thesaviourofwriting

[thesaviourofwriting]

“Mine too, since the very last day I touched you.”

To be completely honest, his heart had been aching longer than that, but it didn’t feel important right now. Not when he remembered the way he felt when he was his most in love with Cathy. The way her touch ignited a spark inside him, and her eyes looked like they held the secrets of the universe. Right now, standing at their old apartment he began to feel the vibration of inspiration through his body. Cathy had always been his muse and as a writer he was nothing without her. None of his writing in the past two years had been what it once was. Sure, the publishers still ran with it, and the public still bought it; he was Jamie Wellerstein and he was still riding the success of his first book. But eventually people would begin to realise how far he’d slipped, and start to doubt whether Light Out of Darkness was actual talent at all or just a fluke. Nobody would know what the change was, the exact moment he went from award winning author back to the awkward teenage fiction writer just trying to break into the business. But Jamie would know. He’d always be reminded of what he’d lost when he left Cathy. That hole could not be filled. She had been more than just the love of his life; she was his life. And he didn’t know how to live without her. The problem was, he didn’t know how to live with her either.

This was a mistake. He knew that. He’d known the moment he’d gotten into the taxi with Cathy what would happen. He’d told himself he wouldn’t, that he’d leave with the taxi, and he’d really tried. But somehow he wasn’t surprised about where he was standing right now. He slipped an arm around Cathy’s waist and pulled her close. Their foreheads rested against each other as their bodies breathed in time. The only space was between their lips. The rest of them had fit together perfectly, like they remembered every curve of each other easily. Jamie could feel his own heart beating against Cathy’s, beating as loud as a drum. Each second passed as if it was an hour before he finally met her lips with a gentle kiss. Her lipstick tasted bittersweet – a mix of strawberries and red wine. Jamie couldn’t help but think what a beautiful metaphor that was.

Cathy felt her heart jump into her throat as she walked towards the building, hearing the car pulling away. She told herself that she should have known that this wouldn’t end well, that she should have known that nothing would come of this. He didn’t miss her enough, or maybe not at all. Perhaps the drunken phone calls he had received was really the guilt of cheating on her coming forth and manifesting itself in the only way that Jamie knew how; by making him think he missed her — He didn’t actually miss her. He didn’t love her anymore. He didn’t want her in his life, and that was something she had to finally accept.

What happened next, however, was quite literally as if it was out of a movie. As she turned to get one last glimpse of the cab as it pulled away, she noticed that it had stopped — not only had it stopped, but Jamie Wellerstein was getting out and running towards her. The blonde had to actually ask herself if she was dreaming before she turned around and waited for him to come closer, sure as ever of the confused look on her face as he caught his breath and spit out the words.

"We’re a wreck either way, Jamie." Cathy mused in response, lifting her shoulders into a shrug. Her heart, which had been practically lodged into her throat, had made its way back into its proper chest cavity; however now it was beating uncontrollably at the fact that he came back. “We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t.”

And she didn’t know about him, but she would much rather do, because not doing had only been hell without him. Still, she knew that things hadn’t been good for him — they hadn’t been perfect or either of them, but she could change. She had changed.

"My heart’s already aching."

[thesaviourofwriting]

HOW HAS IT BEEN 5 DAYS SINCE I WAS LAST ON I SWEAR IT WAS LIKE 2 DAYS AGO. SHIT.

ANYWAY Molly I promise to be better. And in other news I'm writing a reply now. And you actually owe me one here :)

[thesaviourofwriting]

i had to reset my hotmail and tumblr password just to get back on here. that's how committed i am.

[thesaviourofwriting]

(hi i'm a terrible person and haven't been on in forever but life got unreasonably hectic and awful but i think things are more under control now)

[thesaviourofwriting]

“Look, it’s not a big deal," he said, his usually calm composure returning slowly. "Honest. It’s just I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

Jamie avoided looking at Cathy’s face for fear he’d see in her expression exactly how hurt she was, then he’d lose his nerve. He hadn’t meant for things to get so far. He hadn’t even lied, not exactly. He’d just let her assume, instead of setting the record straight. And then he’d waited so long that correcting her would make it look like he was lying. Which, well, he guessed he was now. Technically. But he knew the truth would come out that night without fail. Cathy would want to know who the boy in all the photos was with Jamie, and who this precious Charlie his parents wouldn’t shut up about was.

“You’ve always thought that I was an only child, and I let you think that. But it isn’t strictly true. I had a brother. Well, have a brother, but I’d rather I didn’t.”

