this-is-my-metanoia

[this-is-my-metanoia]

The Hidden Manifesto

Of course, this isn’t very hidden.

This isn’t to be taken literally. As I said, there’s nothing hidden about this.

But there are other meanings for that word – right?

There are plenty of things in this world that catch our attention and meet our eye. To most, however, we’ll take it as it is and move on. There is nothing inherently wrong about this, mind you. In fact, most individuals will say that’s just how the world works.

There are times though, that you catch yourself staring at one section for too long – perhaps a word, sentence, drawing or painting – options are endless. Perhaps that causes you to do more research and observation.

And lo and behold, sometimes things aren’t always as they seem.

I think when it comes to art as well as life, it’s important to “dig a little deeper” – Is that really it? Was that it’s intention? While the answer may be yes at times …

There will be times where it will be no.

Taking time to step back and reflect is a learned skill – crazy, I know. Patience can be worn thin, however. Some individuals prove that point as often as they can. No matter the medium, I think it’s important to dedicate yourself to the piece – a song, for example. I made a post previously expression my admiration and love for a song created by Corpse Husband. While many might simply appreciate the lofi beat, acknowledge the lyrics and carry on with their day, there are those – such as myself – who will a song they instantly connect with [for a number of reasons]. Taking the time to listen, read, feel, and understand the song is true appreciation in my eyes. Why did the artist choose such vulnerable language? What about this beat specifically makes it work so well in par with the lyrics? Is he trying to tell us, his audience something about himself as a creator/person? Or maybe he’s trying to reach out and see who’s feeling the same? These are some questions that some won’t ever feel the need to ask. It doesn’t satisfy them as it does others.

Take Francis Alys and Rafael Ortega, Re-Enactment.

If you were to only watch it once, glossing over it as if you were skimming text, you would think it’s a recreation of a real event – both filmed, surprisingly. After watching a few times, however, along with noticing the varying stylistic filming changes, another conclusion can be drawn. If watching carefully, the viewer may be able to put together that both are edited in some way, both are technically ‘Re-Enactments’. I can admit when I say I did not make that connection the first time I watched.

So, I pressed play again.

Another time.

A third.

What number are we on again?

It is that same drive and desire to discover and unravel the hidden or secrets behind art. There is so much more than meets the eye, clearly. It just takes the right person to take initiative. An abstract painting, such as Gong by Pierre Alechinsky, for example.

I admit, it can be hard to decipher cryptic art. But fun.

Even finding those difficult shapes and colors that may or may not be something is rewarding, right?

Sometimes even researching the background (ex: Alechinsky’s trip to Japan and filming) brings a bigger light into what you already thought you knew.

Sometimes, these things are hidden in plain sight. Not just in art, but in our daily lives and world.

Others … not so much. You might have to do a little soul searching, or scavenger hunting to even get one clue. It can be frustrating sometimes.

But it could also be fun.

It could be rewarding.

It could teach us something we should have realized a long time ago.

Crazy, isn’t it?

[this-is-my-metanoia]

𝚎𝚔𝚙𝚑𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚜 - 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙰𝚠𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎

I sat comfortably in his lap, feeling his arms snake around me, fingers dancing along my sides. I thought nothing of it, continuing to let my own fingers move up and down the piano. I hummed along to the notes, trying to tune out his words and off key singing. It was one of those moments again, where I tried to distract myself from what was happening through music.

His lady would not be home for a few hours. That is where I came in, his sinful secret accompanying him to do – well, whatever he wanted. The arrangement was enticing at first, as I had the pleasure to visit and stay (even if it was only for a brief period) at such a grand summer home. He was an average looking gentleman, but the status he held was what drew me towards him. In the beginning it was an exhilarating feeling.

But my elation was short-lived.

With each visit, I grew increasingly detached. I have lost count at this point. How long has it been? Disassociating had become my coping mechanism. It seemed as this was my purpose and life now – forever known as his mistress. Is this title all I am to him? Did my feelings or thoughts matter in the slightest? I had forgotten who I was before his affair. It is all a blur. I try to not think about much when he touches me. It was no longer enjoyable or meaningful, sleeping with him. Of course, I knew better than to speak up.

My fingers froze as I am snapped from my thoughts, noticing the rays of sun illuminating them. The warmth of the light spreads throughout my body, and I turn to face the source. I never paid much attention to the window before, yet the scene before me had me entranced. I could hear the birds and their beautiful songs. The wind shook the trees lightly, the leaves a marvelous and rich green color. What a wonder our world is, and how endless its beauty seemed.

His words went in one ear and out the other and I paid him no mind. Thoughts frantically ran through my head as I continue to stare out into the garden. The world was at my fingertips, opportunities at every corner. I am worth more than this. I am more than just a mistress. I am my own person, not his in any way, shape, or form. I am only trapped if that is how I viewed the situation. I began to slowly stand up from his lap, his playful protests sounding muffled as I began to dream of tomorrow. Little did he know, this sudden revelation would conclude our conclaves. The second my gaze faltered, I would take my leave and never look back.

This is my awakened conscious.

