timelordvictxrious-blog

[timelordvictxrious-blog]

She was hugging him now, he didnt understand why. After all he’d done, after the way he’d treated her, she should’ve run him off– slammed the door on him..told him to get out. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve her kindness or love.

And yet, here she was. Holding him and apologizing for his loss. Slowly, fearful that she might realize what she was doing and push him away, he wrapped his arms about her and held her close as he attempted to reign in his emotions.

Finally, she pulled away, suggesting he take a seat on the sofa. It’d take a moment before he moved, awkwardly plopping down onto one of the cushions. He kept his gaze locked on the table in front of him, unable to look at her. Unwilling to see her reaction when he finally told her what he’d done.

Finally, she asked. He supposed he couldn’t hide it forever. She’d never let him. With a shaky breath, he began his story. How he’d landed on mars, how he’d ended up finding the planet’s first human colony…met the crew…that he knew what was supposed to happen on that date and that he’d attempted to changed a fixed point in time and failed.

“…I thought I could fix it…I thought–” there was a pause. the Doctor swallowed hard, shaking his head as he went on. “I went too far. I let that power get to my head and I changed something that should never’ve been changed. I could’ve destroyed everything.”

Again, tears began to form and he dropped his head into his hands.

“I’m scared, Martha. What if–…what if that happens again..? What if there is a next time and I really DO end up destroying everything…?

Journey to the Past || Martha & The Doctor

Martha almost regretted blocking his escape as she watched his face becoming more and more stricken with grief. Maybe this was something he wasn’t ready to do. Still, she was well aware that not wanting to talk about something was not the same as not needing to talk about it. He had come here for a reason and it would be better if they had it out here and now.

Finally, she got an explanation, or a partial one at any rate. Did he want her to come with him again, now that his better friends were gone? She disregarded the notion easily. Even he wasn’t that much of an ass.

The tears in his eyes shocked Martha. She had seen him cry for the Master and cry as John Smith but she had never seen him just…cry. The Doctor had always seemed to her to be the ‘bottle it up and save it for later’ type. Not unlike herself. So if this was “later”, happening right in front of her, what must have happened to him that was so awful?

Running on instinct now, Martha crossed the distance and wrapped her arms around him tightly. In spite of everything that had gone wrong between them it still hurt her to see him so upset. It wasn’t fair the way the universe treated him, used him up and spit him out. The Doctor deserved better. How many times had he saved them, after all?

She hurt for Donna too. Martha recalled the way Donna had talked about the Doctor. He had become her whole world and transported her away from a life she clearly didn’t want. A life she was, apparently, now trapped in without even memories to remind her of her worth. She wondered, too, how Rose could have stayed away, why she might have done such a thing. Who could leave the Doctor knowing that he loved them back? Still, it didn’t seem the right time to ask just now.

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured sincerely, pressing into his shoulder and holding him close. Her own voice was slightly choked with unshed tears for her friend. His next words took her by surprise and she pulled back from him slightly to gauge his expression. More than anything, she supposed he looked lost.

Extracting herself from the embrace, Martha gestured to the sofa. “Why don’t you sit down for a bit,” she suggested, crossing the room to sit down herself. Her mind spun slightly with the thought of what he might have done wrong. Someone like the Doctor could do as much harm as good sometimes, and on a grand scale too. The stakes were higher for someone as powerful as him and he was far from perfect. Still, she knew in her heart he would never have intentionally hurt anyone. “Tell me what happened,” she implored.

[timelordvictxrious-blog]

She hadn’t taken the bait, of course, he was foolish to think she might. Martha was far to clever for that, always had been. It was why he'd taken her on in the first place.

He let the act drop then, allowing her to see just how troubled he was. Even still, he was apprehensive in sharing what had happened. Again she spoke, and as she went on, guilt gripped at his hearts. She was right. He'd known how to get to her if he needed. He always had, but he was afraid. Afraid of what she might do, what she might say. Afraid that she'd push him away...

Just as he had done to her.

Oh.

She went on to say it was alright, that she understood.

It's not alright, he thought, it would never be alright.

And there came the final blow.

"You wouldn't be here unless you really needed something."

God, he really was that selfish, wasn't he..? He wanted to bolt right then. He didn't deserve her help, not in the slightest. His gaze went towards the door, and he casually turned to make his way to it, only to have Martha block off his path.

Damn. She was really, really good.

With his only means of escape blocked off, he stood there, staring at her helplessly.

At the mention of Donna and Rose, his expression fell even more. She offered a smile, one he couldn't bring himself to return. Despite her assurance that they were still friends, he didn't quite believe her. It wasn't her fault, how could it be? It was his. Always his. He was the one that ran. He always ran. It was second nature to him now, and a part of him wondered if, after so long, he could ever stop.

silence settled between them before he finally spoke, his voice strained as he fought the the tears that were slowly beginning to form.

"Th-they're gone...both of them. Rose went back to the alternate universe and Donna, she--....a human mind could never handle a timelord consciousness. I had to erase her mind and send her home. She doesn't remember me, she can't. If she ever does...it'll kill her." He explained, keeping his gaze on his trainers.

Again, silence fell, by this time, the tears were falling freely.

"....I screwed up, Martha." He said, finally touching on the reason he'd come to her, "I really screwed up."

