tierneyambertyping

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Your body hears everything your mind says. Stay positive.

Iman

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On Ryan Gosling’s Carb-Hatred

I overheard something the other day that made me stop and think. I overheard a woman who I respect – a high-level corporate in a successful business, with a lovely family, with a nice house and holidays every other month – brazenly talking about how unhappy she was.

If you share the thought process of the sane, logical half of my brain, you’ll recognise how ludicrous this seems – what on earth could this woman have to be unhappy about? Freed from all of the traditional stress-factors that could define her (lack of money, family struggles, an insecure position at work), what more could she possibly want? Inevitably, it was that central, very un-traditional stress factor that was defining her – her weight, and her body-image.

And unfortunately, the other, irrational, constantly nagging side of my brain understood her completely. Why are none of the other successes in her life enough to stop her feeling that nagging self-doubt that is so prevalent amongst the women I meet? Why is the size of her thighs enough to send all of her other achievements into the shade? “I’m in my late 50s now, and I’m still not happy, and it’s tiring,’ she said. 

I reeled. I imagined how it would feel if thirty years from now I’m still struggling in the constant war I fight every day, just to feel comfortable in taking up space. I felt exhausted just thinking about it.

 But she wasn’t alone.

Sure enough, all the other women in the vicinity soon began to express their own worries and body hang-ups. From the junior with a poster stuck to her desk proclaiming that ‘when you eat bread, Ryan Gosling is sad’, to the team member who has a picture of her skinnier self of two summers ago taped to the wall, ‘DON’T CHEAT’ scrawled across it, this culture of ‘not enough’ seemed to surround me, at least from a self-love perspective.

It made me sad. If all I could do in that moment was to advise them to get themselves onto Instagram and fill their heads with #bopo, then that’s all I could do. I wish there was more I could do. Because every woman who chooses to stop letting her body define her happiness, her success, define her, is another member of this team I want to be part of. And that makes Ryan Gosling sad, let him cry.

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Lighten up on yourself. No one is perfect. Accept your humanness.

Deborah Day (via tanya-nicole)

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On Being Grateful For What You’ve Got

You only get one body. That’s something worth remembering, and definitely something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. And you know what? It’s been really helpful. You might be thinking to yourself: “so what if I have a body? Everyone has a body. I just wish mine wasn’t the way it is. I just wish there was a way to change my thighs/my arms/my nose etc etc.” If that’s you, then I’ve got a gentle reminder for you, honey.

On days when I wish that my knees could just be that little bit less fleshy, I remember “well, at least I’ve got knees that work, and I can get around, and run and walk and dance.” On days when I feel like I’d give anything to have slimmer hips, I think “be happy that you’ve got hips that work as they should, and are wide enough to carry out a successful pregnancy, should you ever want that.” On days when I feel like I would swap my body for any other body, I remind myself to be grateful that I’ve got a healthy body at all.

There are so many things that can go wrong with your body and your health in this life. Things that threaten your safety, or could drastically alter the way you live your life everyday. Disease, disability, disaster. Really, for your biggest problem to be that extra layer of fat wrapped around you thighs, you should count yourself lucky. Their are thousands of people in this world who suffer with physical conditions that affect their quality of life, who would gladly switch places with you. They would embrace that extra padding and be happy. Even be grateful. So, I guess this is just a gentle reminder for those days when your body hang-ups grow so far out of proportion that you stop putting things in perspective. Instead of focusing so heavily upon what it is you would change, wish was different or don’t have, start thinking about how lucky you are for what you’ve got already - for the body that has got you to where you are today. You only get one body. Don’t spend your whole life hating it.

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On #LoveAfterLocks

I’m sad. I’m really sad. It’s kind of bizarre how much of an impact the removal of the infamous ‘love locks’ from Paris’s Pont des Arts could have on me, particularly when I have never even placed one there myself, but hear me out.