----

The above is a short-written prose of William Holman Hunt’s Awakening Conscience, painted in 1853. I decided for this assignment to write from the perspective of the woman, who had become numb with her life as a mistress. You can tell she is one by looking closely at her hands, no ring visible. The comfortable and flirty body language the man encompasses further proves this. What I like about this painting in particular is that we can see the look of awe on her face as she stares out into the garden, reflected in the mirror behind them. It is clear she has come to some sort of revelation, and the action of her leaving the man’s lap could be interpreted as realizing she wants to leave the affair behind. With that prompt in mind, I went into detail to describe what the woman could had thought beforehand – perhaps this was a deal that had been going on for quite some time. It could have taken a toll on her mind and self-worth. To me, the options were endless. The most important part of this narrative, however, is the abrupt awareness to her situation and future the garden scenery prompts. Nature has proven to be inspiring to many, and this was no different. Her realization of a vast world with a plethora of opportunities to take gives her the courage to finally leave. She realizes the “imprisonment” she is feeling is all in her mind – it only has power if she allows it to have power.

"I have lots of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly." -Oprah Winfrey.

[this-is-my-metanoia]

not seen on tv - Francis Alys and Rafael Ortega

Everyone in this day and age is familiar with television.

Whether it's cable, streaming services or subscription based media, we're all consumed by similar media. The term 'binge watching' has become so engrossed in our vocabulary, with individuals losing sleep and letting hours, sometimes even days go by as they watch their favorite show. These types of series have us completely sucked in for whatever reason.

There are also other forms of videos that are, typically not seen on tv. This week we'll explore a short video clip, or re-enactment to be specific. We'll go in and dissect Francis Alys and Rafael Ortega, Re-Enactment, and discuss the differences from seeming less plotless videos that are more than meets the eye.

The two videos that make up the Re-enactment are projected side by side, playing simultaneously. Both videos open with a still image of a woman’s hand offering the gun to Alys. The camera, operated by Ortega, follows Alys as he walks. The “Real” scene shows the camera shaking violently and swaying with every step they take. It should be noted this video footage displays a timer on the bottom half on the screen, documenting the minutes that pass as Alys openly brandishes the gun in his hand through the busy streets.

The “Re-enactment” video opens to the same still frame of the woman’s hand offering the gun over the counter, same way it imitates the “Real” scene – This time, however, the camera zooms into the gun, taking up the entire screen. Although both videos show the same scene, albeit filmed at different times, they differ stylistically. A small detail I noticed is that the timer during the “Re-enactment” is gone, instead labeled with the text “RE-ENACTMENT” – it is very clearly there to tell the difference between the two videos, as the differences are very purposefully made. “Real”, for example, primarily tracks Alys from behind in what seems to be a continuous take. The frantic shaking and swaying mentioned previously seems to back this up. “Re-enactment” employs a variety of different camera angles, including close ups of the gun in hand. It even replays a scene where a bystander seems to look at Alys with the gun and laughs.

Both videos follow the same premise: Alys buys the gun (the question also poises of whether this was a legal purchase or not) and him loading the gun, then walking out publicly until apprehended by police. A few questions pop into mind as this happens, such as: during the first filming, what did police do after the apprehension? They filmed the same scenario twice, with police cooperating with “Re-enactment”. How did the police let him go without consequence for what seems like a serious crime? There are some behind the scenes factors that are missing that could provide meaningful context. That is, of course, if the person watching the short film is asking these types of questions.

The reliability of the videos also comes into question – not the fact that they didn’t happen, but whether they are actually BOTH reproductions of an original performance. The timer, for example, at the bottom of “Real” has been edited a good amount, considering a lot of the 12 ½ minutes is missing. The entire video funs about 5 minutes, and the realization the “original/real” video was 12 minutes came after a few watches. The “Real” footage may be the testimony of a witness, or at least that is what it suggests. That may be what Ortega and Alys wanted to portray, which makes some sense. Ultimately, these videos present that they are bolstered by behind the scenes work vs purely being documented as a live event.

[this-is-my-metanoia]

𝕒𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕠𝕞𝕪 𝕠𝕗 𝕒 𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕖 - 𝕗𝕚𝕝𝕞 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕕𝕪

Just as literature, painting, and photography, film and movie making is an art. There are numerous small details that go into film making in order to provide the audience with the best story telling experience possible. It isn't all just the script writing and acting - although those are key elements. Specifics such as lighting, camera angle, color correction, etc all play a part of making these digital stories much more impactful.

Here, I will be giving a brief synopsis of The Piano, an award winning favorite film. We'll even go one step further, dissecting a scene from The Piano and its incredible shots.

The Piano

The Piano is a film that focuses on Ada McGath, a woman in Scotland who is mute. She is sold into marriage by her father to Alisdair Steward, a frontiersman from New Zealand. No one knows why Ada has selectively chosen not to speak, not even herself. She has been this way since she was six years old. This does not matter too much though, as she expresses herself through piano and sign language. Her daughter, Flora, serves as her interpreter. Ada and Flora travel to New Zealand, however her new husband trades her piano to his friend, George Baines. Ada is obviously infuriated and sets off to reclaim the instrument she so loves with Baines. The film is filled with romance, jealousy, and heartache – all elements to create the perfect drama film.

Now, there is one scene in particular from the movie I would like to dive into.

In the movie, there is a scene where Ada and Flora visit George. They wish to have him take them back to the beach where they first landed. Ada hands George a piece of paper with this request, with George bluntly saying he cannot read. After signing to Flora, they verbally ask their request. Two things to notice as they switch back and forth between the girls and George is the type of shots. On one hand, Ada and Flora are pictured from the chest up in the doorway. Whenever the camera cuts to George, however, it is an extreme close up of his face. These shots give a perfect view of the character's expressions. While Ada and Flora give mostly blank stares, George's close up reveals his hesitance as he answers, at first saying he had no time to take the girls. It should be noted that he looks away as he speaks, not able to look them in the eye for long periods of time. Ada and Flora keep strong gazes, however.

