tightlaces

[tightlaces]

sometimes i forget what a fucking badass i am

[tightlaces]

i love the bootsssss

Loathing or whatever 😏😏😏

[tightlaces]

It isn't okay to want you, but

In spite of everything -

I'm just a pile of

want, want, want

[tightlaces]

It's okay to be angry, isn't it?

Like a baby not being held,

Like a tornado about to touch down.

For all my understanding -

all my positive attitudes -

all my letting live and moving on -

I'm so fucking angry that you couldn't be the person I needed you to be.

[tightlaces]

resolution: THRIVE AT ALL COSTS

[tightlaces]

a weekday lunch in which you've promised to do nothing wrong

there might be a tsunami, we heard

a name unsaid

an attempt to linger

but no tidal wave engulfed us,

no vibration shifted us out to sea

just a goodbye only you could come up with

just a moment to imagine a different disaster

a moment drifting by

[tightlaces]

The Victim

Content warning: this poem is about domestic violence & racial violence.

Battered women:

No testimony,

no protection.

She yells; I cry.

I laugh; she slaps me.

She cries.

I love her.

You're staring,

I'm staring.

My job -

Your job -

Your marriage.

Ruined women,

strange fruit.

Who's victimizing who?

[tightlaces]

strangeness as spackle

strange silences -

spackle -

hiding, poorly,

the moments when I should have

leaned over and kissed you.

the questions we asked,

the answers not so important,

just wanting to exchange something.

[tightlaces]

the second summer

the second summer turns to autumn

the breeze becoming sour

I have far less idea

what I'm doing

this year than last.

a slow, aching year

without your touch

why have we spent

our year like this,

as though we could have done otherwise?

[tightlaces]

a missive from santa cruz, calif. on a friday night

all I want is a dancefloor 

where no one cares and God isn't watching.

sweat dripping through my clothes,

swelling like a wave to the rhythm -

reminds me of my mother. 

Saturday mornings,

tap dancing in the kitchen,

how can a sound be a shape?

how can shame lose its place?

body for joy,

body for restlessness,

body for sorrow,

gestures by for between

and beyond us.

[tightlaces]

i disintegrate under conditions of leisure

[tightlaces]

power practicum

i imagine

sub ju gation

you embolden

con fla gration

silver earring

staring, silence

lean in closer

whisper guidance

closer

later

sooner 

someday

papers printed,

rush to linger.

sunny smiles,

ring on finger.

pushing softly

my attention.

"trust your instincts" -

our intentions.

instincts

linger

married

loser

[tightlaces]

They Demand Unpacking

They demand unpacking

All eyes and feet

Pulling towards me,

Asking:

Unwrap my sweater

Uncross my legs

Unshoulder my burdens

And come softly into me.

They are

At best unknowing

At worst unsaying

Either way -

Unprofessional,

Unfaithful,

Unwanted.

[tightlaces]

useful framework for my divorce arc

[tightlaces]

every prius could be you

[tightlaces]

Hey, you - 

You’re buzzing me out of my body.

Awake, alive,

Raw, roughshod: every moment is the one.

[tightlaces]

shoutout to whoever keeps stealing my mail. hope the novelty candle with a funny quote on it makes you feel like a big tough boy