Journey to the Past || Martha & The Doctor

Martha eyed him thoughtfully as he skirted around the very obvious issue on his mind. It only took so long travelling with the Doctor to work out when he was giving you the run around. The fact that he’d come here in a time of trouble at all was shocking enough. He must really have no one else.

“No, I’m not.” She answered his question in a measured tone, trying to keep her calm. “We’re not talking about me right now though, Doctor. Because you were on my doorstep without knocking… About to leave without knocking. And I’ve known you long enough to know when something’s wrong.”

Her voice remained gentle and empathetic, devoid of bitterness, as she laid all her cards on the table. “Doctor, it’s been over five years. You’ve known how to reach me all that time; it’s not like I’ve been hiding. But you never called, never dropped by. And that’s alright.” Martha nodded, businesslike, to reinforce her assurances. “It really actually is. Y’know, I get it. I do. But the fact is that you wouldn’t be here unless you really needed something and we both know it.”

She sighed and tread a slow circle around him, coming to stand between him and the door, casually blocking his exit. “So first of all, why are you alone? Last time I saw you, you had Rose and Donna at your side…” So how could you possibly need me? The unasked question flashed briefly in her eyes but she smiled sadly. “We’re still friends, Doctor. It’s alright to ask. Tell me what’s wrong.”

[timelordvictxrious-blog]

He was genuinely surprised when she stepped aside and directed him in the house. After all things hadn’t quite been left on the best of terms. Still, he supposed it couldn’t hurt. Stepping inside, he looked about absent-mindedly at the pictures that hung on the wall as Martha inquired about his real reason for coming to her.

Then again, he thought, maybe it could.

“Welllll, a little of this, a little of that..” he replied with a sniff and a small shrug. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more to leave. This hadn’t been a good idea. in fact, it was a horrible idea. 

Martha had dealt with more than enough from him. She deserved some peace. She deserved a normal life. And yet here he stood, selfish as always. Unwilling to let go of those he’d grown attached to.

“What about you though,” he asked, trying to change the subject, “Still working with Mickey?”

Journey to the Past || Martha & The Doctor

It was her night off from the hospital and Martha could finally relax a bit. She wasn’t even on call and it had been a long time since that happened. Although it was getting harder to stand still these days, it was nice to have some semblance of a normal life. Eat take-out, watch telly, call Mum…just like all the other humans did. She smiled as she tugged on her jacket, headed out to the store. 

Sometimes it felt as if she was putting on some grande masquerade, hiding herself behind a mask of bills and receipt tickets and pizza boxes, pretending the world could ever really be “normal” again. But it sure beat making morally questionable choices in some godforsaken desert on the other side of the planet. She and Mickey were better off without each other.

Completely unaware of the Doctor’s emotional turmoil on her doorstep, Martha blithely tugged the door inward and stepped outside… almost directly into the Doctor’s retreating form.

As he spun to face her, she put her hands up instinctively against his chest to stop herself running into him. Half a second later she took a flustered step back. “Doctor!?”

After a moment’s confusion, Martha finally began to register everything that was wrong with this situation. First of all, the Doctor didn’t just pop round for a visit. Second, he’d been turned away as if he’d been standing on the stoop and turned to go without knocking. Now there was something lost and strangely brittle in his eyes that she’d never quite seen before.

Martha’s feelings about the Doctor were a mixed bag these days but she nonetheless stood aside without further hesitation and directed him inside her house. All thoughts of the store were entirely forgotten. “We both know you didn’t just stop by for a chat, Doctor. What’s happened?”

[timelordvictxrious-blog]

Journey to the Past || Martha & The Doctor

Dark hues settled pentiently onto the console. This was it. He'd gone too far. She was right of course, Adelaide. No one should have that much power. And now, only yards away, she lay dead in her house, fixing the mistake he'd made. He should've left when he had the chance, let things happen as they should've-- as they were meant to. Now, here he stood. Alone in the TARDIS once more. Alone. Such a small word and yet, so very big. He didn't like being alone. Bad things tended to happen when he was. Things like this. Donna was right. He needed someone. Suddenly his thoughts turned to Martha. Ah, Martha Jones. He'd done so much wrong by her. And yet, she'd stayed with him-- for a time anyway. She'd been there when he needed her-- she always was. She'd never been afraid to tell him when he was wrong, either. It took him a great deal of time to realize that. Too much time. Guilt and fear twisted his stomach into knots as he reached hesitantly to program her address into the TARDIS. He didnt't deserve it, he knew. But he needed someone now more than ever. Would she even be willing to see him after what he'd done to her...? What he'd done to her family? Only one way to find out, he supposed. Finally putting his destination in, he pulled the lever and held on tight as the TARDIS soared through the vortex, eventually materializing just outside her house. wandering up to the door, the Doctor stood there a few moments, deciding if he should turn back or not. Just as he'd changed his mind-- turned on his heel to leave her in peace, the door opened. Immediately he spun back around, his usual grin plastered on his face. "Martha! Funny seeing you here! Well-- I mean-- not really, since it is your house. Anyway, I was just--....uhm.." His eyes darted about, trying to come up with some sort of excuse as to why he'd come here. Anything but the truth.

[timelordvictxrious-blog]