The girls wait outside his place regardless of him saying know, and it's here we can observe the background scenery. The shots are edited with an almost blue/grey hue to it, with no backing track or accompaniment to go with the scene. All that is heard is the bugs and wildlife, and the creaking sound of George opening the door as he, more sternly, tells them once more he cannot take them. Ada and Flora say nothing, gazing curiously as George saddles his horse. They tilt there heads, noticing him pausing. The distant music of piano playing can be heard and the next scene is shown, this time a wide shot of the beach, ocean, and our three main individuals approaching the piano on the beach. The mood shifts, colors seemingly more lighter and bright as the camera shows a happy mother and daughter enjoying the sounds of the piano. Flora calls for her mother to watch as she dances by the water, waving seaweed as she moves. Her movements mimic that of a ballerina, or lyrical/contemporary dancer. George is seen saying nothing, but pacing in the sand as he listens to Ada play.

The camera cuts back to Ada and we know that she is the one playing the piano music we are hearing. She closes her eyes and says nothing, but words are not needed as we watch her peaceful yet focused expression. From one musician to another, she is embodying and feeling the music. Flora continues to dance as it cuts to George, who keeps looking back to Ada as she plays.

BlacKkKlansman

Now, this movie caught my attention as it stars the popular actor Adam Driver. The premise of the movie was interesting as well, keeping me intrigued.

I kept in mind this film was directed/produced by Spike Lee, who is also known for movies such as Do the Right Thing (1989), Malcom X (1992), and Da 5 Bloods (2020). Lee is no stranger to controversial subjects, and is renowned for his work discussing black experiences, as well as challenging racial stereotypes. With this in mind and the title itself, I knew this was going to be an engrossing film.

BlacKkKlansman was based on the 2014 memoir Black Klansman, written by Ron Stallworth. The film takes place in Colorado Springs, 1970’s. The plot follows Stallworth (played by John David Washington), the first African-American detective in the city's police department. Determined to make a name for himself, Stallworth sets out to infiltrate and expose the KKK – otherwise known as the Ku Klux Klan. He’s accompanied by his white partner, Flip Zimmerman (Adam Driver). Together, they help expose and stop the attack on black activists as well as expose the Ku Klux Klan. It comes to no surprise that throughout this 135-minute movie there are horrible remarks, slurs and racial comments throughout. It is, however, a reminder of what society and mindsets were like during that time period – and unfortunately, it wasn’t that long ago.

Movies discussing racial issues and past historical events are important even to this day, especially in this political climate. Race issues still rain prominently today, and it’s important that we are able to have uncomfortable conversations in order to improve as a society. Movies such as these are part of those conversations.

[this-is-my-metanoia]

𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 - 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲

Writing has been a part of me for as long as I can remember.

Elementary and Middle School is where I discovered my love for creative writing in particular. Overall, I think I can say I write pretty well. It's always been my strongest asset in school, whether it be essays, written assignments, etc. I can say that creative story telling was not really the main focus of English curriculum, unfortunately.

Of course, I did not let that limit me.

My preteen years were spent on forums and websites dedicated to - I admit, fanfiction and original stories. I spent all plenty of my free time indulging myself in these stories and groups where individuals like myself would create original characters, having them interact in turn based posts to create a story in real time. Although the internet is dangerous in many aspects, I'm thankful I met/interacted with people who were kind, helpful, and had fun with writing. I learned a lot when it came to story development, character development, etc. Although most were fun interactions between a self-insert character and canon/official character from media I enjoyed, it was still so much fun creating new narrative in either an already existing universe or new one all together. So, for this post I'll be posting a short story/original narrative. The main purpose is to demonstrate the basic element of plot - a situation (A) undergoing some change, which then leads to another situation (B). This is a fun assignment I look forward to doing to challenge myself, will be creating on the spot. Overall, I hope you enjoy!

---

Prompt: You're the hero waltzing with the villain, realizing they were right all along

She scanned the room before her, watching hundreds of nobles dance before her in lavish gowns and suits. It was unexpected, to say the least, that her father would plan such a regal and extravagant event, especially soon after the untimely death of her mother. Granted, it had been 3 months since the gruesome murder but nevertheless, it seemed off. Her father had been distant, not that they were incredibly close to begin with, but even more so since his wife's death. This could be his way of coping, as it was supposedly in her late mother's honor.

It still felt... off, however.

She began to walk amongst the others, nodding politely to those that gave curtsey's and bows in her direction. This came to no surprise, however. Besides being the King's daughter, it was revealed that her mother's inheritance had been left to her, much to everyone's surprise. Although her fathered had married into royalty, it was assumed it would go to him. With this in mind, she gained more respect, although it was merely just a status to her.

She continued her rounds, watching those dance around her as she tried to make her way towards the balcony. She had been asked previously to dance by interested suitors, although none seem too genuine. Hoping to romance their way into the family in order to have access to some of her now abundant inheritance. How annoying, she thought to herself. Regardless, she continued to deny interested parties, trying to make her way outside when suddenly -

"May I have this dance?"

