thoughtsofanimrod

[thoughtsofanimrod]

2018 Summed Up

I felt like I need to pour out my thoughts and experiences throughout 2018 one by one, for my future self. So he can read this and just feel nostalgic again, like the person we really are.

2018 in a whole has probably been the most life changing and learning for me throughout my life, so far. Abundant amount of things happened this year. If I had to choose what age is the age where I grew from a boy to a man, then this is the age. It pretty much is a year of reflecting and learning.

Where do I even start? Ah, yes. Probably the moment of truth: I FINALLY GOT A JOB.

So that’s pretty hype. Been 2 years since I graduated my academy and I finally got a job on November 2018. And to be entering the company which is the flag carrier of this country, which my family couldn’t even enter when they were fresh graduates AND which is the company where my family dreamed of me getting into? I’m more than satisfied with that. I’m stoked to be seeing my family happy and had their dreams fulfilled.

They had 13 recruitment stages to accept new guys into their company. THIRTEEN. Honestly, I didn’t even think I’d made the first stage of the recruitment, because I just worked half-assed throughout the test. A few months after, I was informed that I passed through the next stages. And I was baffled, yet hyped. Never expected AT ALL that I’d pass that stage. I, then, went through the stages of the tests. It all had the same outcome: Constant success. Couldn’t be happier than that.

I honestly thought it was a part of my family (especially Mom and Grandma)’s prayers that I could pass all of this. Because in all honesty, I felt like I didn’t fully put it my all in this. And the fact that I got accepted despite not giving my all? That’s unreal. I dedicate all of this to my family, ESPECIALLY my Mom.

Now the job part is done. Onto the next: Friends.

This year, I’ve had such an emotional roller coaster in my relationships with my friends. I’ve made new friends, lost some old friends, reconnected with my old friends, and so on.

On making new friends: I’m essentially blessed I accidentally bumped with my old friends and had the opportunity to created a new gang with them. These guys really let me be my full and comfortable self, even to my deep and darkest personalities and behavior. And to find someone that can connect with you, even to your dark personalities and behavior? I’ve never had such an amazing friendship in my life, ever. These guys let me be who I really am, no strings attached. Thank you from the bottom of my soul.

In losing my old friends: You people have opened my eyes in why some friends, no matter how close they are to you, will leave you if they can’t fully accept or be patient with you for who you are. It was a huge heartbreak for me to lose you guys. You guys gave me so much memorable laughs, teachings, and moments in life that I will cherish for a long time. It was rough trying to move on from you guys. But Alhamdulllah, I’ve made it and fully and positively moved on from you all. Moving on is an enormous trait I’ve been hugely struggling to achieve in my life. But thanks to you guys, I’ve finally broke my own frustrating wall. Thank you for everything, the friendship was good while it lasted.

In reconnecting with my old friends: Sometimes I’m impressed by my personal ability to remember things that my old friends can’t remember on our old times together. That ability lets me able to easily connect with most of my old friends that I try to reconnect throughout my life. My tip to reconnect with old friends is to never let your ego get the best of you. Because you really need to humble yourself as humble as possible. Egoistic people can’t do that, and I realize sometimes I have my own ego problems. I’m looking at you, future me. monkaHmm

Overall, the people that I’ve met this year have given me so much joy, heartbreak, company, lessons, experience, and so on. To every single one of you that contributed to my emotional roller coaster in 2018, be it positive or negative emotions, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I am fully grateful to be able to encounter with each and every one of you. Thank you for everything.

Now on the last part: Myself.

Boy, this year was fun, eh bud? We learned quite a bit about life, don’t ya say? For starters, I’m glad you were able to get the hang of controlling most of your emotions. Since I understand controlling your emotions aren’t really your forte, due to your sensitivity hahaha. But I’m glad ya grew up this year and ended the year by not getting emotionally attached to anyone. That’s one manly achievement, for sure.

On the other hand, I’m glad you’re able to learn how to love yourself more. If ya didn’t want to reply to someone, ya just didn’t. If ya wanted to say ‘no’ to someone’s offering to go outside, ya easily said no. If you’re doing something and somebody interrupted ya, ya easily ignored them if It’s not urgent and continue doing whatcha do. I gotta hand it to ya, buckaroo. That’s pretty dope.

Those heartbreaks really taught ya good on how to sometimes not give a damn about other people. Sometimes they’re a-holes, and ya did well to not be ‘too nice’ on these critters.

