thestarlightsys

[thestarlightsys]

Here’s my metaphor for systemhood that I tell my singlet friends.

Imagine you’re playing a first person video game. You have the controller, you control your character. It’s a normal first person game. You are an alter, the character is the body. This is fronting.

Other people live with you. Sometimes, they come into the room and sit and watch while you play. They sometimes try to guide you, give you advice on what to do next. They don’t always agree, and they can argue with each other. Other times they scream at you that you’re doing everything wrong and you suck at this game. This is co-consciousness.

Imagine how distracting it would be for people around you to tell you what to do, or to scream at each other or at you, even if they have good intentions. It wouldn’t be easy to focus on your game, would it?

Then sometimes, something happens in the game that prompts you to hand off the controller to someone else so they can play and you get a break. This is (some types of) switching. This can be good.

Other times, someone rips the controller out of your hand or fights you for it. This is (other types of) switching. And sometimes, six other players hook up their controllers, but there’s only one character to play as. So all of you have your controllers, but you’re all trying to play the same character. This is cofronting.

Imagine how difficult that would be. Imagine how hard it would be to try and play a game while someone is trying to take the controller from you, or while six other people are trying to play too.

There are also times that nobody is playing, or you can’t decide who should play. What’s happening to the character in the game? What are they doing if no one is playing? This is dissociation. The character is doing nothing. They’re stuck.

This is the best metaphor I have come up with for being a system. It’s something a lot of people get because they’ve played games before.

[thestarlightsys]

I can't believe that all of the Decepticon's high command is autistic!

[thestarlightsys]

A surgeon with DID, call that an operating system

[thestarlightsys]

[Image ID: The man putting on clown make up on meme. White face paint is being applied. The first box says "These characters that I use the name and pronouns (what I think they'd use) to cope with trauma and have specific roles are normal, it's just Maladaptive Daydreaming". Eyeshadow, vertical eyeliner, blush, and a red clown smile is applied. The second box says "I have very different thought procceses, emotions, music tastes, and styles, and a few have dysphoria around things I don't, they also show in multiple areas of my life without me controling, but again, I'm just acting". A rainbow afro is being place on his head. The third box says "Those characters barely show up now, though sometimes one randomly does, but I have littlespace where I go by a very different name and pronouns that's based off of a show I loved as a kid". The man turns to the camera with full clown make up and a red nose. The last box says "I am one, singular person". End id]

[thestarlightsys]

i feel like something a lot of a ppl need to understand with DID is that it’s an extremely internal experience and, most of the time, isn’t as clean-cut as it is portrayed. sometime switches can be simple and feel possessive, as one alter enters and one alter leaves, but in other times it can feel like the slow and swaying liquid inside of a lava lamp. everything can mesh together and cause even more dissociation/confusion as a reaction, leading to not knowing who is exactly fronting and even how many. every system is different, but this is always the worst for us.

[thestarlightsys]

me, getting into a piece of fiction: oh hey that character is basically me in fiction form, that's wild

me, in my head: dontsplitdontsplitdontsplitdontsplit-

[thestarlightsys]

Grounding tips if you're dissociating in public.

If you're in a public place it can be harder to ground. Here are things that have worked for us:

Pick a random colour and then find and name - out loud if possible, but in your head can help too - all the things you can see that are that colour. EG "that streetsign is green. This grass is green. That person's coat is green". Alternatively, just say the name of the colour every time you see something with that colour. If you run out of a colour too quickly, pick another one and start again.

Control your breathing. It's very easy to lose control of your breathing when dissociated. Try to focus on it, and count your breaths to whatever breathing exercises work for you. If you're not sure what to do, one good breathing exercise is to Breath In for 5 seconds, Hold It for 3 seconds, then Breathe Out for 6 seconds and repeat. Focus on how your breath feels; is the air warm, neutral or cold as you breathe in and out?

Wiggle your toes and feet, and/or your fingers and hands. This helps with the circulation flowing throughout your body, which can help you ground easier.

If possible, remove yourself from your current location. If you're in a cafe or library or store/shop, go to the bathroom if you feel able to, or leave the place briefly and walk around. If you're on the street, go into a nearby shop/cafe/mall/centre etc. If possible, a quieter place like a park may work best. Either way, try to change your location, as the change in scenery can help you with the dissociation.