"Sorry," she began, turning to face what she expected to be yet another gold digging suiter. "But I really just need some fresh air-"

She froze as her eyes laid upon him, realizing who it was she was facing. She looked around frantically, trying to gain the attention of a guard, her father, anyone really. Before she could speak, he grabbed her wrist and began the intricate waltz routine.

They danced around the ballroom, the other guests unfazed by the pair. She, however, felt fear creep up her spine as the man held her close.

"Thought I'd ask the most beautiful lady in the room for a dance," He said smoothly.

"Y-You.." She stuttered, gritting her teeth together as she tried to appear unfazed. Her heart, however, was pounding. "What are you doing here? How did you get in here? Surely someone must have recognized you-"

He chuckled, placing his left hand on the small of her back, just low enough to make her breath hitch and any other words die in her throat. Silence.

"All unimportant questions and concerns, my dear," He said, smirking. Despite the conversation, his eyes had never left hers, his feet still managing to execute the steps perfectly. The look in his eye changed, however, as he spoke again. "Call for help, however, and I'm afraid I'll have to cause a scene." He smiled again, demeanor changing as he held her close. "Now then, where were we?"

She couldn't speak, helpless in this situation - what other choice did she have, being swept away by a notorious, wanted assassin? Never caught, always slipping away before facing judgement, the man before her was infamous. That being said - how the hell did he end up here, with no one recognizing him? Perhaps this was his talent, and how he got away with numerous murders.

Still, how was she going to get out of this?

His head lowered as he spun her, breath hot as it grazed her ear. She couldn't help but shudder, hearing his gravely voice in her ear. It sent her heart racing, albeit for another reason. His next few words however, changed her world.

"Your father wants you dead."

Eyes widening, she pulled back slightly to look at him, opening her mouth to speak but he shut her up with a kiss, their faces hidden to onlookers. She was taken aback, her mind wanting to shove him away and scream for help. That's what her mind was telling her to do, anyhow.

Yet, her body kept them close.

He pulled away slowly, his eyes gazing into hers. She stared back curiously, trying to read his expression. It was hard to calculate his intentions and his sincerity - how could she read the mind of a murderer, anyhow?

He spun her around again, making their way towards the corner of the room. He leaned to speak into her ear again, quickly explaining.

"You have to trust me. There have been orders not to let you leave this room alive. I was -" He hesitated before continuing. "-originally part of this plot, as are the rest of the guards in this room. Which answers your question as to how I entered without trouble, yes?"

She said nothing, still in complete shock as she slowly nodded yes. Thoughts swarmed her head as she tried to rationalize what he was saying, trying to think of any logical reason as to how this could be true. This was crazy! how could she believe the words of a killer? Why would her father-

The inheritance.

Slowly, the wheels in her mind began to turn as she faced the reality of her situation. Tears welled in her eyes at the sudden betrayal, pain she was feeling in her heart. It made sense - the suspicious timing of this very ball, the increasing distance between her and her father, and the very plot would be a very rational answer as to how her sudden dance partner entered such an exclusive and protected event. Or so she thought.

"Hey now," He said softly, wiping tears from her eyes. "No tears. "

"My father is a very determined man, you know," She croaked, the tears continuing to fall. "If he wants me dead-"

He suddenly held her face in his hands, the room and its inhabitant slowly disappearing. It was just the two of them. "I will kill every last person in this ballroom while letting your father watch, and then I’ll kill him too. No one will ever hurt you.” He paused. “Ever.”

Somehow, his words were comforting. Although she could not think of a reason for his change of heart, his sudden devotion and protective nature for her, she couldn't ignore that this man wanted to help her.

Taking a deep breath, she looked at him determined. He said nothing, reading her expression in the same way she did to him. Seeming to understand, he nodded, slipping a dagger into her small hand.

"On my mark. We'll both make it out of here alive. And then we plot. Are you ready?"

They both stood still at this moment, catching the attention of the guards and her father. Realizing their plot was to be discovered any moment, he spoke.

"On my mark."

[this-is-my-metanoia]

𝔭𝔬𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔠 𝔩𝔦𝔠𝔢𝔫𝔰𝔢 - 𝔥𝔬𝔴 𝔱𝔬 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔟𝔞𝔱𝔰

Whenever asked what my favorite animal was, I found it hard to answer – just like every other ‘favorite’ question. However, over the past year I have finally decided and chose my answer, although I know it’s not typical.

I love bats.

Now, when most people think of bats, their negative reputation comes to mind. Unfortunately, a lot of people associate them with death, fear, evil, bad omens, etc. Traditional “bad” characters such as witches, are often portrayed in the company of bats. Demons are another example, sometimes depicted to have bat-like wings. Most notably, vampires are traditionally shown to be able to transform themselves into bats, with the imagery of blood sucking associated with it.

However, there is a deeper symbolism to the deeply misunderstood animal.

It is true, bats can symbolize death – but not necessarily in a negative sense. They represent, to be more specific, death and rebirth. The animals symbolize letting go of the old and bringing in the new. They are symbols of transition and the start of a new beginning. Bats are also a symbol of communication since indigenous cultures discovered and observed bats to be a highly social creature. They have strong family ties, displaying their sensitivity, nurturing nature, and sensitivity to members of their group. In Chinese culture, they represent good luck and fortune. In that same culture, a group of 5 bats represent ‘The Five Blessings’, or wufu 五福. These are the blessings of long life, wealth, health, love of virtue and a peaceful death.

