, but Autism isn’t a death sentence and the diagnosis doesn’t change things since you’ll still bring home the little one you had all along. 

I wouldn’t change the cards I’ve been dealt. I love my son with everything in me. All the days I’ve cried thinking how in the world am I going to get through this and finish another awful day just made me stronger because here I am. I made it through those rough days and I’ll make it through all the rough days to come. I can’t quit so I have to take it day by day, dry my eyes, and keep at it. It’s all going to be worth it when my son becomes whatever/whoever he wants to be in the future and I’ll be more than happy that I helped him every step of the way.

[unapologeticallyivy]

Unapologetically Ivy

My name is Ivy. I'm 21 and a mother to an almost 4 year old son who has high functioning autism. I'm a wife who's husband is 11 years older than me. And I'm a stepmom to an 8 year old girl. As you can guess there's a lot of judgement thrown at me from different directions, but this is who I am.

I got pregnant and had my son when I was only 17 and my son's dad and I broke up during my pregnancy. We weren't married when I got pregnant and never were and honestly weren't even together all that long. It wasn't easy, but I never doubted the love and want I had for my child. He came into my life when I needed him the most so though he was unplanned he was never a mistake. My husband and I met when I was 18 and he was 29. It was only a little over 4 months after my son was born. His daughter was only 4 at the time.

Though our age gap is pretty big it felt nice dating a man who's main priority was his child and was mature enough to know the personal sacrifices that need to be made to be a parent. Not everyone who has kids get that whether they are young with one kid or older with 5.

We had been dating a couple of months before I had met his daughter. I was quite nervous since she was already 4 and being a new woman in her daddy's life was a big deal. I didn't know what to expect, but we ended up clicking almost instantly. Her and my son have been super close since they've met which made everything so much easier. 

My husband and I have now been married since November 2016. Everything hasn't been rainbows and unicorns, but we always find a way to work together to push through.

Being a stepmother can be bittersweet. I've always been a very loving person which made it no struggle to love my stepdaughter as my own, but in the stepmother role it can get rough to no fault of the child at all. You definitley have to have a strength to stay and support both your husband and stepchild through some of the roughest things that you didn't quite sign up for.

My son recently got diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) in December 2018 and is suspected to have ADHD. The road to getting his diagnosis was tough, long, and exhausting. But it wasn't the end of the world and was expected for a while before we even got him tested.

These are just a few things about me and my life, but they are the major things. I don't regret the decisions I've made that have brought me to the place I am. I know there's people out there who love me for who I am, like me for who they think I am, hate me for who I am, and hate me for reason that don't even directly pertain to me. That's all fine. I can't force people to change their opinions of me if it's negative and I'm super grateful for the people who love and support me unconditionally.