trinitynavy

[trinitynavy]

TW: Male Gaze introspection, kinda NSFW, Self Deprecation, Internalized Transphobia

I've been thinking about Elphelt Valentine and my attraction to the character. I remember diving into the Elphelt brainrot ever since I was a teenager because of *teenage puberty* circumstances (I only allow adults on my page but even then I have to be SFW at all times for some reason (You don't see the tags, nope)). Although this can be factually attributed to, again, hormones and puberty, it still causes me to fear that I'm falling into the male gaze pit. When I discovered I was a trans woman, my love for women and their aspects, as well as Elphelt Valentine, transferred to my new sense of self. I feared the way my sex positive attraction to women and Elphelt would be seen as a corruption of lesbianism due to my perceived "male" gaze, and thus strip me of being referred to as a trans woman. Turns out, I forgot that being obsessed with boobies is actually very normal and common with lesbians, and that male gaze concerns are surprisingly common with trans women like me. So in the end, my attraction to Elphelt Valentine was very valid, IF ONLY SHE WASN'T CANONICALLY HETERO.

Yes, I am aware that this was back when Elphelt's design was still oversexualized. I will personally admit my fault in liking that kind of design (it sprouted a love for wedding dresses with boob windows) due to the male gaze and need to satisfy the majority playerbase. I admit I was once in that majority playerbase, and I did have a fit to myself and select others over the more appealing Strive redesign. I have come to find appeal in both designs. I'm a hypocrite when it comes to Elphelt and Dizzy after all. I didn't like how oversexualized and lacking of character Dizzy's past designs were, while I liked Elphelt's Xrd designs, while still being sexualized, for how much they gave her character and a recognizable silhouette. I know I can't really have it both ways. If I like one character for the sexual design, then I can't throw a fit over another character having a more sexualized design than the other. I can admit that even if it is okay for me to have sexual attraction to women, even if fictional, I still have a lot of growing to do when to comes to being attracted to them ***for the right reasons***.

As for Elphelt's personality and character, that's a completely different topic that I don't have as much knowledge on since I would have to rewatch Xrd's story. For the baseline, there's a lot that can be talked about regarding her 'function' of being a being of pure love (the societal romantic conception, not the emotion), and how it's an amplification of the societal expectation placed on women to find a mate, as well as the conception of what femineity is in said society. She seems to embody the experience of pure romance rather than the expectations of the heteronormative society we live in, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have shades of it at the root. If she was made to embody that experience, why make her solely heterosexual? Further on about the concept of femineity, her win quotes against certain characters in Xrd mention feminine charm. As someone who is still very new to feminism as a whole, I lack the understanding of what feminine charm is and why I should even care about it. To condense, the concept of Elphelt puts me off because it feels too heteronormative and also makes me feel a little inadequate because I still don't understand what being a woman even means. I just kind of went off the rails on this so uh... Elphelt good. Boobies good. Women good. Don't be afraid to love boobies (if you're comfortable with that) if you're a woman who loves

women. That's all there is to say on the matter.

Yes I know I'm too harsh on myself, by the way.

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I somehow guessed the culprit all the way back in Episode 4 through the power of chunnibyou and BlazBlue.

Damn....

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Also I diagnose self proclaimed detective, Furudo Erika, as a Vriska.

No, I will not elaborate. I will not be taking questions.

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Well I uh... wasn't expecting that route to be taken. Could go either way on the scales, but I'm not really expecting this to amount to much. In fact, I'd kinda be pissed if this was the route taken for this drama arc. I mean it could either be Just due to 10-15 years worth of karma, or Heroic for keeping the shield up and holding down the fort. Either way, it would rob us of a truly satisfying end to this character arc.

That is if the intent is to slowly take the focus away from the parents to the Omega Kids (when did this term get coin'd?) for future acts. Thus not making this a story about kicking the respective asses of Jane, Ult. Dirk, and possibly Al, but more about the Omega Kids and whatever species Ult. Dirk is cooking having their own Sburb sessions, and making a universe and world that is at least better than whatever the fuck Earth C was.

At least that's what it's looking like rn. If that's the case, then idk if June is gonna become a thing. Characters are dropping like flies, and by the rules of Sburb, all guardians of the players have to die off (WITH ONE EXCEPTION). This is kind of a mixed bag for me, not gonna lie. Guess we'll see whatever in January.

Been reading Umineko When They Cry thus far, so that brainrot may carry me til then. Maybe I'll try Vast Error. Actually should I read Vast Error? Your thoughts are appreciated.

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What Even Is Hinoka Anyways?