I’m not so delusionally romantic or impractical that I do not understand the structural and/or architectural damage which this societal trend has had upon the bridge itself. I do agree that the cost to the city’s history in terms of damage to the 19th century bridge isn’t really fair. I recognise that for the local people, this bridge and its accompanying romantic tokens have become anything from a nuisance to a straight-up-eyesore. However, I’m just sad to see the way in which these thousands of locks have been unceremoniously dispatched. Because there is a human side to this story: these are not just pieces of metal. For many people all around the world, placing a lock on the Pont des Arts was done as an expression of their love - an eternal expression, which is now being undermined. Imagine if you’d placed a lock there with your partner who has now passed away. Imagine if you attached a lock to the bridge at a particularly poignant time in your relationship, like your engagement proposal or your pregnancy announcement. Imagine how much it would upset you to realise that something you intended to remain *forever* is now being removed, and you have no say in the matter whatsoever. I just don’t think that the human side to this issue has been treated with much tact. I’m interested to see what they do with the sections of locks after they’ve been removed from the bridge (because, at least they’re removing them in sections, not individually cutting them with steel-cutters as was initially suggested!) I think it would be nice (although unrealistic) to give people a chance to claim the locks, or at least donate the sections of bridge to some sort of museum. Then, there would at least be an opportunity for couples all over the globe to re-visit their lock, and a place where their commitment could still exist. A relocation of their love lock. Having removed the locks from the bridge itself, it would be the least the Parisian officials could do. Vive l’amour. 

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Instead of being made to feel inadequate, and that my efforts to live a healthy lifestyle are not ‘enough’, shouldn't everyone’s attempts to live well be celebrated? Why are my choices not good enough, because I will never be ‘beach body ready’ in your eyes?

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On *THAT* ‘Beach-Body’ Ad

At the risk of giving this undeserving, disrespectful brand any more unwarranted press: ah, Protein World. You’ve really gone and done it now, haven’t you? As soon as I saw these ads, even before anyone started making noise on a large-scale, I was annoyed. I remember being sat on the tube, seeing the bright yellow background with a perfectly-proportioned bikini model emblazoned next to big, black letters: ‘ARE YOU BEACH BODY READY?’ Oh, Protein World, you just pressed my rage button.

Fast-forward to now. I’ve signed the petition to have these ads removed from their current London Underground positions, which thankfully has been successful (albeit due to their ‘contract ending’ rather than TFL bowing to overwhelming annoyance from the public). As of now, the latest I know is the Advertising Standards Agency will be investing the ads, to determine whether they are harmful, offensive, or socially irresponsible. Which, as anyone with half a brain and a moral compass can see, they are. I’m not going to spend time focusing on why these adverts should not be allowed. Many people have already pointed out that, by asking everyone if they are ‘beach body ready’ and then presenting us with a size-6, perfectly toned, tanned blonde goddess, you’re going to provoke some backlash. In a society which, thank God, becomes more and more aware of the dangers of Photoshop, body-shaming, and broadcasting unhealthy and unrealistic body expectations, this advert was always going to be ill-advised. What I do want to talk about, however, is Protein World’s reaction. Quite frankly, I’m appalled. The CEO of Protein World, Arjun Seth, and his cronies responded to the backlash in an utterly disrespectful and unprofessional way, re-tweeting things such as ‘If these vandals put half as much effort into leading healthier lives they wouldnt be complaining about your ad #HatersGonnaHate’. To some extent, I can understand their reaction. Although they clearly have no understanding of the moral implications of promoting one ideal of beauty, or their social responsibility as a global advertiser, at the end of the day they have a business to run. They were never going admit to any error. What REALLY GETS UNDER MY SKIN, though, is the reaction of a percentage of the general population. From accusations that only ‘femi-nazis’ and ‘social justice warriors’ could possibly be offended, to suggestions that ‘people are only bothered about these ads because they are jealous/fat/overly-sensitive,’ the narrow-mindedness of some people shocked me. This is not a feminist/female issue. This is a HUMAN issue. Do these people not realise that NO-ONE HERE is suggesting the model featured in the advert does not look fantastic? Do they not understand that no-one is ‘fit-shaming,’ or suggesting that living a healthy, gym-focused lifestyle is anything but an individual choice? Do they not understand that the only reason people are angry is because this is yet another case of the media trying to dictate what kind of body is acceptable, and what is not? Ultimately, that’s all I have to say. It’s easy to jump to conclusions, defending the hard work that a lot of these people undeniably put in at the gym. But my final point will be something I’m very passionate about: what these twitter-trolls fail to recognise is that some people naturally WILL NEVER LOOK LIKE THAT MODEL. I could eat celery for breakfast and a PROTEIN WORLD shake for lunch. I could run ten miles every day, and row ten miles every night. I am still NEVER going to look like that girl, because my body just isn’t made that way. Instead of being made to feel inadequate, and that my efforts to live a healthy lifestyle are not ‘enough’, shouldn't everyone’s attempts to live well be celebrated? Why are my choices not good enough, because I will never be ‘beach body ready’ in your eyes? Therefore, this is my issue. To have someone try to tell me that they only way to be ‘beach body ready’ is to look a way which is physically impossible for me, is obviously only ever going to be demeaning and depressing. That makes it ‘socially irresponsible,’ and that legally warrants the ad’s removal. Go back to your shakes.

