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how to overcome: open your Bible read His Word talk to Jesus keep going keep going keep going

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Fattening Up: Earth Is Space Australia/Humans Are Weird

I just had lunch, and was considering having a cookie or three, and the thought occurred–what if other species didn’t have a built-in nutrition-storage system? Suppose their bodies had just so much reserve of energy, and if they hadn’t didn’t have food stockpiled when lean times arrived, well…

Then they discover Earth, and the concept of “fat”. An automatic system that in times of plenty, stockpiles fuel right inside the body, placing it in predesignated locations. And not only is it a hedge against lean times, the “fat” provides padding, insulation, AND it’s a natural flotation aid! What miraculous stuff! What an ingenious system! What an elegant solution to the threat of starvation posed by the Death World’s constant environmental fluctuations!

Then the aliens learn about the Western world’s obsessions and phobias and general social neuroses about fat. No matter how hard they try, they can’t make sense of it. To them, the fat-storage system is a miracle of biology. Yet another wonderfully bizarre element of life on Earth. Which is a planet that seems to go out of its way to find creative ways to kill its inhabitants. Earth is home to the Geology of Mass Destruction, the Climates That Want You Dead, the Diseases From Hell, and All the Murder Beasts. Yet instead of addressing any of those threats, humans decide to devote massive amounts of time, money, and the efforts of thousands of our brilliant, creative, fantastically adaptable minds to…defeating one of our own survival mechanisms.

Does Not Compute!

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Gravity

Something I haven’t seen yet with the “humans are weird/space orcs” thing is differences in gravity

Like imagine humans going to planets or moons and having to have an alien escort to hold them down. Humans stuck to their alien friends with those little backpacks with leashes that parents put on their kids or pets!!

Or humans going to a planet with such high gravity that the aliens feel like they’re being crushed to death and ppl are just “ah yes, the comfortable pressure of home world”

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It occurs to me that as much as “humans are the scary ones” fits sometimes, if you look at it another way, humans might seem like the absurdly friendly or curious ones.

I mean, who looked at an elephant, gigantic creature thoroughly capable of killing someone if it has to, and thought “I’m gonna ride on that thing!”?

And put a human near any canine predator and there’s a strong chance of said human yelling “PUPPY!” and initiating playful interaction with it.

And what about the people who look at whales, bigger than basically everything else, and decide “I’m gonna swim with our splashy danger friends!”

Heck, for all we know, humans might run into the scariest, toughest aliens out there and say “Heck with it. I’m gonna hug ‘em.”

“Why?!”

“I dunno. I gotta hug ‘em.”

And it’s like the first friendly interaction the species has had in forever so suddenly humanity has a bunch of big scary friends.

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http://iglovequotes.net/

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That smile though. (Source: http://ift.tt/2lClRxn)

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http://iglovequotes.net/

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aliens being confused by how humans deal with scents

human: “gonna have to wash this blanket to get rid of that new smell,” alien: *makes a note that humans prefer to mark objects with familiar scents*

human: “gotta love that new car smell” alien: *scratches out previous note and replaces it with a question mark*

human: “old books smell so good,” alien: *increasingly frustrated note taking*

human: “mmm love that new book smell,” alien: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?”

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Humans Are Weird

I saw a post about introverted humans in Space and thought of this scenario:

Can you imagine the aliens bringing human companions on board and all of them are boisterous and loud and spilling their pack-bonding everywhere, except one?

“Introvert,” the humans whisper, and the aliens are confused because sweet stars, is it ill? Is it deficient? Is it going to die? Worse: is it going to get them all killed?

But, no. It speaks. Quietly and only when necessary, but it performs the formal greeting of “Friend” when crossing paths with crewmates, and answers all questions. It attends all meetings and functions and engagements, but it sits off to the side, sometimes reading, sometimes participating, sometimes observing. This observing causes some alarm among the aliens because is it hunting? Are they safe?

It even hides in the ventilation shafts - “For peace and quiet,” it says, when asked.

Queries are posed to the other humans: “What is “introvert”? Is it remedial? Will it infect us?“

“No,” the humans respond. “It’s normal. It’s just a trait some humans have. You’re perfectly safe.”

So the aliens continue on but it’s no unknown fact that everyone has a set of eyes on the introvert.

Pirates aren’t uncommon in these nebulae. They take anything of value: momentos, tech, food, and crew. Humans are a popular trade item on black markets - as companions, as toys, as food - and are literally worth their weight in credits.

The crew is subdued quickly, and the roster produced. The aliens fear for their humans, all eleven of them. But wait. Where’s the introvert?

It’s missing, and the pirate captain sends out five of his biggest to recover it.

The five don’t even make it to the cargo bay doors before the lights shut off. Bad news for the pirates who have bio-luminescent markings on their hides, particularly around their bare heads.

The glare of a fired photon pistol is their only warning. The number of glares matches the number of pirates, no more, no less. And when the lights come back up, there’s the introvert, sliding out of the ventilation shaft to stand in a lake of bio-luminescent blood with a supernova burning in its eyes.

It smiles at them and murmurs, “Friends” in its usual quiet tone as it cuts the captain free.

There is nothing but stunned awe as each crewmate greets in reply, “Friend.”

No, there truly is nothing wrong with their introverted human whose designation is Danielle, and even if there were, no one would change it. They very much like Danielle the way she is.