Every royal in FE Fates has some level of depth to them, even Elise and Sakura, and yet I could never get a read on Hinoka. Maybe because I never sat down and read her every single one of her supports like what I'm supposed to(?). Though I never bothered to because I prefer to get those supports when I play the game and for the simple fact that Hinoka never interested me enough to look deeper. All her character is in the main story is her being a dutiful, tomboy-ish big sister who wants to do her best to protect her siblings and make up for lost time, unless its Conquest, then she just becomes a heartbroken girl that lets her duty mask her sorrow. That's fine and dandy, maybe laced with a slight hint of misogyny, but what else is there about her to make me even the slightest bit intrigued? In terms of gameplay, she doesn't have a personal weapon like the brothers do (which is yet another layer of sexism, a bigger layer in fact), even if her class and starting weapon makes up for that. In Warriors, she gains a slight bit of depth in how she interacts with Elise. She grown only knowing the tensions between kingdoms and Corrin's kidnapping that she never got to grow up normally, like she doesn't even know what playing tag is. Even then, that still makes her character centered around Corrin.

I have to ask, what the hell am I not seeing here?? I asked on discord a similar question regarding Azura, and I got an answer along the lines of "How do you not get that she was *such and such*". I'm expecting to get a similar answer here, but even then, I'm lost as to what the hell Hinoka is supposed to be besides a last minute decision.

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I wonder what the most popular FE Fates ships are compared to the meta ships for playthroughs. I haven't checked at all. I always play the game with Universal Gay Fates regardless, so I can't ever use Friendship Seals. So please enlighten me for when I play Birthright again.

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I wanna write a long Edelgard essay and I don't know where to even start with her. Maybe I should watch all of her supports first? Maybe I should play Azure Moon first for the lore? Maybe I should play Three Hopes for the sake of extracurricular material even if it's the same damn character with potentially less nuance? I don't even know how to start and maintain the respect to the vast depth of nuance that Edelgard has...

[trinitynavy]

CW: Anxiety, Depression

I wish I could get through a single work day, A SINGLE DAY, without having a mental health episode. I want to have just one good day without having to think about my jealousy of my friends. I don't know how to control it and it hurts my productivity and my brain energy.

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If the Dragon Knights in Granblue Fantasy are a headcanon polycule, then what does that make the Society group?

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Trusting people is hard, especially when you've been burned by them time and time again. I personally don't deal with that, but I still don't know who to trust. I want to not be seen as a problematic individual. I don't know if my friends are really my friends, because I always want a second opinion from someone who never trusts the people around them. I can't seem to settle on making decisions for myself.

My anxiety hates me, but my need to be seen as a good person is far above that worry.

I want to be a good person. I want to be liked by people.

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It's strange how much more interesting Homestuck Beyond Canon has become within the span of a single year. Almost like... we actually have a semblance of a plot now with a climax imminent within the next month or so! Seeing Vriska finally have a serious arc after Act 6 of HS1 treat her as a forced inclusion and message that her actions influence the plot, all for the sake of a long running inside joke on the old MSPA forums. It's actually taking in the nuances of Vriska as a character, not treating her actions as "entirely wrong" or "nothing wrong", but saying that her actions harmed a lot of people, but there were unhealthy elements that made her the way she is. It's not redemption or narrative forgiveness, it's a reflection of the past and maturing of her character (physically too, not just mentally). AND I LOVE IT! And the Rosemary plot is yet again groundbreaking for an internet series as big as Homsetuck because it shows that even same-sex marriages can be messy and change for the worst. Really excited to see where things go now that Act 1 is nearing it's end. Also WHY IS ADULT KARKAT SO HOT HELP

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Why am I so gay for Charlotte. Trying to make her work is gonna be tough though... Yes I'm playing Fates Conquest for fun

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Idk I have a top 5 for lords yet.

Maybe um...

1. Ike

2. Edelgard

3. Eirika

4. Sigurd

5. Leif

Alm is an honorable mention.

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Forgot to mention but Eirika's hair color is way prettier than Ephraim's. Yes this matters.

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6 or 7 chapters in, and it's shocking to me just how much better of a character Eirika is versus Ephraim. Like why is 5x my proper introduction to this man? He acts like a bland shonen protagonist! Eirika has so much nuance in learning the errors of her narrow worldview and that not everyone yearned for peace. Yeah you could say that Ephraim already knew this, but even then, I don't really understand the point of this introduction to him. Not looking good for him.

Also Eirika gets the hardest lines of all humanity, and all Ephraim gets is "I don't pick fights I can't win."

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I haven't touched this blog in a long time because I didn't think I'd have use for it. But now I do, as a way to write my thoughts and maybe be judged.

Lately I've been getting back into Fire Emblem and replaying FE8 The Sacred Stones after a very long time. The story is like a reimagining and remixing of FE1 and 2 (SoV didn't exist yet) and is being executed pretty well! What matters to me a bit more in a story is how soulful the execution is, no matter how simple it is. This is why I'm kinder to stories like Engage and Final Fantasy II.

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I can't tell which is my favorite wtf

Ever wanted to meet your younger self?