u-henyo-ako - Tumblr blog

[u-henyo-ako]

Who is justified?

Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer[a]: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! 12 I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’ 13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ 14 I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

[u-henyo-ako]

just like that...

It was beautiful and sweet. it was so easy to bring myself to like you. you made me laugh. you make me giddy. i would look forward to our time together over the phone, on the chatroom, or video.  you are far, yes. but i never doubted that things will work out for two people if they try. i was full of hope. you became a habit.

then just like that you were gone. when i have already started to build my world around you. when i have adjusted my body clock to the times when we are supposed to be talking to each other. you are far away before but you managed to be even farther. what happened?

did i give you expectations that you cannot possibly meet? did i demand to much without considering that you had a life before you met me? did i plan our future according to what i think will help us survive without thinking that maybe the future is not clear to you and you have a lot of fears?  did i make you feel less of a man by presenting myself as independent and stable?  did i scare you away when i started making sure that we will end up together because i am already old. tell me.

i am now feeling more alone than the day before you came barging to the door of my heart. i felt betrayed. outsmarted. fooled. i try so hard not to be affected right now but, i cannot bring myself to that place where I can say “it’s all right.”  no amount of counsel can ever make me want to be sane right now. i am insanely wanting to hear from you and listen to what is this all about

can you call me pls?

[u-henyo-ako]

When Emotions lie.

There were times in my life that i trusted my emotions and what it tells me.  I was always relying that it can take me places, it can make me happy, it can bring me a different kind of life.  I would look in your eyes and believe on possibilities. I turned my “maybes” to “yes, of courses.”  How easy it was to say prayers for you. To ask heaven, why not, Lord?  How it was easy to sleep and drift into my dreams with you in it and wake up with an ache. 

But.... emotions lie. all the things i felt will not bring me happiness or a different life. it brought in a place where i despised you and the mere idea of you ....and me.  it turned all my “yes, of courses” to “never.” I was stupid and listening to my emotions almost brought trouble and a possible danger in my quiet life. 

I don’t trust my emotions after this. i will build walls so thick that any emotions will think twice before they can even let me feel it. 

you are not what i need. not really. i am glad my prayers are not answered.

[u-henyo-ako]

12th of everything

I miss u.

[u-henyo-ako]

30 flavors of silence

I know ive been quiet. Been distant. Been far. Maybe this is what it takes to be alone for a moment. To be just with me and you with you. Maybe we can still love while we separate our lives. Maybe. Silence is still love.

[u-henyo-ako]

The thing about you is you’re fun, you make me laugh, and you make me feel more alive. Okay, you make me a little crazy sometimes, but there are these moments in my mind, crystal-clear images of you and me and how we fit together, and it all makes such perfect sense, and I know what I want; I want time with you.

Daily Tumblr Love Quotes (via thelovewhisperer)

Uhmmm yeah.

[u-henyo-ako]

Sometimes when I look at you, and you’re looking back at me, I can see something. This hint of something more, something you’re feeling but can’t say. When our eyes meet, it’s like we’re instantly connected. And I know no one catches it but me and you, but I like it that way. It’s like our own little secret, a place we go to when everything around us is crazy and we just need some semblance of normal. God, your eyes are gorgeous. There are times when I want nothing more than to look you in the eyes, cause it’s when we’re looking at each other in silence that we end up saying the most.

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Yes.

[u-henyo-ako]

I want to wear your sweatshirt to bed, watch scary movies with you, talk on the phone till sunrise, sneak out at night to look at the stars with you, play your favorite video game, make you watch chick flicks, kiss you in the rain, go on walks with you, laugh until I can’t breathe, hold hands, build a fort and have a snowball fight. I want to fall hopelessly in love with you.

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Aha. Yes.

[u-henyo-ako]

Neglect

When you dont learn to put some space in your life you open yourself to very ugly emotions - mistrust, doubt and anger.

Space please. Quiet. We were created to be individuals. We cannot be a pair unless we are growing apart and alone.

[u-henyo-ako]

One two three four

Cloud 9. Pat on the head. Touch on the arm. Stares. Stares. Stares. Water runs dry. Alipin. Where do broken hearts go. Asking question: Kumain ka na? Tapos ka na mag jog? Asar ka kase. When you stop smiling and get jealous over the other boys Stare Stare Stare. Why do you do that?

[u-henyo-ako]

New

How long has it been? I cannot really remember. What i know is my heart is out here in my hands. Getting hurt. Rejected. Wanting love. Trying hard. Scared yet hopeful. What will it do when you say you feel the same? Will it be happy? Or will it run away knowing it can never happen. I try so hard.

[u-henyo-ako]

I refuse.

I refuse to do this again. I refuse to understand my heart and what it wants. I refuse to be disrupted. I refuse you. Deleted your number. Deleted. Delete.

I refuse to fall. I refuse to think.i refuse. But how?

[u-henyo-ako]

You keep running in my head. I am almost useless. My thoughts and my heart are in sync. You are bothering them both.

[u-henyo-ako]

You cannot give what I seek

When the sufferings of the heart starts to remind you what you cant take and what you cannot give. What you cannot demand not even wait for. It does not make things easier. It will only demand the pain of the body. A weary body can ease the sufferings of the heart for a moment. The cold air the heart endures in every step of the sole. Ah heart who give you this permission? Who ask you to awaken what has long been content? You are cruel. You are uninvited.

[u-henyo-ako]

Awaken

What scares me the most? When you have believed for a long time that this - this is enough. No. Never been. Will never be. I think my heart is scared today. Because i cannot convince it anymore.

[u-henyo-ako]

So, you're 29.

It doesnt matter. But it matters. What does it mean. I doesnt really matter when it matters. It is there when it is there. If not then maybe it is not.

[u-henyo-ako]

The 28th phase

Quiet sometimes. But still here. Still here. Nothing changed.