traumaedge

[traumaedge]

leave a message and he’ll get back to you

[image id: YOU TRY AND TALK TO GOD AND WANDER AIMLESSLY IN THE DESERT OF HIS SILENCE / HE IGNORES YOU AND IT IS DEAFENING]

[traumaedge]

I feel pointless without them and I don't even know who they are.

[traumaedge]

i’m like if an angel fell from heaven and got insanely fucked up from the impact

[traumaedge]

a silly little vent comic about religious trauma

[traumaedge]

there’s something uniquely agonising about chronic physical disabilities or mental illness. not even your own body wants to work. not even your thoughts are safe.

[traumaedge]

They killed a kid and created an abomination.

[traumaedge]

I thought suffering would make me beautiful. How catholic, how cathartic. Martyrdom, to die in blazing glory.

But it enduring pain only made it bigger. It seemed everlasting.

I thought it would make me less of a burden. Less human. More saint. And all saints are loved, and respected by all they sacrificed.

But no one remembers saints these days.

To be a sacrifice slaughtered by my own hand became so unfulfilling. It became dull, and pain is excruciating.

These days, I wonder what it means to endure, and what I want to endure, and why should life be made of painful endurances for me. Why I deserve punishment and nothing else.

These days, I want to endure joy until it breaks me, enough for me to reach into myself, remove the roots of the weeds that have spread all this hatred inside me, enough for this joy to be planted into my heart, and hopefully it will grow in me. Hopefully I can help it grow it others too.

I want love for all people, myself included, to be the only thing I ever endure.

[traumaedge]

it’s very strange being an ip in a mostly failed programmed system. like trying to get water out of a sinking boat. im trying very hard to stay afloat, but its no use. it failed, systemwide. that thought keeps me awake at night.

[traumaedge]

updated my pinned post and description slightly. i am also sorry for disappearing for 9 months, lol. shit hit the fan. rest assured i still have plenty of mental illness to go around, so i will try to stick around this time

[traumaedge]

[traumaedge]

[traumaedge]

If anybody thinks that I have forgiven the people who stole years of my life, I would just like to clarify that I have not

[traumaedge]

[x]

[traumaedge]

[traumaedge]

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[traumaedge]

self aware npd culture is thinking about how great you are, realising it’s all a disorder, and then causing yourself to crash. help me. i hate myself and want to cry. lmao.