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This is the only body I will ever have for the rest of my life. It shows my struggles, and it shows my progress. Why shouldn’t I be proud of it? Why shouldn’t it be celebrated?

Loey Lane, 2014 

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On Loey Lane’s Plus Size Swimwear Lookbook

Picture the image of me standing up and applauding my laptop screen, having watched a video on YouTube, feeling like I simply have to share it immediately. That just happened. I often watch plus-size or curvier YouTuber’s fashion lookbooks, like SprinkleOfGlitter for example, because I find them inspiring: I admire these womens’ confidence, happiness and mastery in dressing their bodies in a way that makes them feel (and look) beautiful. Tonight, I watched this swimwear lookbook by YouTuber Loey Lane. I admit, I’m pretty late to the party: Lane posted this inspiring video in August 2014, and it’s only just crossed my path. But if you, like me, haven’t been lucky enough to see it, WATCH THIS VIDEO. It will be the most inspiring, body-positive act of self-acceptance you do tonight.

Watched it? Good. HOW GREAT WAS THAT? I’m just going to let Loey Lane speak for herself, and end with some of my favourite lines from the video. “When people see [my body] they assume I sit on the couch and eat McDonalds all day when I’ve never even seen a Big Mac in person” - (YAAAS. Taking into consideration the concept of NATURAL body types. Going to the gym frequently will NOT automatically make you a size 6 if your body isn’t naturally built that way.) “It’s not OK to be fat, they’ll say. You need to be healthy, lose some weight. But then when they see me at the gym they whisper and giggle just loudly enough for me to hear.” - (YAAAS double standards in this messy society). “This is the only body I will have for the rest of my life. It shows my struggles and it shows my progress. Why shouldn’t I be proud of it?” - (YAAAS, I LOVE YOU LOEY LANE. I am proud of YOU). You’re welcome.

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On Choosing To Be Happy

This is a concept that I find myself thinking about pretty often. Some days, merely deciding to feel happy and positive is more than enough to put a smile on my face and think of all the reasons I have to feel great. But other times, it’s not always that easy. Sometimes, the idea that I could ‘choose’ to feel happy feels unreachable, and it can seem like your personal emotions are not under your own control. Obviously, choosing happiness is the ideal, but we’re not all superhuman, and we could all sometimes do with a few reminders and tips. So I’d like to quickly share a couple of ideas I have for picking myself up when I’m feeling down!

First of all, I like to surround myself with positive quotes. Little mantras like ‘things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out’ or ‘it is better to let someone walk away from you than walk all over you’. These little sayings can be tailored to suit whatever struggles you’re personally having, and all it takes is a quick Google search. And once you find quotes that inspire you and reassure you, surrounding yourself with them is easy. Why not use them as your desktop screensaver? Or frame them and make a piece of wall art? Getting creative with your display will mean they hold your focus even more, and remind you to talk to yourself in a positive way. Which, on that note, brings me to my second point on choosing to be happy. I have recently been thinking a lot about something I heard: how, when we’re feeling insecure or sad, our self-talk gets downright cruel. I mean, think about it: the things we think to ourselves about our bodies or our personalities or our flaws when we’re sad and stressed are things you would NEVER say to someone you care about, like a parent or sibling or a friend. So why is it ok to break ourselves down from the inside? Checking your self-talk and being kinder to yourself is a great step to choosing happiness. And finally, another practical tip I’ve been noticing floating around on body positivity sites in particular, is to just take ten thousand selfies! Seriously, taking pictures of yourself when you’re feeling less than confident can be a lightening-fast way of improving your confidence. When we self-shame, it’s so easy to believe in a warped version of our bodies that doesn’t reflect reality. It’s so easy to exaggerate our flaws. So, taking pictures not only means that we can jolt ourselves back into reality, but it’s also confronting and helps us get used to accepting the truth. And being ok with that truth! Learning to love yourself is a sure-fire way of finding happiness: if a bunch of selfies can help with that, who is anyone else to judge? And even if it’s not a singularly-physical reason that’s taking your happiness, reminding yourself of the awesome person in the picture, and all of the great qualities they possess, is not a bad plan either. So next time you’re feeling a little down, for whatever reason, why not try one of these quick techniques? Try to choose happiness, even when it feels impossible.

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