tospeakistodie

[tospeakistodie]

i’ve been told love is not enough to keep two people together. my heart refuses it but my mind tosses the thought around, considering it every now and then.

[tospeakistodie]

i’m going insane and not in a way that i can turn into art. i find that lacking a greater pain than the madness.

[tospeakistodie]

Biblis

William-Adolphe Bouguereau

[tospeakistodie]

“I like people who dream or talk to themselves interminably; I like them, for they are double. They are here and elsewhere.”

— Albert Camus; The Fall

[tospeakistodie]

how many times must i live the same day before i lose my mind? how many times must i live the same day before i lose my mind? how many times must i live the same day before i lose my mind? how many times must i live the same day before i lose my mind? how many times must i live the same day before i lose my mind? how many times must i live the same day before i lose my mind?

[tospeakistodie]

everyday i find myself unable to bare the life i’ve been given

[tospeakistodie]

i am no longer a child, meaning very little changes. I will continue to lack and suffer, only now it won’t be cruel. Rather, natural.

[tospeakistodie]

i feel so much. more than i know what to do with.

[tospeakistodie]

shame and guilt and immeasurable self-hatred. constantly.

[tospeakistodie]

i feel a tragic weight holding me to this mattress and an invisible cohesiveness binding me to these sheets. i want so desperately to start the day but it is already half gone and with each passing moment i lose more of it.

[tospeakistodie]

the sun creeps through the feathered seams of my curtains, finding it’s way into my tired eyes. forcing them open, i am silently reminded that i am alive and the day will be what i make of it. what will i make of my life?

[tospeakistodie]

“The first of June!”

Louisa May Alcott, “Little Women” (1868)