Overall, bats represent and are symbols of illusion, rebirth, intuition, initiation, journey, inner depth ,and communication. Nothing like its negative stereotype.

Given my very strong defensive stance when it comes to this animal, I was of course drawn to the poem How to Love Bats by Judith Beveridge. The poem is as follows:

---

Begin in a cave.

Listen to the floor boil with rodents, insects.

Weep for the pups that have fallen. Later,

you’ll fly the narrow passages of those bones,

but for now —

open your mouth, out will fly names

like Pipistrelle, Desmodus, Tadarida. Then,

listen for a frequency

lower than the seep of water, higher

than an ice planet hibernating

beyond a glacier of Time.

Visit op shops. Hide in their closets.

Breathe in the scales and dust

of clothes left hanging. To the underwear

and to the crumbled black silks — well,

give them your imagination

and plenty of line, also a night of gentle wind.

By now your fingers should have

touched petals open. You should have been dreaming

each night of anthers and of giving

to their furred beauty

your nectar-loving tongue. But also,

your tongue should have been practising the cold

of a slippery, frog-filled pond.

Go down on your elbows and knees.

You’ll need a spieliologist’s desire for rebirth

and a miner’s paranoia of gases —

but try to find within yourself

the scent of a bat-loving flower.

Read books on pogroms. Never trust an owl.

Its face is the biography of propaganda.

Never trust a hawk. See its solutions

in the fur and bones of regurgitated pellets.

And have you considered the smoke

yet from a moving train? You can start

half an hour before sunset,

but make sure the journey is long, uninterrupted

and that you never discover

the faces of those Trans-Siberian exiles.

Spend time in the folds of curtains.

Seek out boarding-school cloakrooms.

Practise the gymnastics of wet umbrellas.

Are you

floating yet, thought-light,

without a keel on your breastbone?

Then, meditate on your bones as piccolos,

on mastering the thermals

beyond the tremolo; reverberations

beyond the lexical.

Become adept

at describing the spectacles of the echo —

but don’t watch dark clouds

passing across the moon. This may lead you

to fetishes and cults that worship false gods

by lapping up bowls of blood from a tomb.

Practise echo-locating aerodromes,

stamens. Send out rippling octaves

into the fossils of dank caves —

then edit these soundtracks

with a metronome of dripping rocks, heartbeats

and with a continuous, high-scaled wondering

about the evolution of your own mind.

But look, I must tell you — these instructions

are no manual. Months of practice

may still only win you appreciation

of the acoustical moth,

hatred of the hawk and owl. You may need

to observe further the floating black host

through the hills.

---

Now, what I love about this poem is how it has the reader picture and imagine itself as a bat. It's a beautiful piece of work that describe the true nature of this animal.

"Begin in a cave."

"Weep for the pups that have fallen. Later,

you’ll fly the narrow passages of those bones,"

The opening words are interesting, as it has death introduced immediately. It isn't necessarily a bad thing - it is simply just life. Bats are known to live in caves, it's where they are born and most likely, where they die. Life begins and eventually comes to an end. It can be sad, and we may grieve, but it all has its time and place. It's no different for these creatures - they feel the joys of birth, and the sadness of death.

"open your mouth, out will fly names

like Pipistrelle, Desmodus, Tadarida"

Pipistrelle, Desmodus and Tadarida are actually geneses of bats, all with their own unique traits. This was just a small detail I found interesting.

"You should have been dreaming

each night of anthers and of giving

to their furred beauty

your nectar-loving tongue. But also,

your tongue should have been practising the cold

of a slippery, frog-filled pond."

The description here to me is describing two specific species of nectar-feeding bats: the lesser long-nosed bat and the Mexican long-tongued bat. These animals do exactly as the poem describes, and drink nectar from flowers. It's a pretty description of their feeding habits, not at all the dark, fear driven automatic assumption of drinking blood (although the Vampire Bat does drink blood, it is not the only species). Bats usually have to swoop down in order to drink water, and there are some species that eat frogs - something the author might have known, hence the description of a "slippery, frog filled pond". But all in all - bats need to feed and drink just as we do.

Perhaps one of my favorite parts of the poem, however, is the last section:

"But look, I must tell you — these instructions

are no manual. Months of practice

may still only win you appreciation

of the acoustical moth,

hatred of the hawk and owl. You may need

to observe further the floating black host

through the hills."

To me, the author is saying how their written "instructions" on how to be a bat, how to appreciate the creatures, may only teach the reader small facts. This includes predators such as hawks and owls, like it mentions. The last line, however, tells the reader that further observation is required. They can be told information all day long, but it is better for them to see it themselves, to understand the animal through their own research. Hopefully then, this deeply misunderstood animal can be loved by others as well.

[this-is-my-metanoia]

ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄᴀʟ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇ - ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴏɴ

月が綺麗ですね

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it?”

1. Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller & His Orchestra

Glenn Miller is always a favorite, jazz being a top favorite genre of mine. This song in particular, probably one of his most notable pieces of work, is a beautiful piece. No doubt this song is seen as romantic, with no overbearing brass as all sections, woodwinds and horns alike, fit together nicely in this song. I have always imaged this piece as the perfect background music for a couple, slowly dancing together and alone, illuminated by the light of the moon - A true "Moonlight Serenade". I do admit, it is on my bucket list to dance to this particular Glenn Miller song with a partner.

