twoshadesofhope

[twoshadesofhope]

#rupikaur #rupikaurpoetry

[twoshadesofhope]

The world has always romanticised the depths of despair many people go to, especially when afterwards they use their experiences in their art. But when it comes down to it, most people who have lived, and suffered with, severe and enduring mental health problems will tell you nothing is worth it. No art nor legacy can be payment enough for living with a mind that is determined to put you through a waking nightmare during your waking days. I wish I did not know how to navigate the complexities of our benefits system because of my mental health. I wish I still thought that medical professionals are fundamentally caring people who would never treat someone differently for what they see as wasting their time because it's mental health related. I wish I didn't know how many adolescent inpatient mental health beds there are in Northern Ireland. I wish I didn't know a lot about complex medication families. I wish I had been able to study the subjects wanted to for my a levels. I wish I had been able to leave home for university. I wish I was able to hold down a job. I wish leaving leaving the house wasn't an arduous task that had to be extensively planned. I wish food had always been something enjoyable and tasty. I wish I did not know about the ways teenage bulimic girls can cover their tracks and remain undetected. I wish I had spent my adolescence and my twenties being primarily distracted by the things most teenagers worry about, rather than trying to keep up with school when I couldn't get out of my bed or worrying about the next time I would be unable to quieten the voice inside my head telling me to kill myself. I wish I did not know about the extent of the mental health funding crisis. I wish I was as boring and unremarkable as the next 23 year old. I wish I did not know how many painkillers it can take to end your life. I wish all I knew of the DWP was what I read in articles. I would probably give anything I have in exchange for a brain that doesn't seem intent on killing me. And I know I'm not the only one. #mentalhealth

[twoshadesofhope]

✊🏼🌹 (at Unite the Union - London & Eastern)

[twoshadesofhope]

Today I was really honoured to play a part in something really important for a close friend of mine. And then we had lots of cake 🎂 (at Wadham College)

[twoshadesofhope]

#deptford (at Deptford High Street)

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Babes 💃🏻🍸🎉 (at City of Lancaster)

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The most amazing Chinese food ever 🍗🍜 (at Golden Dragon)

[twoshadesofhope]

first experience of poached eggs in the airport the other week 🍳

[twoshadesofhope]

at Albany Theatre

[twoshadesofhope]

Tomorrow I Was A Lion at thealbanyse8 this week. Go and see it, and then write to the CEO of SLaM. #lewisham #deptford (at Albany Theatre)

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Amazing bento box lunch. I love you deptford 😍 #foodstagram (at Deptford High Street)

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[twoshadesofhope]

Showing momma the delights of deptford food #foodstagram

[twoshadesofhope]

My lovely mum bought me some flowers 💐

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Good hair/brows. feel a bit like @tillyjean_ tbh

[twoshadesofhope]

[twoshadesofhope]

How is it possible that I already have enough things to book in for 2017 that I had to buy this in October?