He felt the familiar swell of anger and betrayal that formed in his stomach whenever he thought about Charlie. His brother and best friend, who’d singlehandedly ruined his life. Jamie had been madly in love with Alyssa, who he’d thought was madly in love with him too, until he’d come early from work to find her and Charlie in bed together. It had been that point at just barely twenty three years old that he’d sworn off love and adopted the jaded persona of a cynic. He had his career and good friends, what else did he need? But then he met Cathy, and bit by bit he’d learned that he needed her. Her naïve yet optimistic outlook on love was a complete contrast. They completed each other, like light and shade. And here he stood, at almost 24, letting what happened between him and Charlie continue to ruin his life. He’d promised Cathy he’d always be honest with her, and he had been, apart from this one little exception. But what if Cathy didn’t believe him? What if she lost trust in everything he’d ever told her? He wasn’t exactly known for his integrity. He valued honestly, and was brutally honest most of the time. But he also knew how to manipulate the truth for his own advantage. His talent for storytelling was not confined to the pages of his books. But Cathy was different. He didn’t quite understand why but somehow telling her the truth had always seemed so much more important than impressing her with tall tales.

“It’s a long story and I promise I’ll tell you everything. Just please don’t be angry.”

She appreciated, for the most part, the analogy he had made in comparing them to Romeo & Juliet; however she was incredibly pleased to hear his slightly revised ending — otherwise he would have sparked a confused look from her, followed by her asking him if he remembered how the play actually ended and telling him that it was called a tragedy for a reason. Star-crossed lovers, now that was something.

"Yeah, I would much rather not die. I would much rather neither of us died, at that….doesn’t exactly make for the happy ending that everyone dreams of." Then again, she didn’t want a happy ending — simply because it meant the end of all things, regardless of the fact that it would be happy. She wanted this to go on, and on, and on.

Hearing his words, she furrowed her eyebrows together and looked over at him. Concerned, her expression stayed fixed and she could see the nervousness wash over him. “What’s wrong?”

"Jamie, what is it?" She asked another second later, deciding that there was too long of a hesitation between her words and what she had expected to be his own. She couldn’t stop the fact that she was scared of what he would say — was it bad? Was it that bad?

[thesaviourofwriting]

you ever just want to hold a character

cradle their head in your hands

speak in a soothingly quiet sort of voice

"you deserve so much more”

[thesaviourofwriting]

A bunch of stuff happened and now I'm moving back home which is both good and bad. But I move back just before my old theatre company auditions for their production of Spring Awakening. Which is definitely part of the good.

[thesaviourofwriting]

I've really gotta go catch the bus considering it takes about an hour and a half to get home and I have to leave for bonding time with my extended family in under 2 hours. But leaving uni means leaving wifi and I'm struggling with separation anxiety help.

[thesaviourofwriting]

hidesinhiswork replied to your post:I need a faceclaim for my Dorothy Gale-inspired...

[[Depends on the age range]]

Oh yeah, age range about 21 - 25, I think.

[thesaviourofwriting]

Some nights I feel as infinite as the stars, And for one suspended moment in time I almost believe I could live forever. Though I’m only a single drop in the ocean, One tiny grain of sand; I feel like I stretch across the entire universe. Those nights are when I feel closest to you Like I could reach out and brush your fingertips. And if I listen closely I hear your heartbeat Echoing in the darkness.

[thesaviourofwriting]

I need a faceclaim for my Dorothy Gale-inspired character. What's your gut instinct on Anna Kendrick, Lea Michele or Alison Brie? Or somebody else?

[thesaviourofwriting]

He remembered the car ride to Cathy's parents almost word for word. She'd grown up in a small town, far from inner city New York where Jamie had spent all of his life. It had taken upwards of three hours to get there but the time had passed in an instant. Being alone with Cathy always made time fly. They'd spoken about so many things, things they'd never told each other before. Jamie wasn't sure whether it was because he felt the need to 'prove' himself' before meeting her parents or because he felt comfortable enough to tell her anything. Well almost anything. Either way, about 50 miles out from Cathy's hometown they'd made each other a promise that no matter what their parents thought, they'd never let that change the way they felt about each other. They were like two teenagers, taking on the world and too in love to see anything but each other.

"I promise." Jamie said without hesitation, extending his hand to take Cathy's. "My mother could hate you more than the Montague's must have hated Juliet, and it won't change a thing. Romeo didn't let it stop him, and neither will I, even if I have to sneak away to meet you on a balcony.And then a bunch of people get killed and you have to fake your death so we can be together but it goes sour and we both end up dead. Well maybe we don't have to follow the script exactly."

He was stalling. Rambling to keep himself from having to admit the other thing on his mind. A secret he'd been keeping their entire relationship that would no doubt come out sometime that night. He bit his lip and drew a breath.

"Cathy, I have to tell you something."

"She doesn’t hate you, she just hates the fact that you’re not Jewish. You’ll win her over."

