totallycorrectteacherspetquotes

[totallycorrectteacherspetquotes]

ian: did you see any sharks fighting giant tarantulas on your safari?

scott: no. and sharks don't fight tarantulas.

ian: well, at wild kingdom they do.

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ian: btw the ending of odyssey made me lose my shit

scott: i like the bit where poseidon shipwrecks them for like 40 years

ian: i dont remember that part but i liked playing as bowser and breaking rocks

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scott: some days you are coke and well other days, you're pepsi /:

ian: i will suck the marrow out you bones

scott: thank you!

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mary lou: kids, i'm gonna love all of you, and equally. i'll be dividing my love into seven equal sections or love quadrants. each quadrant will be worth 15 love units, represented by these small brass marbles. you may use these marbles as currency amongst yourselves. collect 35 units and you can trade those in for a beach towel with my face on it.

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ian: when i am king, the first law i will pass will be to make gag reels mandatory for every movie.

leonard: no.

ian: banished

and just for that, documentaries will have gag reels, too

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mr jolly: issues i have with the children's tv show franklin

all of franklin's friends have names like "bear" and "owl" but franklin's name is franklin.

all of franklin's friend's parents have names like "mr. otter" and "mrs. otter." does that mean that otter's name is otter otter?

bear has a sister named beatrice bear which means that bears name is definitely bear bear.

pretty boy: consider: everyone in the show is actually referring to everyone else by last name as a sign of deference. bear is called bear but his sister is called by first name because bear is older and therfore requires more respect. the reason franklin is called by first name is because no one respects him

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scott: what's up like my new look

leonard: you look like a drug dealer

scott: no i don't bro

leonard: yes bro you do

scott: why you got hate that i look good bro just admit i look really good ok

leonard: i'm jealous because i'm fugly

scott: i know bro but u got a good smile though you know that

leonard: the fuck

scott: stop commenting dude

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leonard: haven't talked about winston in a while but the dudes a fucking Monkey

scott: he is correct

ian: Maybe

scott: actually he's an ape

ian: GOOO RIIII LAAAAA

scott: go go power rillas

ian: *plasma snake playing electric guitar in background*

scott: now we have a tv show. power rillas. it's power rangers but it's just winston playing every role in various colored outfits

ian: and the megazords are just raptors suits

scott: but winston's also in them

ian: yes!

scott: you in?

ian: i volunteer mercy to be a bad guy

scott: nah just winston in her clothes

ian: yes yes yes yes yes. but the credits have the person who's clothes they are listed

scott: and the actors part if the credits is winston, but it's one "winston" for every time he shows up

ian: winston as winston x20

scott: actors: winston, winston, winston, winston, winston. directed by: ian and scott. special thanks to: mercy and phareeha.

...who are probable locking themselves in the closet as you read this...

ian: they are still in my room...

scott: i'll replace your carpet tomorrow

ian: i really hope it's only on the bed...because my bedding is cheap...

scott: ...you can handle that...i'm out.

ian: WHERE THE HELL AM I GUNNA SLEEP?!

scott: ya wanna hang out in my workshop? i got an entire sleeping quarters i never use.

ian: nahhhhh i don't think it's safe, i'm sure bastion will share!

scott: dude! don't be combustist. just because i explode, doesn't mean everything else does

ian: fine! you better have star wars bedding

scott: i got a bed to suit every fandom, there's even one with the over watch logo!

ian: i mean like the really old revenge of the with duvet, i used to have it, i don't mind the bedding as long as it's a one time things

scott: none of these beds have been used, so feel free to take the bedding when you leave. i usually pass out on my table

ian: i'll use it to make bedding for my rabbit when i'm done

scott: no!

ian: i mean a bed for her, she doesn't tear it, she just snuggles in. do you reckon fareeha and angela are done in my room now?

scott: i don't hear them anymore...thankfully

ian: they are dressed, and we are now watching star wars...they are wearing my pyjamas tho

scott: mine could fit reinhardt and winston at the same time...i'm lucky

ian: your what? bed?

scott: no my pjs. it's just a humongous shirt

ian: ahhhh. my pjs actually suit the both of them! i think i'll let them keep the two pairs...and it turns out they were only tickling each other...so they say

scott: :|

ian: my beds spotless...my rooms spotless...come watch star wars with us

scott: *in huge shirt* alright

ian: flannel trousers and a tee shirt! with a hoody and scarf

scott: *touches my own scarf* how did you

ian: how did i what?! i listed what i wear

scott: scarf buddies!

