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For the longest time I wondered if I was molested as a child—if I was I think a lot of what I am now would make sense. Bjt i hope not, and I imagine not
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There was a strange eroticism in the idea of sucking on a man’s cock and feeling a maggot be deposited on my tongue
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Man what was wrong with me because as younger adult I just thought about sucking sucking sucking maggots out of springtraps disgusting rotting mouth
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I think the worst part about this is that I don’t want to die. I’m afraid of it. I won’t do it.
It’s just at the same time I just want to run away and away and away from everything. And if I keep running I’ll maybe escape feeling like I was born a failure and every trapping that came with being alive
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I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I ever seen to do is make people close to me unhappy. I do the same missteps over and over and no matter what I can’t seem to stop doing it. It feels like I’ve been a curse all my life. Maybe I’m irreparably broken. Just made to drift without ambition. It’d be easier if I was different but I’m trapped being me
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