Jamie wasn’t so sure. His mother had always been adamant that he would marry a Jewish girl and they’d go on to raise the next generation of Jewish Wellersteins. He liked his Jewish heritage, and was proud to call himself a Jew, but he wasn’t prepared to let it dictate his life. Him being Jewish and Cathy being raised Catholic seemed like the most minuscule detail, one barely worth noting. They’d just celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah. Jamie failed to see why it mattered so dearly to his parents.

"Let’s just show up, stay for an hour and then get the hell out of there?"

That should be long enough to appease his mother, but not give her time to scare Cathy away. Any longer and she may run a mile. Martha Wellerstein tended to have that effect on people.

"You’re right, she doesn’t hate me. Yet. Just he idea of me. Tonight, she will."

Cathy only imagined the look she would get from his mother and she felt as though it would be such a cold stare that her heart would literally hurt — that she would have to stop breathing in order to force back the hurt. It made her sick just to think about. Frowning, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him as she paced back over to where he was sitting and looked down at him.

“I’m scared.” It hadn’t exactly been a secret that she was more than just a little terrified at this plan, considering the times they had talked about it before it hadn’t exactly ended with her being thrilled to meet his parents. “Promise me again? Promise me what you promised me on the way to meet my parents.”

[thesaviourofwriting]

Jamie had thought he knew what he was doing, had thought he could handle it. He had known it would be hard to pull away, but deep down inside he knew it was for the best. And he'd thought it was what Cathy wanted. But then Cathy had uttered a game-changing statement. I'd rather be unhappy with you than be happy with someone else. His knee-jerk response had been to nod, and reiterate that he'd await her call in the morning. What did you say to something like that?

Jamie had never been very good at stopping himself from making stupid decisions. The only thing keeping him in that cab was the fact that he couldn't hurt Cathy, not again. He was almost relieved when Cathy shut the door and the car began to pull away down the street. He could hear the blood pumping in his ears, and feel his heart beating against the wall of his chest. His palms were sweaty, no matter how many times he wiped them against his pants. He'd only been this nervous twice before in his life: the day he'd married Cathy, and the day he'd left her.

"Stop the car!"

He thrust a handful of bills into the driver's hand without bothering to count them. Adrenaline carried him back towards their apartment, well Cathy's apartment, as quickly as his polished dress shoes would allow. He reached the door and doubled over, out of breath. At almost 30 he wasn't quite as fit as he'd once been.

"We're a wreck. And this can only end in heartache. But maybe that's just the way our story goes."

Despite of all of the things she had wanted to say to him, her mouth refused to open. She had him here, he couldn’t move and would be forced to listen to her, yet she was too afraid to speak. She was too afraid to lose him again, despite the fact that she didn’t have him anymore at all. Cathy felt as though she was screaming on the inside, her heart crumbling the longer she waited to say something or the longer the silence loomed between them. It was torture.

She wanted badly to turn to him, to tell him that she had changed and that she wanted a second chance; but she didn’t…even when she felt the cab slowing to a stop. It was brutal, forcing herself to look over at him once the cabbie had turned to wait for her to pay him. Leaning forward, she pulled her eyes away from him and dug through her purse to find the correct fare…though taking longer on purpose because she couldn’t be away from him yet. Eventually, she had allowed herself to find the correct amount of money and handed it tot he driver before turning once more to Jamie.

"I-I’ll uh, call you. In the morning." She murmured, meeting his eyes before she forced herself to tear away. Heart sinking, she stole another glance and knew that she would regret it the second she went back into the apartment they had once shared, the moment that she went to lay in the bed that they had once slept beside each other in. As she vacated the vehicle, she stuck her head back inside.

“—For the record, i’d rather be unhappy with you than be happy with someone else.”

Then again, being unhappy with Jamie was nothing compared to living the life she had lived without him. Perhaps she hadn’t been uphappy after all, perhaps she had just never allowed herself to adjust to married life, she had never given herself the chance to settle. Cathy had never given it a chance.

[thesaviourofwriting]

[[ Sorry Molly I had to go to the bank and then the post office, and send an important email. And then my laptop refused to connect to the wifi for like 3 hours. But I'm back and still have an hour of uni left so I'll try and get a reply written ]]

[thesaviourofwriting]

"Is it a crime for me to want the world to know how hot my girlfriend is? And uh, if so, how quickly do you think you can find a naughty policewoman outfit?"

"…I’m actually not sure how i’m supposed to feel about you being so, uh, accepting of it?”

[thesaviourofwriting]

"As long as I'm getting 100% of the benefits and paying 0% of the costs then I don't care who you take your clothes off for. You get out there and shake that booty"

"Really? You are aware that I didn’t mean your own personal stripper, right? It would require me stripping for other men. And women, but I feel like that might just encourage you more…”

[thesaviourofwriting]

"Well you won't get any arguments from me"

"Maybe I should just quit and be a stripper."