Carry chewing gum and/or water. It's okay if you don't have them this time, but drinking water (especially if it's cold water), chewing gum or eating something small may help.

If any of these helped you, I'm glad! If not, that's okay! You will be alright, and your experiences are still valid. The unfortunate thing with dissociative disorders is that sometimes there's not much you can do except wait for it to pass. I promise you that you will be okay, and that this will pass in time.

[thestarlightsys]

not related to TOHP (my horror project)

lately i’ve been really into dolls and toys, especially clowns. I decided to design the clown doll i wish existed. So I drew her. She doesn’t have a name yet! (any suggestions welcome)

my idea is she is a little creature, one of a whole species of magical little clown friends. that’s why she has a tail. the top is her default outfit but i figure she can dress up a lot.

really into art toys/dolls/plushies ooak stuff and clowncore!!

[thestarlightsys]

Grounding tips if you're dissociating in public.

If you're in a public place it can be harder to ground. Here are things that have worked for us:

Pick a random colour and then find and name - out loud if possible, but in your head can help too - all the things you can see that are that colour. EG "that streetsign is green. This grass is green. That person's coat is green". Alternatively, just say the name of the colour every time you see something with that colour. If you run out of a colour too quickly, pick another one and start again.

Control your breathing. It's very easy to lose control of your breathing when dissociated. Try to focus on it, and count your breaths to whatever breathing exercises work for you. If you're not sure what to do, one good breathing exercise is to Breath In for 5 seconds, Hold It for 3 seconds, then Breathe Out for 6 seconds and repeat. Focus on how your breath feels; is the air warm, neutral or cold as you breathe in and out?

Wiggle your toes and feet, and/or your fingers and hands. This helps with the circulation flowing throughout your body, which can help you ground easier.

If possible, remove yourself from your current location. If you're in a cafe or library or store/shop, go to the bathroom if you feel able to, or leave the place briefly and walk around. If you're on the street, go into a nearby shop/cafe/mall/centre etc. If possible, a quieter place like a park may work best. Either way, try to change your location, as the change in scenery can help you with the dissociation.

Carry chewing gum and/or water. It's okay if you don't have them this time, but drinking water (especially if it's cold water), chewing gum or eating something small may help.

If any of these helped you, I'm glad! If not, that's okay! You will be alright, and your experiences are still valid. The unfortunate thing with dissociative disorders is that sometimes there's not much you can do except wait for it to pass. I promise you that you will be okay, and that this will pass in time.

[thestarlightsys]

Tag your system members

[thestarlightsys]

asian grass lizards are so silly

[thestarlightsys]

Floating face down in a blank word document file, while not physically possible, is nevertheless a tangible authorial state.

[thestarlightsys]

Girls will scuttle around under leaf litter and prefer cool and damp environments

[thestarlightsys]

Someone in our head just says “beep boop” and it hasn’t occured in months only for it to return 😭

[thestarlightsys]

Some symptoms of our dissociative disorder we experience we don't see talked about much:

- Having trouble telling apart fiction and reality because most of the time, reality doesn't feel real

- Not always being able to see other people around me as real

- Not being able to believe something really happened months or even years after the fact

- Never feeling like I can trust myself, especially my own memories

- Being terrified because of sudden negative emotions or panic over a trigger I don't understand and didn't know existed

- The sheer terror of watching my own body move against my will and not being able to stop it, being forced to just sit there and watch my own body do things I didn't choose

- Never feeling like I have full control over my own life and future (but feeling like I need to control it to an almost obsessive degree)

- Feeling like my entire life has been taken away from me because of how much of my memory is gone

- Never being able to see my own body, or even my own mind and thoughts as really mine

- Almost never being able to keep a schedule together because I never know when my symptoms are going to get worse and make it harder to function

- Never feeling like I know who I am no matter how much I analyze every part of myself

- Being constantly terrified that any second I could have hours, days, even months or years ripped away from me from dissociation and memory loss

- Never being able to be sure I didn't do something, even if it sounds like something I would never do

[thestarlightsys]

There are 2 Jinxes now. One with a Y and an introject with an i

-Host 💫

[thestarlightsys]

Also trying to build headspace but alot of us have our own spaces so making a conglomerated place when we’re each more comfortable in our “home” is difficult to get the motivation for. Especially since Jynx tends to hog headspace time