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thisismyjourney-pleasedontjudge · 3 years ago

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05/25/2022

I actually slept last night, and woke up this morning at a decent time. I feel a little less motivated now that my mind is clearer, and I know that losing weight is going to be so much harder than before.

I did, however, look into some things that I’ve been putting off. I’ve been terrified of loose skin, especially excessive loose skin to the point of having to get surgery to get it removed.

It’s been one of my excuses to not lose weight. I didn’t want to face the possibility of needing to get a surgery.

I’ve done some research though. The goal weight that I want to get to will be an extreme drop from my current weight, but I’ve read that staggering it, building muscle, and not rushing into it will help.

Like, one girl on tiktok said that every 30 lbs or so, you should stop with the calorie deficit and give your body a break, a chance for the skin to adjust and shrink back some.

Also, building muscle as you go and adding collagen (i think?) to protein shakes is a big help.

I binge eat like no other, and I have very little self-control. This is going to be a learning process on what works for me, and what continuously gets me to keep trying and working hard.

When I first saw the girl from tiktok say that I should stagger, I felt so upset. I want the weight gone, and I want it gone ASAP. But, she is right. If I want to avoid the risk of a large amount of excess skin, then I need to follow that advice.

So far, I’ve had a couple cups of coffee today, along with a couple of small macarons and this prepackaged kale and egg white potato bowl? The bowl was pretty good with a bit of garlic powder, although I still don’t like kale all that much.

It’s about 5:30 currently. I ate, I think, around 2 or 3? I’m waiting till 6 to eat dinner even though I want to eat now. I’m distracting myself by writing this, but when I’m done I’ll game or something. I don’t know.

I feel a little more irritable today. Like, cause I’m not letting myself eat everything and anything, my brain is like “be a disinterested bitch”. I’m avoiding friends today cause I don’t want to snap at them when they haven’t done anything wrong.

I also cut my soda intake down today. As ashamed as I am to admit this, I normally go through about six or seven cans a day. Today, I’m still on my first one. I cracked it open at twelve I think.

This is a huge accomplishment for me, even though it’s not a big thing. Small steps, I guess.

I wont weigh myself until Tuesday. Let’s give it a week.

CURRENT WEIGHT: 346 LBS

ULTIMATE GOAL: 150 LBS

FIRST GOAL: 320 lbs

SECOND GOAL: 300 LBS

THIRD GOAL: 280 LBS

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thisismyjourney-pleasedontjudge · 3 years ago

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05/24/2022

Today I restarted my journey with losing weight. Half of me is so excited and so hopeful for the results, but the other half can’t help but to feel super pessimistic.

On one hand, I’ve been enjoying going on shein and pinterest and looking at all of the cute outfits that I would plan on wearing when I lost a significant amount of weight. I’ve been daydreaming about going out into public and being able to wear clothes that show my legs and my arms.

On the other hand, I know that it doesn’t matter how much weight I lose, it won’t change certain facial features or body features. My feet will always be big, my eyes will always be too small for my face. My nose will always be large and piggish, and what if I don’t have hips? What if I’m shaped like an upside down triangle underneath all of this fat on my hips?

My legs will always be untannable, my freckles will be too much on my skin, my face will always be tomato red when I get even a tiny bit hot, my hair will always be thin and flat, my teeth will still be falling out, and my leg and arm hair will always be dark and the pores also too dark.

I weighed myself for the first time in a year today. I weigh 346 LBS. I’m 5 foot 11 inches. I’m obese. Like, not even just slightly overweight and simply hoping to get skinny. I’m genuinely dangerously overweight, and I can feel it affecting my health.

When people on the internet talk about big bodies and how it doesn’t matter how big you are, bigger is healthier...not all cases are like that. Yes, you can be healthy and heavy. But I continued to tell myself that logic and ignored my diet by using that as an excuse. I can feel the chest pains, the inability to walk for more than ten to twenty minutes at a time without feeling like my legs are going to give in.

When I sit in chairs, I’m terrified they’ll break. I can’t get out of them very easily either. I cant fit into certain cars, I cant fit on the bus very well without spilling over. I can’t fit into most of my clothes, my period is ten times worse. My hair and face get oiler faster, I get so hot so easily.

If you love you big body, then that’s amazing. Just please, make sure you have balance in your diet. I didn’t, I drank cases of soda a day and fucking ate such shit food. Now I’m here, no health insurance, severely overweight and feeling the effects, and so, so tired of it.

I’m trying to go about this in a healthy way, so that if I do lose a ton of weight I wont have a ton of loose skin. I don’t think that’s possible. The weight needs to go, and it needs to go now.

I’m so frustrated. I’m jobless and I need a job, food prices are going up, and the cheapest foods have been the shitty ones. I have terrible self control, and I did not sleep a second last night.

So, so tired.

Today, I have drank half of a ginger ale, I ate a wawa breakfast sandwhich, and that’s all. I’ll be making dinner tonight, so I’ll need to stop myself from eating it all in one sitting.