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u tHINK oF dOERS liKE yOUR DEAR fRIEND mAD, wHO rOLLS liKE a 7-fOOTED sPIDER, 7 sTEPS bEHIND aND tHINKING oF fUTURES bEYOND. i fEEL hELD bY tHEIR cONSIDERATION oF "wILL tHE sOCKS mAKE iT bEYOND mY wEAVING hAND?" tEACHING gENERATIONS oF fORGOTTEN tO mEND tHEIR oWN. oUR pARENTS dECIDED, i hAVE pRECIOUS aCTIONS tO tAKE, aNYONE bUT mE aND mY oWN cAN dO tHOSE tEDIOUS nOTHINGS... aND sENDS oFF gARBAGE aLONG wITH tHE wORK tHAT kEEPS tHE cHILDREN, wARM. oUR fEET. fOR nOW.

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dumping mostly old writing

To clear to tumblr 👍

wait, this is so true. i realize: i am a set-up guy. i ❤️ to set things up for actions to be taken,, i dont necessarily live to complete things… i think i needed this~ this frees me

i can make myself invisible ive realized

its not the most honed skill

since it is unintentional slash goes against what i want sometimes 

but ill be learning 

(without judgement:)

what am i feeling (body, or emotion) right now?

what am i thinking 

what do i need rn

what am i doing rn?

whos really running my life RIGHT NOW? /whos in charge right now? 

Honestly I feel better in my day-to-day life this year, than ever, but Lately I've felt so much resentment and disappointment towards others (mostly coworkers/people in the media/on tv, etc, not so much close people ) . i thought it was just my saturn return and my growing pains of needing to see more of what i value reflected around me, 

but now I'm thinking its also grief, when considering how long it took to feel alright in myself, and to feel like i could take care of myself, to take care of others, and to be taken care of too. i ended a lot of intimate ties recently, which cleared up a lot of things, and I'm happy with the other humans im close with. which is new for me 

I wonder too if this rage means the majority of people around me really are so mediocre, or if theres something else going on. why am i so dissatisfied by humanity....? my mind floods with criticisms, wanting to burn everthing down: it feels like so many people grew up out of their child body but somehow stayed very fragmented in their unmet child needs, and im pissed off at it all. maybe its something in me wanting to be efficient about the amount of energy that is being thrown around all over the realms i watch

i want fame… i always rejected ideas of expterise, and “mastery” feels way off too since the things i do are things i love, not have,, 

but i have started to recognize a need to touch many. and to feel honourable and impactfullll. 

i think the era of celebrity worship is over, nd perhaps im going to be part of whats next for fame, something less individualist and isolating and deadly. 

studying, indefinitely what could not be said 

leaded legs

let me lie

one more time

we cant see our coworkers

they rook away our chairs

i went to a party 

with people and their careers

your friends 

i didnt like them much 

my hair still remembers you

floods my face when i walk by all the places you lived

things are changing

what shall we use these stirring sticks for

if you took away all the sugar 

i eat lunch at 4am

how to feel your head (or other body part) when you move your head 

while the waters still cold

I'll try to find the way

the entries to the relief 

it surrounds 

my ex used to put their hands in the roasting oven

you could say ive seen some shit

and they named me lazy 

i wouldn't be there in an emergency

you said you loved me

i said i loved you 

so did you hear Her crow in your dreams?

no, well, i can't be sure, but i do hear Her now

dont eat those berries at the bus stop

where is the friend who can out out the fire on thine head

panting white boys

headed to north on friday

i dont want to know where theyre up to,

seeing them hanging out that passenger window with eyes on me

oh st laurent, its friday 

we were too accepting of the individualism of that relationship

our time had not begun to hold us

we held no humility towards the inter dimensions that beckoned us

which was protective in its destruction. 

which is how we were readied

it wasnt lack

that built these roads

it was desire

it was never

lack of 

resources 

that built my roads 

my papa was a pagan

untouched and held

by the garden he flowers

a strange beekeeper allergic to the work 

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i gotta tell u bout boxing last night

also, how do i ask ancestors or gods to helpme with job situaion?

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i realize

in response to them wanting to hurt me

i feel all my energy goes to immediately wanting to hurt them back.

it doesnt even feel i hate that they want to hurt me,,

its an automatic response of "they shud hurt. "

and thats why it feels only right to let it go.

i want to love ash and focus on doing that,, because they realy dont have nything to do with our love. and them trying to be relavent to our love just feels contrived and a bit violent.

my hips and thighs are my driving force towards healing. the tightness and rigidity will fall this year.

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mb u need a little intuition and insanity to leave an 8yr relationsip

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ive stumbled upon a sacred being

a crow who has left his body behind

im off to go ask to take his remains

ive brought

water

a very old watch band with a crow pendant

whiskey

papas tobacco

a potato

and this prayer

ive seriously never experienced such an encounter with smo i have admired for so long.

if i am invited to take their body

i feel i will treat it as lucky

because thats what it feels like

i called the only person to call when endeavering on such a thing

:)

i am lucky because they gave me sound advise,

and finished the call with

id like to see you again

every thing in one piece

full moon

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welp, its hard not to feel entirely sober in this moment. at least i had to wear ash's shirt and the photos turned out great. this is my offering to my future self. i trust yoi

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the great hunger

was

a great silence

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resistance to the old program

i now know this is what is happening to me,, why im so angry and vengeful and rathful. good to know yay

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Ian Langohr's mask/puppet head of the st henri malting silos

Hi-Fructose Magazine | A very personal building head from Ian Langohr @hand.sewn.heads “I made this mascot head of the abandoned Canada Malting plant back in… | Instagram

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today a man with shoulder length locks

wore purple towel

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i feel so blesaed when i remember and see that im guided by the moon 🌙 ❤️

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im trying to become less interested in who they are,

and more interested in what they do. it keeps me here and active/ready, rather than up there and frustrated, and very resentful (cause i blame them).