Conclusion: 2018 has been, by far, the most changing year for me. I’ve learned so much new traits, habits, personalities, lessons, experiences, and friends. It’s been a maturing year. I felt like I changed so much in this year, specifically. I’m proud. To everyone who contributed to my life in any sort of way, thank you very much. Hoping for another emotional roller coaster on 2019. LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[thoughtsofanimrod]

4th of December, 2017.

                12:00 AM. I was just chilling in front of my laptop and trying to find videos on how to improve my quality as a person. All of a sudden, I got a notification from my phone. Feeling surprised, I checked my phone and saw that my first small brother, that’s still studying abroad, gave me a warm birthday wish through LINE. “Kudos, bro! You were the first who gave me a birthday wish this year!”, I told myself. Then came my Mom and other smaller brother who came in and hugged me and gave me their birthday wish.

                  Out of all the birthday wishes that I received from today, probably the most unexpected wish came from my Mom. Mom suddenly said "Semoga semakin kuat iman ya" which somehow was one of my biggest internal problems in life. Problem is: I never even told nor show my Mom that I have problems with my Iman, not even the slightest bit. That particular wish really caught me off-guard.

                   Due to this, I am 95% convinced that Moms actually have super-powers or some sort of mumbo-jumbo Spider-sense, but they're just really good at keeping it a secret. Moms are actually scary, man. Real talk. After all of that, I turned off my laptop and went to bed, with a smile in my face.

                   I woke up in the morning, still half-conscious at around 10 AM. While still feeling drowsy, I remember I promised myself that I’d be up a bit early than usual, to be able to visit Dada (My Grandpa) and Papa Au (My Uncle) at Tanah Kusir’s Cemetery. I woke up. Saw my Dad in his uniform who’s ready to go to work for 4 days to the Eastern part of Indonesia. We had a little chat, I ate 3 of his total of 8 bread for his breakfast, then he sipped his Milo in his cup, and rode off to the airport. After he left, I gave my farewell to my Mom, and started to hop off my GrabBike to the Cemetery.

                     I arrived there at 11:45 AM. It was bloody hot, even though recently It’s been raining a lot. “Good thing I didn’t shower!”, I chuckled. After complaining about how hot it is, I saw their graves, gave them my Salaam, took a picture of them, posted it on my Instastory, and had a little chat with them. Told them the family’s a bit shaky, due to their passing. I told them I miss hanging out with them, because the impact that they gave on this family is unbelievably immense. I miss Dada’s presence to be able to tame the family. Plus, I miss Papa Au who can give joy and tranquility to the “Hamid Grandchildren”. Everything just feels different. It was a pretty sad moment. I gave them some prayers, after reminiscing and talking to them. Then, Dadi (My Grandma) gave me a call, gave me her birthday wish, and told me to come to her house to catch-up with her. After the call, I gave them my Salaam, hop on my GrabBike, and left to Dadi’s house.

                    When I arrived at Dadi’s house at around 2:00 PM (not the Korean Boyband), I checked my phone and saw the replies on my Direct Messages on Instagram. I couldn’t be more blessed due to how much of my friends that spared their time to give me birthday wishes. I was pretty... Overwhelmed, that’s the word, right? Every single one of you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It was a blessing too though, that some of my friends that I admire and look up to, gave me their birthday wishes as well. That really made my day.

                   I met Dadi, she gave me her typical warm hug again and we caught up a lot. She told me that Uncle Fifi, her wife, and my newest cousin is still sleeping.  I really wanted to meet them though, but rule no. 1 on my book is: “NEVER disturb someone when they’re still in their deep sleep”. They just got back from the airport and was incredibly hectic. It’s fun talking to old people, isn’t it? I’m not the talkative type in my family, but I’m incredibly happy to be able to still talk with them. I’m starting to get the feeling that I’m a ‘Tsundere’ now, though, every time I’m with my family. “ま, どうでもいい (Ah well, I don’t really care).” I stuttered in Japanese.

                   In the middle of our talk, Dadi suddenly offered me food on the table. Usually, I don’t really have the guts to eat her creations, due to the fact that It’s TOO GOOD, and I don’t want anyone in the house to not get a taste of it. So, I’m always backing out so that everybody could eat it first. But somehow, I was pretty hungry today. Probably due to the fact that I was exposed to the sunlight at the cemetery earlier. Plus, Dadi kept forcing me to eat because she saw me and I think I look pretty tired in her eyes. “Makan Bhai, ayo dong, itu ada banyak makanannya loh.” Dadi nagged. Not being able to resist the foods on a Grandma’s home, I dug in. I was in a Grandma’s home, man. No one can escape a Grandma’s invitation to eat. I’m sure you’ve went through what I went through, right? Right?!

