transratbastard

[transratbastard]

probably deleting tumblr for a bit, my brain can’t handle it rn. take care of yourselves, reach out if you need help, participate in community aid because that is going to be how we get through this.

i’m so tired

I have seen a lot of posts sending love to various groups and encouraging people to check in and reach out.

And I agree

But also

Know that it is also very very ok to step back from some spaces. You don’t need to be part of every feed, every conversation, every group chat. It won’t make you a bad person.

I’m on a group chat with two friends that are the most anxious share every alarmist clickbait headline from their doomscrolling adventures ever. That is a space I will drop a message saying “I need to step away for today for my own well being” and then ignore or mute the thread.

Put your oxygen mask on before helping others

[transratbastard]

[transratbastard]

there needs to be a cultural shift in america like im not talking about culture war bullshit i mean the average american needs to learn to care about their community and the rest of the world and not be a self-absorbed asshole with a "fuck you i got mine" attitude.

[transratbastard]

grabs you by the shoulders and shouts HEY. you are no going to kill yourself. you are not going to give up. you are not going to immediately go back into the closet. you are not going to give him the satisfaction before it matters. you are going to live, and you are going to live well. you’re going to put on your favorite outfit and refill your hormone subscription and go out and buy some hair dye. you are not going to give up before its hopeless. as my good friend amy aka spent galadiator says, youre going to do every stupid thing that makes you feel alive. and we are going to make it out of these four years alive. and we are going to work to not make them the worst four years of our lives.

[transratbastard]

*grits teeth* im hopeful i believe there is good in the world im fucking hopeful

[transratbastard]

hey if you're trans in the us i love you. hey if you're queer in the us i love you. hey if you're a person of color in the us i love you. hey if you're a woman in the us i love you. hey if you're disabled in the us i love you. i love you i love you i love you

[transratbastard]

i actually did find out the results from a supernatural meme

this feels surreal

[transratbastard]

take my hand for a moment

your objective from this point on is to survive

the election results are going to take a few days. The world is going to be very tense. I want you to take all the things you like to do to distract yourself and splurge on them. I want you to go eat your favroite foods and spend time with friends. I want you to do what you gotta do to make sure you can make it through the week.

There are people out there who want you to survive. There are people out there who are just as scared as you are.

We'll get through this. We will find a way

[transratbastard]

Okay but for real if you live in Maricopa County and voted by mail PLEASE go check the county recorder's webpage to make sure you didn't get flagged for a signature issue!! Apparently something like 12k are still waiting to be cured and we need every single one of those votes to send Kari Lake back to the fucking shadow realm where she belongs and also REPLACE Kyrsten Sinema with someone who's not going to do a stupid little curtsy while they tank progressive policies in the Senate!!

THERE IS STILL TIME PLS CHECK IF YOU LIVE THERE!!! Also maybe check even if you don't live there, I made sure mine got counted in Pima, we can make Blue Arizona happen!!! Check your ballots!!!!

[transratbastard]

[transratbastard]

not to alarm anyone but is anybody else worried about how everybody is fucking stupid

[transratbastard]

help me manifest blue pennsylvania

like to charge reblog to cast

[transratbastard]

[transratbastard]

anyway i smoked a bit and am not having a lovely time despite the sinking feeling in my stomach

omg pulling myself away from the tv and what feels like impending doom and instead eating ice cream and coloring worked!

shocking how that goes ya know?

[transratbastard]

omg pulling myself away from the tv and what feels like impending doom and instead eating ice cream and coloring worked!

shocking how that goes ya know?

[transratbastard]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[transratbastard]

The Sound of Music (1965) dir. Robert Wise