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Humans are Weird - Culture

Okay so I absolutely LOOOVE the Humans are weird/space orcs conversation going around (I just reblogged a bunch of them). Anyway, it got me thinking. In MOST science fiction, every alien encountered that is intelligent enough to have a culture, has one culture throughout the entire species. What if it wasn’t just lazy writing, but that Humans are totally unique in that. Not only do we have many different cultures, but the complexity increases every time you get mixtures of them because of people living in different places or being born into mixed families etc. It would confuse the FUCK out of aliens the moment they encounter more and more Humans and NONE of them have ANY consistency. 

Alien: *makes the two-finger peace sign*

Human: Woah, hey can you not do that, please?

Alien: Do what?

Human: That hand sign. It’s very rude.

Alien: But… that other Human said it meant peace. 

Human: Oh, for them it might be, but not for us.

Alien: I don’t understand. 

Human: Where I come from, that sign is rude. It might be fine for where that other Human came from so they probably thought nothing of it. 

Alien: But… you come from the same place?

Human: Yes and no. We both come from Earth, but from two very different parts of Earth. We do things differently. Sometimes it feels like we’re just as alien to each other as you are to me.

Alien: Wait, there are two groups of Humans who just do things completely different ways for no reason at all.

Human: Ah, no mate. We’ve got HUNDREDS of different groups. 

Alien: ???

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K so some of my favorite posts here are the “humans are weirder than aliens” ones, and I just thought of something tremendous

Background Music

Aliens have managed to advance because they hyper focus on everything they do, but are completely baffled by our ability to multitask. They are stunned that we listen to music when working, cause they would hyper focus on the music and nothing else. Or humans work on stuff while having on conversation and still know what the conversation is about even while half listening.

Imagine aliens not understanding the concept of short attention spans

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Earth oceans and what's in them

Going off how the Humans are Space Orcs and “Humans bond with anything despite obvious danger” that annoys the rest of the alien crew, think about them being introduced to earth oceans

After all it’s common to have to always remove their human from unknown likely dangerous life forms despite constant protests and that they were only “playing” they start to notice that their human never really speaks of their earths sea creatures, which makes sense as the humans organs aren’t equipped to survive in that environment despite being able to “swim” (it is a common theory discussed that humans could survive if given no option to otherwise as that’s what they always seem to do) curious and nervous, a rookie of the crew, decides to ask (the veterans have learned not to ask about earth as it always ends in confusion and horror) Only to be told that “they aren’t really sure”, in human speak this can mean many things. One is that they never looked, another is that they were honestly telling the truth. Confused, they ask again as surely the species that does everything to fulfill their curiosity would surly know what fills 75% of their surface? Only to be told of creatures that are the length of their ship with a jaw just as wide. Of creatures that glow to attract and trap their pray. And that there was never a pod that was created could withstand the pressure of deepest depths. Or if it could, the visual feed would always disappear within rows of jagged teeth. And that are only the stories that have been proven. There are stories of the old ages, of creatures that could drown you with the sound of their voice, of things only seen in the shadows with a glimpse of sharp teeth. Humans don’t go in the ocean, they learn. Humans that are made of iron and steel, known to bond with anything, and a curiosity that defies all known logic don’t dare to explore the depths of their own planet. The crew learn that the only thing to terrify their human are the creatures that lurk in the oceans of their own earth. Everything must seem tame to them compared to the monster planet that they call home. And suddenly, things make sense.

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HUMANS CRACKING THEIR KNUCKLES, POPPING THEIR JOINTS. NECK AND BACK CRACK. BODY STRETCH. ROLLING THEIR SOCKETS. ALIENS BEING MORTIFIED.

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Aliens reactions to humans irrational fears. Like they are so confuse because the thing is not threat to the human but the terrifying human is scared shitless of like a butterfly or something equally as dumb.

-Human and alien comrades on a break visiting earth

-Human is wearing a reddish shirt with black dots. Something random they grabbed out of their closet that morning

-Shortly after arrival, alien remarks that the human is matching the local fauna, and did they plan it that way? Does this creature have any significance?

-Human looks down to realize a ladybug has landed on their arm

-Human proceeds to f r e a k  o u t and get that thing off me ick ick ick

-Alien did not expect this

-Is it dangerous oh no it’s bright red didn’t the human say bright colors are poisonous? Why else would the normally-calm and steady human get so upset?

-COMRADE HUMAN IS GOING TO DIE OH NO

-Ladybug flies off on its own because it’s a bug and doesn’t need this kinda of drama in its life

-COMRADE HUMAN WE MUST GET YOU TO MEDICAL SERVICES

-Human now has to figure out how to explain to the alien that the thing is harmless and actually useful in gardens but it’s just that beetles of all sorts are creepy because they just are

-This is embarrassing quick change the subject

-Oh hey alien look it happens to be autumn and we’ve got this fall celebration and there’s a haunted house my family always goes to, I bet you’d love it

-The alien is just ????? and remains that way for a large portion of the trip

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What if another “humans are weird” thing is talking to ourselves. Like… it makes no sense? But so many of us do it. Even just muttering under our breaths. I can’t help but think that some alien species would think we’re trying to hide another aspect of our (already weird) abilities.

They can ‘throw’ stuff, and bond with nearly anything, and now they’re talking to people who aren’t even there?!? Sure, they said they were just “talking to themself” but that’s obviously just a bad excuse. They do have thoughts after all.

(Feel free to add to this, it always makes posts 38200× better)