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oh my gooooooodddddd I hate ADHD like it takes me fooooreeeeever to leave the goddamn house its driving me mad

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im so full of yearning

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just had a therapy intake and I thought im pretty normal and now I feel like im a little more insane than I thought I was ugh

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texting him horny messages just because a girl has adhd and needs some dopamine

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lately food doesn't interest me at all.. I get hungry but have zero appetite!! hate it. Im so tired of thinking of what to eat and have no energy to make anything, to go grocery shopping.. and everything tastes bland and gross to me .. only thing I wanna eat maybe is carbs and cheese ..maybe some fruit. its so frustrating. wish I could just take a pill and be done with it

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why do i always feel like the days are just slipping through my fingers ?

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feeling quite lonely lately / disconnected from my friends

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canon T70 fuji 400

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Light in the urban landscape

Canon T70 fuji 400

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so sad and depressed tonight what the fuck

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the pomegranate is the sexiest juiciest fruit i love it so much but damn is she difficult and messy to deal with

(lol me)

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i feel like i only come to tumblr around my period (this is the girls site)

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I am just processing stuff. don't mind me

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went to see him today after last breaking up to pick up my stuff. we are friendly. of course the attraction is still there: we kissed, we got turned on, we touched, and he wanted to have sex with me but I just couldn't do it, it did not feel right, I knew in my heart it doesn't align with me anymore. I rejected him. and im so proud. it sounds so stupid, but after I felt so strong. like I am allowed to feel clarity, not have to doubt about what's right for me or not. somehow then I got home and we texted and I asked him how his therapy went, and he said that his therapist said she couldn't connect with him. I asked why and he said lately he feels nothing, no feelings, nothing matters. I thought it was weird, and I agreed, he's detached from his feelings cause I felt it all the time, and it hurt me. I tried to nap but I couldn't. I got up out of bed and the whole evening I cant help but feel nothing, empty, detached, no feelings or a lot of feelings, nothing matters. even tho we didn't have sex I feel like we exchanged an energy, and I just know in my heart that even if he is a good person, it's not the person for me, and that is okay, but its weird. and..still. still I always seem to try to connect, in some way. but through him I am learning to connect again more with myself.

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this evening I'm feeling some type of way. I can't help but feel like ultimately, no matter who is around me and what friends I have, who I love, I am alone, I am supposed to grow into something bigger than this rn, there is more than this, there is a soul in me, a part of the universe, idk. a spiritual being. something just more than this life. more than the material things and the stupid struggle of my 'ill body', more than the physical, but rather, a spiritual journey in the realm of humans, learning what matters, how to be, how to become, I can't really put it into words right now. I am tired, I feel like nothing really matters, I feel empty but yet so full of everything right now. I feel sad and I feel alone, but I guess I also feel sort of okay with it. I feel so weak but also stronger than ever before, maybe.