ian: sure it's better than nooses

scott: yep!

ian: hurry up! we are at rogue one

scott: *is already in the room* hurry it up dude

ian: WHAT THE FU- get in the bed, there's room for all 4 of us

scott: i'm good thanks

ian: fine don't get any of the cookies

scott: i got exactly 50 chocolate chip cookies on my person at all times

ian: i have 150 double choc. i also have popcorn

scott: this isn't a contest

ian: they're giving each other the look again...

scott: *falls over*

ian: they are only kissing, i told them if they go to intimate i'll punch them

leonard: can i fucking help you two with something?

[totallycorrectteacherspetquotes]

mary lou: leonard's homework has been marked 'submitted'.

mary lou: hi leonard you got 75% for your assessment. well done!

leonard: lit

mary lou: pardon?

leonard: that just mean ok

mary lou: lit

[totallycorrectteacherspetquotes]

leonard: is it ok if i swear?

mary lou: yes leonard, i will allow you to swear

leonard: f

mr jolly: go on

leonard: im nervous

leonard: hnnnnnnnnnnngg i think im ready now...

leonard: fu...

leonard: fuc

leonard: fuck.

leonard: fuck

leonard: fuck!

leonard: FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

scott: calm down buddy

leonard: sorry...

pretty boy: DONT LOSE YOUR CONFIDENCE SO FAST NEVER GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS

leonard: you know what? you're right! FUCK!

[totallycorrectteacherspetquotes]

leonard: you gotta help me!

scott: i'm just here for the bathroom. i can't help you during a test.

leonard: i'm gonna fail, man!

scott: okay, just be quick.

leonard: what's the abbreviation for nobelium?

scott: no.

leonard: you said you'd tell me!

scott: no!

leonard: okay, what's sodium?

scott: na.

leonard: well at least tell me potassium!

scott: k.

leonard: what's okay?

scott: just k!

leonard: what's just okay?

scott: you mean ok2?

leonard: what's okay, too?

scott: potassium oxide.

leonard: oxide?

scott: o.

leonard: oh what?

scott: oxygen.

leonard: i asked for potassium!

scott: k.

leonard: NO!

scott: nobelium.

leonard: nobelium?

scott: no.

leonard: just gimme the bonus question! what's element 166?

scott: uhh.

leonard: go on.

scott: uhh.

leonard: uhh...?

scott: exactly!

leonard: NO. what is it?

scott: nobelium.

leonard: NO! WHAT IS IT?!

scott: NOBELIUM!

leonard: okay, just give me uranium.

scott: that's u.

leonard: i know it's up to me, but i'm asking for your help!

scott: u!

leonard: no, you!

scott: nobelium, uranium.

leonard: NO! YOU!

scott: nobelium! uranium!

leonard: you are an ass.

scott: uranium, argon, nitrogen, arsenic.

leonard:

scott: u, ar, n, as.

leonard: YOU are an ass!

scott: exactly!

leonard: BAAAH!

scott: barium!

[totallycorrectteacherspetquotes]

ian: can you die from swallowing your own saliva?

i usually keep a bowl to spit mine in, but my friends all swallow their saliva.... i told them not to because i heard it was bad. i'm right, aren't i?

leonard: what?

ian: this was a very touching and heart-felt answer. i love you.

[totallycorrectteacherspetquotes]

ian: dirt

mmmm...tasty...

mary lou: the d in dirt stands for do not eat this please

ian: but the i r t stands for it's really tasty

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ian: least favorite food and why

scott: mud it's gross

ian: fuck you and your elitism

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ian: hello hacker fucker this is ian waszelewski heres the deal. if you hack this game i will find you where ever you are and break your legs and thats a promise

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ian: when i was "7" i was in a hospital for a few months for a secret reason. my aunt brought me a snake to make me feel better, i tried to eat it but my mother slapped it out of my hand and it got away. we never found it. his name was slippy.

leonard: this ask has so many questions around it. why did you try to eat the snake? why was the hospital visit secret? was it secret to you as well? why are their quotation marks around the number 7?? as if you weren't actually seven?? this is so upsetting. thank you.