Personal vent/coping blog | my pronouns are he/hymm/they/bows/aer | banner/icon credits hyphrus
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I feel so empty.
#馃挮 饟們 text#vent#there is nothing I can do#I could scream again#I could cry again#hope for someone to be compassionate enough to hold me but#I am tired#too tired#I am sick of it#I am sick of me#I just want to disappear#maybe be erased of everyone's mind just so they can't feel the pain that is losing me#heh#if they even do at all.#ahhhhhh....#just how much longer
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I really have never in my life been so messed up over anyone I need to be put down.
#馃挮 饟們 text#vent#I have been poisoned and I cannot do anything about it and it hurts#it hurts so much#because I am ready to believe that everything they told me was a lie#that all of it was a lie#that I don't mean anything compared to other people#and even though its not their fault it doesn't make it all less painful#please look at me I would scream but#is it worth it anymore?#I know how this will end- I will be abandoned left behind and forgotten#and she'll fade into the background just like everyone else#and I can't stop it#I am fated to watch as it happens and god it hurts.#it hurts.#it all hurts.
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Why is life so determined to remind me every corner I look at I am not loved nor worth a thing.
#馃挮 饟們 text#vent#everyday I wake up#and I am just reminded of my little worth#I can't look at her profile anymore#I can't do anything it just feels like a hell I am bound to#I want to escape so bad but where am I meant to escape?#does anything matter?#no.#No#of course not.
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I don't truly know much about you. But you know so much about me.
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I can't escape my fate no matter how much I struggle. I know I'll be abandoned, and I know nobody cares, and I know all those sweet words and gentle touches were nothing but a vile lie I foolishly fell into. But what am I meant to do?
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what did I do to deserve something so cruel.
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and then you leave.
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my trust and faith in people has been unknowinglly made pulp and now I don't know how to trust anyone.
#馃挮 饟們 text#vent#now I can't truly trust them with my heart anymore#I can't trust letting out my heart#if I know it will be accidentally stomped over in the most gut wrenching way possible for something so small.
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I am just someone else, someone else, and you say you care, and you say you love me but- I am not a good person. And so, I don't know how to believe you.
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you can't just. Leave. Like that can't you?
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I am just. Meant to be used right? I don't truly matter to anyone.
#馃挮 饟們 text#vent#I'll just fade into obscurity and nobody will truly care#they will just pretend#but they will let me#because they don't care#they don't care.
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I'm ready to just be told that all of it was a lie.
#馃挮 饟們 text#vent#The kisses. The cuddles. The affection. The sweetness- The love.#I am ready to be told that I am nothing but someone that you seeked out to be loved#and then#just allowed me to fade into the background and never bothered#cruel#its all too cruel.
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路
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I wish I could just go back to wear my mask again, yet now its thrown away on the floor and broken. And I can't find it in myself to fix it.
#I wish I had stayed hidden#but I now I can't#I know there will be always a sign that I will drop#and hope for someone to hold me
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路
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