thespacestationsys

[thespacestationsys]

Can't even stand straight

[thespacestationsys]

god pigeons have such good coos. theyre like horoorororo. i love it. it vibrates in the chambers of my heart and awakens my soul from a slumber that was far, far too long. horoorororo

[thespacestationsys]

coke of cola is a health potion. pepsi is a mana potion

[thespacestationsys]

Gettin' Through the Holidays Mental Health Tricks

If y'all are anything like me, this time of year is triggering AF. Here are some small, very easy grounding exercises that I was taught by my therapist, basically in order of how much I like them for this rage-inducing season. You make like them in a different order, depending on your rage-to-despair ratio.

Push a wall: literally go up to a wall and try to push it over. Really try. I promise you won't push it over, but give it your best shot. Try to hold it as long as you can, and then take a breather and assess whether you need to repeat. Why it works: This is a quick, physical expulsion of the fight-or-flight feeling. It's a bit like punching a wall, but without the potential to hurt yourself/look scary/damage things. You can even do it in front of people and say you're stretching, they'll never know (unless the wall actually falls down, but this will not happen, I assure you).

Shake like a dog: Animals shake to release stress, and you are also an animal. Setting aside time to just shake it out, as vigorously as you can, arms and legs, face, stick your tongue out, pretend you're shaking like a wet dog. You can dance instead, if that feels better, and you can do this to music, but basically the more unhinged you can be, the better. If you are in a place you can scream, scream too! Why it works: like the above, this is a release of pent-up stress and anxiety. Especially if your rage-to-woe ratio is high, some kind of physical exertion is often the best way to burn through the cortisol and adrenaline you're building up.

Bilateral Tapping: Cross your arms over your chest so that your fingertips are at your shoulders, and slowly tap, one hand at a time, back and forth, for about a minute. Breathe slowly. Why it works: This is weird as hell, but because this engages both sides of your brain, it helps override the activity of the amygdala, which is the part of your brain that Makes The Fear. If you're being literally triggered in a situation, i.e. you're having a trauma response, or reliving some family trauma, this is a good one.

Box Breathing: From a comfortable position (can really be seated, laying down or standing), inhale slowly for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, then repeat. You can do it for shorter counts or longer counts, but if you vary the counts make sure the exhale is longer than the inhale. You can close your eyes or leave them open. Why it works: This exercise helps you move from a sympathetic (activated) nervous system response to a parasympathetic (balanced) response. I do this one every day, and it's a good gateway to meditation. Especially helpful in anxious or tense situations, but I find if I'm very triggered I need one of the other ones first, or it can make anxiety worse. Breathwork is amazing but not usually as a first exercise if you're very activated, or have been activated a long time.

Ice: Lots of ways to do this one – hands in cold water for 30 seconds, ice pack on the back of your neck, dip your entire face into a bowl of ice water (this one's the most effective). Why it works: I kinda think this is hilarious, but this activates your mammalian dive reflex. It immediately slows your heart-rate, so if you are feeling your blood pressure and heart rate rising, this one is very good. The only reason this one's at the bottom of my list is because I hate being cold.

I wish you all a very get-through-the-holidays-without-hurting-yourself. Take time alone if you need it.

[thespacestationsys]

I don’t know if I’ve spelled it out on tumblr yet, but I want to talk about The Mammal List. 

The Mammal List is something I came up with when I was in a mental health intensive outpatient program four(!!) years ago. The premise is that we are at our core animals, and if I consider myself the way I’d consider a pet cat, I’m much more likely to practice good self-care:

1. Mammals need food. Eat something! If the Hellbeast doesn’t pass judgment on a piece of cheese, neither should you. (She also eats anything small enough to fit in her mouth, so be judicious in that respect. Food is good. Lint is not.)

2. Mammals need hydration. Drink something! It doesn’t have to be water. It could be delicious tuna juice. You’re a discerning creature. I trust you. 

3. Mammals need sleep. Make a soft nest and let yourself enjoy it. Knead it until it’s comfortable. Let yourself rest as long as you need. Just existing is hard. You’ve earned a break. 

4. Mammals need movement. Take your precious body and do something. Don’t hurt yourself. Be kind.

5. Mammals need stimulation. Treat yourself to a new jingle ball or mousie toy. Get a bird feeder and stare at it. Let yourself really enjoy it. Play is in your nature.

6. Mammals need socialization. I know this one is particularly difficult these days, but if you don’t keep reaching out, you’re going to forget yourself and start biting people. 

7. Mammals need cleanliness. Nobody likes scooping the litterbox, but it has to be done. Don’t forget your own body. Make your fur shine. Treat yourself as the luminous creature you are. 