2. Clair de lune - Debussy

The name literally translating to moonlight in French, this piece embodies its name. As someone who played this on flute during their High School years as well as analyzed it from a compositional point, I can assure that it represents its namesake well. Debussy creates a surreal and dreamlike scene, the notes fluttering and soft just like the light that shines down. If you listen carefully, this dreamy, floating sound is caused due to the rhythmic ambiguity - there's a push and pull with the momentum of the notes. There are deliberate pauses as well, to give the listener time to reflect on each note and wallow in their solitude (I mean that in the best possible way). Perhaps its the musician within me, but I adore this piece whole heartedly.

3. Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra

Fly me to the moon Let me play among the stars Let me see what spring is like On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand In other words, baby, kiss me

In other words - he's in love!

This upbeat hit is a classic and memorable song to everyone, generations within his time to now enjoying this song to the fullest. The song is a great example of how the moon can be used as a metaphor, Sinatra uses the title as a creative way to say his partner and lover that they take him to an euphoric state. It can also be interpreted as the stars and space being endless, just like love can feel. Overall, a wonderful song that gets everyone singing along.

4. D (Half Moon) by DEAN ft. Gaeko

It's quite clever the song title is represented by just the letter D, which looks like a half moon. Delving into one of my favorite artists and genres, DEAN is a popular R&B singer hailing from South Korea. The song translates and expresses the state of emptiness due to a lover’s absence. This can be backed by lyrics such as:

"In the place where you used to be I can see the night sky That half-full moon looks just like me right now"

"Love, love the stars Love, love the moon Nothing comes even close to half of you If only I had just half of you"

This is yet again another example of how the moon can represent love in all instances, and all phases. The soul filled song definitely creates the image of missing a partner.

5. Moon Chant - Marie Bruce

This one probably speaks to me the most, considering it connects to me on a spiritual level. The beginning of the song gives a sense of comfort and serenity, with the soft instrumentation and gentleness of it overall. The nature background sounds and flute in particular extenuate the spirituality of the song.

See the moon tonight Smiling down on me As I cast my circle of infinity When the moon shines bright Goddess calls to me And I dance in the circle of her love and I dance in the circle of her love

The lyrics give the Moon qualities that make it seem as an entity, a being, or deity. Just from the first verse, you can see Bruce writes about the Moon in a positive light - literally. The Moon radiates compassion and unconditional love. She gives guidance and healing grace. She watches over all that embrace her very being.

Eternal immortal the Goddess remains And the cycle of moonlight begins once again To the moon tonight Shining down on me

Even though these are only snippets of the song, the lyrics could not be any more true to me. Its a small look into what I believe, and how I view my faith. I'm not shy to say I follow one of the older religions, and proud to be polytheistic. The Moon has been seen as a deity for numerous cultures spreading throughout time - examples being indigenous cultures, Greek and Roman, etc. This isn't something new.

This song captivates who she is to me. And she is wonderful.

6. Sisters of The Moon - Fleetwood Mac

This song is a bit harder to interpret, but its a great song nevertheless. I've seen a few speculations on the song meaning, but overall I believe Stevie Nicks is talking about herself here.

"Intense silence As she walked in the room Her black robes trailing Sister of the moon"

"And black moons in those eyes of hers Made more sense to me Heavy persuasion"

"It was hard to breathe She was dark at the top of the stairs And she called to me"

To me, this is Stevie talking about herself - she sees herself as a scary, skinny, mess - a version of herself she did not recognize. Stevie looked at herself in a mirror and thought she was "fading away", as if she was practically gone. It was hard to recognize herself, hence why she made this darker, separate version of herself in this song. Perhaps she's describing her performance persona as well, and was realizing she was letting it define her. There is alot of speculation on the meaning of this song, but it gives that "darker" metaphorical comparison to the Moon, or something similar. Overall, it's a good song that I quite enjoy.

[this-is-my-metanoia]

𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐚𝐫𝐭 - 𝘒ō𝘮𝘰𝘬𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘯 広目天, "𝘒𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘞𝘦𝘴𝘵"

Japanese culture has fascinated me for a very long time, and it has done the same for millions of people all over the world. In my experience I can say their media, music, fashion, and attractions have certainly captured the hearts and interest of many, including Westerners. Japan being one of the few oldest countries of the world means its filled with rich and engrossing history dating extremely far. Although there are many cultures and cultural art that interests me, I can’t help but be drawn to this specific country.

So, of course, I begin my research.

As I browse articles and images discussing Japanese sculpture art (our topic for the week), one in particular caught my eye.

This is Kōmokuten.

This particular sculpture is located in the Hōryū-ji temple, found in the Nara prefecture in Japan. The sculpture was created by Yamaguchi no Ōguchiatai 山口大口費, a sculptor of the late Hakuho period. The sculpture stands at 133.3 cm, in the round, made of wood and is known as the oldest surviving Kōmokuten statue to date - made mid-7th century. The age is definitely evident, as signs of wood deterioration/discoloration is shown in his face and his robes. I do believe it adds to the beauty of the sculpture, especially since it’s still been preserved and standing after all these years. The halo Kōmokuten dons has Yamaguchi’s name inscribed.