                   Feeling a full stomach, I went to Dadi’s room again to cool down below her air conditioner. We continued to talk a little bit, then I saw the clock was already 3:30 PM. I told Dadi I needed to go back home to guard the house and get ready to have a dinner with my Mom and my smallest brother. My Uncle and his band were still sleeping, so I just told Dadi to give them my regards. After I got my GrabBike, I gave Dadi my farewell, and went home.            

                    I arrived at my home at 4:00 PM, ONLY to find out that Uncle Fifi just woke up THE INSTANT I arrived home. How frustrating is that? Holy guacamole, man! My Uncle suddenly called me, gave me his birthday wish, and invited me to a very fancy restaurant near Dadi (and their) home which is worldly known as “McDonald’s” to celebrate my birthday at around 7:30 PM. Feeling pumped, I told him “Sure, I’m definitely in for a Big Mac!”. Sadly though, I have to postpone the dinner with my Mom and smallest brother. But they understood my situation. I can’t really see my Uncle every day though. He’s most of the time just working hectically and has a tight schedule.

                      So I showered, hopped on my GrabBike for the FOURTH time for today, and went to Dadi’s house to finally meet up with ‘Uncle and The Band’.  Uncle gave me his wish again, so did his wife, and I saw my cutest newborn cousin! Gave the guy a little kiss, played with him a little bit, until the point that he suddenly cried like a maniac due to him wanting his Mom’s milk. I just made a facepalm and giggled throughout the part of him crying, cause It’s just funny to see babies cry for the funniest of reasons. He got quiet after he got his Mama’s milk though, よかったぜ (I’m glad).

                      Anyways, then we told Dadi we need to be off to the restaurant before it gets too late in the night for my newborn cousin’s curfew (Hey, babies need their sleep too, you know!) hours. We arrived at the worldly popular fancy restaurant which is known by society as “McDonald’s” and started to order our desired meal. I ordered a Big Mac, because I’ve never ate a Big Mac before in my whole 21 years of living on this planet, as far as I can remember. Then, my Uncle ordered this new Italian-styled menu called the “Bolognese Burger” that looked and actually tasted pretty good as well, after my Uncle shared some of his burgers to me.                        So basically, I ate the Big Mac after having the taste of my Uncle’s pretty tasty “Bolognese Burger”. Honestly, Big Mac was pretty okay. It tasted like a typical budget huge-sized burger. Nothing special. After eating, I saw my cousin given a rock-a-bye by his Mom, that is, my Aunt. Suddenly, he fell asleep and he was pretty cute when he was sleeping there. He’s seriously cute when he’s asleep and/or calm, but an absolute めんどくさい (pain in the ass) when he’s crying. After eating, we went home back to Dadi’s house. When I arrived, my Uncle and Aunt went upstairs, and I expressed my gratitude to them for treating me out to McDonald’s.                         After all that’s done, I ordered a GrabBike so I could finally return to my own home that’s around 20-30 minutes away from Dadi’s house. I told Dadi my gratitude for the hospitality of a typical grandma, gave her some kisses on the cheek, and said my goodbyes to her. I hopped on the GrabBike and the next thing you knew, I was suddenly in front of my home’s door step. I met my parents and told them about my day, which was most pleasantry. I loved my day for It’s simplicity. And the fact that my day was only filled with me just going around my own family’s houses, not even spending time with my friends or distant relatives, just my main family. That felt simply heart-warming. I even thought to myself “Wow, I think I still have a heart for this family, subconsciously. Alhamdulillah.”                         I went upstairs to my room, and managed to open my phone. I’m more than blessed again, that there were loads and loads of people who gave me their warm birthday wishes. I’m absolutely blessed people still care and want to take their time to wish me their personal birthday wishes. Beyond blessed, actually. Especially some of the crushes that I’ve admired for a while #eeeee.                         At the end of the day, all I’m blessed of was just about the amount of people who took their time in giving me their birthday wishes. I know a lot of my friends have changed, got new priorities that need to be taken care of, and some just... Left. Probably due to them feeling uncomfortable with me. But some of them actually came back and took their time to say their birthday wishes to me. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. Anyways, It’s time to wrap this up. Thanks for reading!

P.S: GOKIL GW NGARET BERAPA BULAN BARU KELAR INI ASLI DAH.  FeelsBadMan