torimpthree

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rewrite of an old poem

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The archive

Turkey, 2005. Permanently tanned,

I can almost breathe that air. Gone

now, all those me’s I am staring at.

I wish, I wish, I wish

with all my heart, I could become them,

if only for a second. Because I worried,

and suddenly it’s 2009, 2012, 2017

my whole life flew by me and I forgot

to stop and be here. I don’t know

if I’ll ever feel at home.

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you, again.

sloppy kisses in our car,

in front of our new apartment.

Our cats are waiting for us,

and I remember how it felt

meeting you at 12, deciding

I was going to marry you.

It was not fate that led us here,

but the sheer determination

to always be together.

Io e te, smiling, holding hands

teenagers who never grew out

of their very first love.

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See them, hold them in your heart. 🇵🇸🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

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when did you notice the shift?

one day, you’re leading your life in opposition,

the next, you are yelling at a mirrored image,

the same fears and worries draw lines

over your rehearsed faces.

I am used to your weak spots,

I never thought they would be mine.

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childlike, tender, red with tears

you cry like I do. I forget

whose hands should be forgiving

I come short of compassion,

but I love you so I’ll hold you.

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This one is about realising you'll never grow into a little child again, and all your memories are only memories, you won't be able to touch them again. and tiktok is scary and maybe so was MTV for those older than you, but for you it was a moment of joy and freedom and you miss it.

[transcript under the cut]

Y2K

THE MEDIA LANDSCAPE IS CHANGING

TOO FAST. I CANNOT KEEP UP

WITH THE TEARS OVERWHELMING MY EYES.

MTV IS DEAD AND I WILL NEVER BE

SWEATING IN MY GRANDMA’S BEDROOM AGAIN

WONDERING WHAT ELSE 2003 HAS IN STORE

FOR A LITTLE CHEERFUL GIRL LIKE ME.

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poem about permanently leaving a place you've called home for 7 years.

Edinburgh ghost bus tour

I see them walking down and up each close,

faded smiles and laughters. Lonely, too,

they learnt about solitude and uneasiness.

Set in their own ways, stuck in their frames.

Let go!

I want to yell. But they’re not hauntings;

upon adjusting my breathing, I see they look content.

I smile at them, pray the city keeps them safe,

these memories I’ll cherish everywhere.

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ancestral

my nervous system is itching

I’m poking at healing scabs

etched so deep in my conscious

I am misremembering their origins

You look like the sunshine,

keep darkening the edges of these wounds

I feel compelled to hide from you -

unsure which one of us I want to protect.

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transcript in alt id