truefadedsmiles - Tumblr blog

[truefadedsmiles]

[truefadedsmiles]

What dating someone through college taught me about my relationship.

Not all relationships can truly go the mile. Or 245 miles to be exact. 

But what dating through college has taught me is something that was almost impossible to explain at first.

1. I was absolutely sick for the first 5 days. I had never been more emotionally torn apart and emotionally numb all at once at any point in my life. Food became a substance I immediately began to lack in my daily routine. I became so incredibly unmotivated that all I wanted to do was to lay down in my bed and sob into a damp T-shirt of his that I stole from his clothes before I left. Any word of him and I was sent straight to tears. I was not prepared for what was ahead of us.

2. I realized I did not have much of a routine without him. Or one that lasted nearly as long as it did before.  Our daily routine consisted of multiple things we did together on a daily basis and formulated a fairly regular schedule. All of which took me about a 1/4 of the time to actually complete on my own. Bummer. So in order to keep myself from sobbing in the most random places, I integrated more me time in order to pass the time by and help reconnect with myself.

3. I started to reconnect with family I missed. Having a busy full time relationship with someone is basically like living with someone without the financial commitment. So when the time came where I was alone and I couldn’t just call him right away, I would call family to catch up on all the lost time I had neglected. 

4. Patience. Oh patience. How I can’t wait for you to be gone. I am extremely impatient. With him being in college I came to realize that with his busy schedule, I don’t necessarily fit into it in the most desirable times anymore. This turned into late night Skype conversations and constant yawning that lasted till about 3am each night. Which I looked forward to every second of each day, even when he couldn’t reassure me that he’d even have time too with all his classwork. 

5. I learned to appreciate the little things I took for granted. His smile, laughter, and voice were all things I ideally cherished on an open note with him. But after he left I didn’t realize how much I truly desired those things on a day-to-day basis. And it absolutely killed me not to have him in my arms at any given moment. I learned to appreciate the time I had with him so much more when I could visit or even see his face over a computer screen. Every bit of it was worth it to me.

6. I got nervous being alone. Both him and I. Now I never worried about him being unfaithful. I worried about him being able to have someone to go to incase he needed help or didn’t see something right away like I might’ve. I grew anxious when he would take a while to respond or just not respond at all. But he always had a valid reason to explain what had happened. I didn’t necessarily always tell him what I would sacrifice in order to talk to him, but when I got the chance, I cherished every second of it.

7. I learned to enjoy myself. I began working out nearly every day again. (Not nearly as long as when him and I would go) but still, I felt as if I was on a mission to accomplish what he wanted to see for next time. Although he would never ask me to do any of these things, I wanted to be proud of myself when I looked in the mirror. I wanted him to enjoy being with me as much as I enjoyed finding myself again.

8. I was never more madly truly and deeply in love with someone until I realized I didn’t have them. Skyping became part of our new daily routine in between my two jobs and school work and his full time schedule at his university. One night, after having a successful and lengthy conversation over Skype, I received a message immediately after hanging up and and saying goodnight with him. I erupted into tears as a giant smile was across my face, shaking and smiling I couldn’t believe what I had read. I needed him here and he needed me just as badly. 

[truefadedsmiles]

A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.

Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love (via wordsnquotes)

[truefadedsmiles]

Ok.

[truefadedsmiles]

Going places with my one and only, 1 year and 7 days.

[truefadedsmiles]

You’ll meet her, she’s very pretty, even though sometimes she’s sad for many days at a time. You’ll see, when she smiles, you’ll love her.

Pan’s Labyrinth, Dir. Guillermo del Toro (via wnq-movies)

[truefadedsmiles]

Insecurities

Maybe my self worth is what makes me feel and act the way I do.

[truefadedsmiles]

Clouds.

There’s this deep gut wrenching pain in your stomach when, everywhere you turn in life, there’s a wall. When you feel as if you’re spun in circles endlessly spinning and knowing one day, you’ll hit that wall. And then you’ll realize, you’re wrong. You don’t deserve everything that you’re striving for. And you can’t have every thing you set your mind to, because “the sky is the limit,” They once said. The exosphere is only 10,000km from earth and I think I’ve consumed my entire capacity to reach for the sky.

[truefadedsmiles]

Everyday with him is an adventure.

[truefadedsmiles]

My oh my do I miss this man right now. Time can not go by any faster watching him become a functional human being in society. I just want to him to slow down and wait for me.

[truefadedsmiles]

I thought I saw you at John Bellion's performance, with a tall ginger guy with muscles haha. "You" were a while away so I wasn't sure and by the time I realized it could have been you, "you" were gone.

I'm sorry, I don't think it was me! My boyfriend is a fairly tall orange haired guy with plenty of muscles hah, but we haven't gone to NYC yet! Do love John Bellion

[truefadedsmiles]

Hey weird question but did you go to the Governor's Ball in NYC, Randall's Island?

Nope, never been to NYC. Sorry!

[truefadedsmiles]

Ugh.

[truefadedsmiles]

One day, a friend friend asked me, "WHEN did you start loving him?" I paused and tried to recall and said, "I have no idea. I just woke up one day and realized I loved him already. I guess love happens when you least expect it."

[truefadedsmiles]

Smiling and sitting next to you is this place I never want to leave

[truefadedsmiles]

Good morning beautiful

The one

[truefadedsmiles]

I may not be there yet. But I'm closer than I was yesterday

Will find it one day