Kōmokuten is on of the Shitennō, or “Four Heavenly Kings.” They are Buddha’s protectors who protect the four cadinal directions of his realm, as well as protect the nation. Each Shitennō represents a direction, season, color, virtue and element. They actually originate from India/Hinduism but were later adopted into Buddhism, joining Japanese and Chinese pantheons– a fact I find incredibly interesting.

Kōmokuten directly translates to “Wide Eyed” or “Expansive Vision” – he sees it all. Kōmokuten sees through/destroys evil and encourages the desire for enlightenment. He represents and guards the Western Quarter; his representative color varies from culture, especially white and red. The statue itself has red in it, though it could most likely the color of the wood. In his hand, he dawns a writing brush and the other contains a scroll. With his robes and these two items combined, he definitely gives off a “scholarly” image – someone who contains a lot of knowledge (which makes sense as a deity trying to spread the teachings of Buddha). This would make sense given that he, according to name translations is the one who sees everything for what it is. His power and status to me is evident with the halo surrounding his head, supporting his place as a Buddhist god/guardian. From this particular image it’s a bit difficult to see what he’s standing on, but from my research almost all Shitennō are depicted to be standing on jyaki 邪鬼, or evil demon. Although the lightning is dim, I do see a face, arms, and hind legs on the being – so it’s safe to assume that is what he is standing on. This symbolizes Kōmokuten and the other guardian’s power to defeat evil.

The history of these Heavenly Kings is extremely interesting, especially since they branch across other countries and cultures. The sculpture Yamaguchi created – “the oldest extant statue of Kōmokuten” – is a piece a history and cultural significance. It’s even included in the List of National Treasures of Japan! For me, it’s always wonderful to see pieces of the past still preserved in our art, literature, and in this case religion as well.

[this-is-my-metanoia]

𝚊𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚝 ; 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚐.

Abstract art (noun): art that does not attempt to represent external reality, but seeks to achieve its effect using shapes, forms, colors, and textures.

There are certain things that are not meant to be taken so literally – literature and art are two main examples. It’s to separate or withdraw something from something else. Scrolling through the Met Museum’s page, it’s fascinating to see the different styles and work each artist brings to the table. There were many pieces to choose from, by one piece in particular caught my eye.

Gong – Pierre Alechinsky ; acrylic.

It isn’t filled with bright colors, so it’s not like it “popped” out to me in that sense. That’s alright, though – I always preferred dark colors anyway. The mix of light and dark blues give the piece a sense of calm. Although blue is a color that is usually associated with depression and sadness, I don’t believe that is what the piece is giving, or what Pierre intended for the art to portray. It brings me a sense of calm, serenity, and tranquility. Blue has that affect on people, studies show, which is why many find peace when staring out into the ocean.

But I digress.

There’s a type of fluidity that is within the lines drawn, one that’s deliberate and thought out. If you look closely, those lines are evident even within the dark blue sections of the painting. It should be noted that Alechinsky traveled to Japan in 1955 and ended up producing a film called “Japanese Calligraphy”. The film documents the practice of the country’s calligraphy, which he took inspiration from for his own work. He adopts the style of the calligraphers, who place the paper on the floor and use their entire body to create a work. The linework in this piece reflects that, using flowing and gestural lines of ink to create the “gong” imagery, which can be seen in the upper left corner of the painting. To the right, however, we see this same linework with the mix of light blue and white to depict not another gong, but another image – a larger one.

What could this other half of the painting be?

To me, with the shapes Pierre created it looks as if there is a woman dancing, her movements flowing as she seemingly dances to what may be the sound/music of the gong. Considering this piece was influenced by East Asian culture, with the gong, calligraphy influence and the figure’s dress flowing similar to one a Japanese woman would wear. Having put all these pieces together, it’s evident to see the influences Alechinsky took inspiration from to put into his art. The title of “Gong” alludes to the sense of sound; Notes and lyrics can flow from one to another, similar to how the lines in the painting move. Going back to the water analogy, one can also say the woman’s movements can be compared to moving bodies of water, such as a stream. It truly is fascinating to see how deep an analysis can run if one truly seeks to understand and interpret a piece of art.

Feel free to make your own interpretations!

[this-is-my-metanoia]

r e p r e s e n t a t i v e w o r k - agoraphobic by CORPSE HUSBAND

"Choose a work of art that in some way expresses your sensibility, your values, your taste, your style."

"One that you feel does a good job of communicating something about you, something that you think is important."

I’m excited to delve deeper into this week’s post – for one, it allows me to share one of my favorite content creators/musicians, as well as dive deeper into the specific song agoraphobic – what is he trying to convey to his audience, and how does it express my own sensibility, values, and style?

First, the title:

AGORAPHOBIA - “a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. You fear an actual or anticipated situation, such as using public transportation, being in open or enclosed spaces, standing in line, or being in a crowd” (source)

Corpse is an artist shrouded by mystery. Known by his incredibly deep voice, the rest of his identity is kept secret. His name and face are not known to the public, except for a few very close friends. He has, however, shared some details of his life, such as his chronic and mental illnesses. This song in particular already differs from his previous songs – a lo-fi beat with surprisingly deep and personal lyrics. The song already meant a lot to his fans – including myself – as we begin to try and understand him.

agoraphobic takes us on a journey into the depths of Corpse’s mind. His mental state and daily struggles are emphasized in the lyrics, expressing themes of depression, anxiety, paranoia, suicidal thoughts, and inadequacy. These topics are incredibly heavy by themselves, but relatable to thousands of people – including myself. Having an artist such as Corpse be vulnerable about his experiences and willing to share them is incredibly important as it allows the conversation of mental health/illness to be normalized.