And most important of all: don’t feel guilty. This isn’t about deserving (although you do deserve it). You’re an animal and you need these things to survive, and I very much want you to survive. 

[thespacestationsys]

Tried being a normal person the last few days. It's fuckin stupid.

Adjusting to life as a human, no mutations at all in this world that I can tell, is weird.

But at least most people in here (this body) are masculine. So I don't have to worry about wanting something no one else wants. Maybe I'll get to have top surgery, and have it stick. That'd be nice.

[thespacestationsys]

[thespacestationsys]

It would fuckin figure that our sleeping meds don't work as well on me as they do on everyone else in here.

Fuck.

[thespacestationsys]

dramatically and violently turns into a werewolf and then continues doing the same thing I was doing before

[thespacestationsys]

Going to add to this as we learn more, bc it's interesting. The 'lore'/exomemories that Wolverine and Logan have.

I should specify that we as a collective have very little knowledge of the X-Men franchise. Like, we have just watched the first movie for the first time. This isn't unheard-of for us, Eddie was introjected after knowing nothing about him except that tumblr said he was pretty awesome.

Not going to put under a cut until it gets, like, needed (triggering content).

So, the two alters called Wolverine and Logan are the same person, just different ages. Logan said he was an older teen, and Wolverine told me to mind my own business, which I assume means pretty old. Not us having like 3 alters from the MCU now who want people to not look at their ages too closely.

Both consider themselves to be essentially some kind of trans guy, whatever the language. I'm using he/him pronouns for both of them until I am told otherwise. It's also not unheard of for us to introject a cis character as some flavor of trans.

I don't know what year Logan is in, in his exomemories, but it's not this one, that's for sure. He didn't understand really what videogames or Dollar General were. I think his memories are from right after getting his mutant powers unleashed but before any of The Shit with adamantium happened. I think that's mostly because we know very little about the universe, and subconscious says to make do with what we do know.

(Later)

I watched X2 today, and got more exomemories from them. In these exomemories (I'm guessing it's canon divergent) Hydra was involved in how Logan got the adamantium and turned into Wolverine. The only reason he didn't turn out like The Winter Soldier/Barnes was that they used a less effective memory wipe/brainwashing technique on him.

In their canon, young-ish Logan was blackmailed into agreeing to be basically experimented on by Hydra. Logan was actually born in the mid-1800s, but because of our mutation (pronoun switch because now Logan and I (Wolverine) are telling the story) we stayed pretty young for a long time. I don't remember the exact situation that led to me being blackmailed, but I think I accidentally (?) murdered someone and, by being a mutant, it was automatically something that could be more dangerous if people found out. I think they also found out that I lied on my enlistment for WW1, about where I lived and my sex. I said I was born male when I wasn't. I still don't know what the fuck I am.

So, they made me 'volunteer' for their program. All it was, was a bunch of people in medical gowns trying to see how much I could take before the healing didn't work as well. So you can imagine--I can't remember it clearly, thank fuck, but I don't want to imagine.

Finally, they stopped thinking about how they would make me die and started trying to make me a 'super soldier.' Which it kind of did. It wasn't as good as the one given to others, and I didn't quite stand up to them with how I was back then.

And then, the adamantium.

I regretted every step that I took to alienate myself. I couldn't control the mutation happening at 12. But I could have stopped it there, and then I wouldn't be so different. I wouldn't be so averse to people, and especially doctors, and not be able to be in a relationship ever.

But I have a chance now. To be an actual person. Yes, a person in a body that holds 40+ other people, but it'll be fine, right?

[thespacestationsys]

The cool thing about having fictives is that you don't have to guess and write fanfiction about your fave fictional characters trying peep marshmallows, or watching vines/funny cats, or helping make dinner (or trying airheads candy). They can just do that. And you can know what their reactions to that stuff are.

I can't wait until Logan tries a peep marshmallow.

[thespacestationsys]

unfair

i just want my damn coffee

someone remind me that I can't have coffee on an empty stomach in this body again

fuckin ow

[thespacestationsys]

I think it might just be you. I've been able to drink coffee in the morning with little issue. But 'A' can't drink energy drinks without bouncing off the walls. So it might just vary between us.

--Saturn

someone remind me that I can't have coffee on an empty stomach in this body again

fuckin ow

[thespacestationsys]

someone remind me that I can't have coffee on an empty stomach in this body again

fuckin ow

[thespacestationsys]

Car accents 🐈😺

[thespacestationsys]

i think this thing (a 'picrew') was pretty fun. i want to learn to draw now so I can do what I actually look like--this is close, but not exact.

https://picrew.me/share?cd=OLTnjU75ox

[thespacestationsys]

my autopsy results came back inconclusive