"'Cause I can't do shit right, I can't learn my lesson

I can't do shit right, take anti-depressants

Illness and welfare robbed my adolescence

My friends probably hate me, can't answer a message"

Mental health is incredibly important, and those who struggle with it can agree these thoughts have appeared more than once. Struggling with negative thoughts affect daily life, including friendships. There can be a sense of guilt with having such issues, and even as we work towards better health through means of medication and therapy (these are just two examples) that feelings of inadequacy always seem to linger – at least in my experience.

As mentioned earlier, Corpse has shared some details of his personal life, including details of his chronic illnesses. He has been medically diagnosed with conditions such as fibromyalgia, Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, and GERD - the latter being the cause for his extremely deep voice. This on top of his mental struggles proved to be very difficult to navigate throughout childhood and adolescence. Dropping out in 12th grade, he was constantly told by peers and teachers he would not amount to anything in life. Fast forward years later, he is proving them wrong with his ever-increasing popularity and supportive fan base. It is the perfect example of how staying true to yourself, working hard and surrounding yourself with supportive people can triumph such negativity. Although his experiences are his own, it is a positive outcome that can inspire hope to those struggling with their own hardships.

However, with being a faceless/private influencer, there are downsides.

"Not a role model, that's not what I strive to be

Can't go outside, I'm afraid they'd be findin' me

Paranoid 'bout my privacy, yeah

And they always askin' questions 'bout my face, can't relate"

Celebrities – whether popular through streaming sites, music, movies, etc – are people too. This is a detail many people, including their own fans, sometimes fail to realize. Anonymity is incredibly important and crucial for Corpse, especially as he suffers from his extreme anxiety and agoraphobia. I remember when this song was released and there was an awful situation where many tried to doxx Corpse as well as send threats. Many “fans” were determined to know what he looked like, despite him wanting to stay a secret. On a previous livestream, the screen had gone black and there was about two minutes of silence – he had thought he had accidentally shown his face and muted the stream due to intense hyperventilating. It’s heartbreaking to know he struggles so much with this crippling paranoia and anxiety, barely able to leave his house due to the fear of being recognized. Hence the lyric,

"Got a fuckin' date with death, on house arrest 'til trial date"

His lyrics touch me as he shares what goes on within his mind, and even if we aren’t able to relate fully to his exact situation (especially dealing with fame), it starts a conversation. Lyric writing allows the artist to share in ways unique to them and their story, and I believe that to be modern art in a sense. Sitting back and listening to the words and their meaning, not taking words just for their face value is our way to appreciate that art and tell the artist “I hear you, and I understand.”

"Yeah, I spend 'em all inside, waste my time while I'm scrollin'

But I love when it rains 'cause I'm agoraphobic"

Rain can be a good thing or bad thing for people. Many groan as it starts to rain at inconvenient times, such as when errands are needing to be done. Rain, in a way, washes everything away – including the bustling world. People cover themselves up, hiding underneath umbrellas as they avoid the showers. A lot of people also refrain from going out during this particular weather. Everyone suddenly becomes “isolated” in a particular sense as they keep to themselves.

For someone such as Corpse, this is good for two possible reasons.

As the chaos of the real-world simmers and quiets down, he may feel comfortable enough to go outside for brief periods of time. This isn’t a solution to his agoraphobia but may possibly help. Or perhaps he uses the excuse “I can’t go out because it’s raining,” to avoid additional questions as to why he won’t leave his home, not wanting to discuss his struggles so openly with just anyone.

Corpse at the end of the day is a human being – just like everyone else.

He struggles with feeling wanted and feeling appreciated in society. His renowned success almost means nothing; he suffers the same as others do. While his particular story is unique to him alone, this song expresses some themes that many are able to relate and talk about.

This includes me.

The themes this song includes are depression, anxiety, self and outside perception, inadequacy, and questioning self-worth. Struggling with mental health regardless of severity affects millions of lives whether famous of not. It is often treated as a taboo subject despite being a common occurrence. Corpse isn’t the first to discuss his mental illness through music, but I hope he won’t be the last. Those who share their stories help those who happen to hear. The outpouring love and support he's received with this song and overall content has been shown to help him in so many ways. Corpse is persevering through his hardships with the encouragement of his supporters and friends, just like he is helping us persist through our own with his kind heart, entertaining content, and enjoyable music.

I suppose why this song is important to me and the first that came to mind when answering the above questions:

"Choose a work of art that in some way expresses your sensibility, your values, your taste, your style."

"One that you feel does a good job of communicating something about you, something that you think is important."

Mental health is important to everyone, influencer or not. It is important to me, especially as I continue to grow and overcome my own experiences. His art – his heart – has impacted millions of people worldwide and opens an important conversation.

We may not be okay right now, but we will be.

:)

[this-is-my-metanoia]

about me

So - who are you?

My name is Kaitlyn - but please, call me Kaye. It's a moniker I've grown to like very much! Besides that, I am 20 years old and working towards my degree in Elementary Education. I'm a spiritual person with my own set of beliefs, currently on a path that is very much my own.

Through this blog I hope to document all I learn about humanities - we'll analyze the arts and how society has reacted to such art throughout history. As someone who's very artistic and creative, I am excited to see what each week brings.