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[thequirkychameleon]

Really Putting Yourself First

I’m the type of person to always consider other’s emotional state before my own to a point that I don’t want to inconvenience anyone even if I need to get something done from them. For example, when I’m on placement as a medical student I need to get certain tasks signed off in my portfolio by doctors which requires them to only give me 5 mins worth of time at a time. I’ve recently come to the realisation that sometimes you just need to dissociate yourself from the feelings of those around you to get things done like that. It’s a bit like tunnel vision to reach that goal.

Sometimes I find myself thinking, ‘why am I willing to bend my back so far for others, yet hesitate when it comes to my own needs?’ I understand we are living in an age where individualism can be a problem and the increasing selfish ‘me culture’, but this isn’t what I’m talking about. It’s annoying that the phrase ‘putting yourself first’ has become so commonly used that people fail to understand that it’s referring to those who are really struggling with putting themselves first to the point that they are deprived of self care. This phrase has lost its true meaning and I feel as if people are only putting themselves first at all. If you get what I mean.

I realise that the reason I get so tired after being around people as an introvert is because I have to constantly adapt myself to suit others which is a natural response but can be exhausting. If you are on the same boat and it has gotten to a point where you have realised it’s problematic, then it’s ok to put your own needs ahead of others ❤️

[thequirkychameleon]

I had been feeling pretty lonely and have been alone this past week during placement or studying in the library. Last Friday we had a formative exam and then we planned to get bubble tea in the evening. However, after the exam there were several hours till the meet up so I went and studied by myself and then this huge cloud of loneliness overshadowed me all at once and I just wanted to dwell in my emotions and considered not going in the evening for a moment. Luckily, I did go and enjoyed myself a lot as the conversation was the type that I was craving and although I felt a little bad for the sensors within the group who could not really participate in the depth of the conversation (which was mostly led by another INFJ), I somehow didn’t really care for the first time because it was one of the rare times where the conversation wasn’t tailored to sensors and they could be on the other side of it where I usually am in group conversations, since I’m an intuitive.

But anyway I’m so glad I decided to go as my social battery had charged so much that it was about to explode from being by myself and even when I left I felt that I had more energy than before and I realised that it was because the conversations were more meaningful and intellectually stimulating.

Yesterday my flatmate (an INFJ) and I had the most thought provoking and intellectually stimulating conversation while we were working in the kitchen, which lasted around 4 hours! I guess we were both craving that emotional connection and I love how her questions are so thought provoking. It was honestly so refreshing and I loved it so much and I love her so much. As an INFJ it feels so good to be understood and related to by at least one person. I’m so grateful to have you in my life and I care about you a lot! 💜

[thequirkychameleon]

“You cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. This is your tragedy … because you understand them, and they do not understand you.”

— Daniel Saint

[thequirkychameleon]

Rant of the day:

When you’re meeting people for the first time, why do you always have to be the one to only ask questions?? Why can’t people reciprocate and balance the conversation? This isn’t a freaking interview or monologue!!! 😑😬

[thequirkychameleon]

“No one will understand you. It is not, ultimately, that important. What is important is that you understand you.”

— Matt Haig, The Humans

[thequirkychameleon]

“The worst mistake that you can make, is to walk away from the person who actually stood there and waited for you.”

— Unknown

[thequirkychameleon]

“Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it, accept and learn from it.”

— Unknown

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“Solitude is dangerous. It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”

— Jim Carrey

[thequirkychameleon]

Art - Kawai Gyokudo (1873-1957)

[thequirkychameleon]

Anyone got any tips on how to make friends at uni or locally on a deeper level?

It seems that most people are interested in superficial things or wanting to be friends with you just for a good time but it’s not meaningful. Any advice appreciated or comment if you can relate!

[thequirkychameleon]

In my 21 years of life I have only heard people talk negatively about the Queen (I live in the UK). Since her death I’ve only heard of positive comments and it makes me wonder - isn’t it sad that people only bring up the good in others once they’re no longer alive rather than during their life?

[thequirkychameleon]

INFJ Sensory Overload

Since INFJs have Se as their 4th function, it is not as well developed as their other functions. Therefore sensory overload is common among INFJs. These are some of my experiences of sensory overload:

Feeling overwhelmed from the amount of messages and emails needing to be checked/replied to - ending up with a pile to check every couple of days or muting group chats

Going shopping whether for groceries or food - too many options and being indecisive over trivial things

Being in a crowded and loud room with people and keeping up with conversations

Multitasking

Being rushed to do things straight away when you need time to think and use your Ni to make well thought out decisions that you won’t regret

Let me know if you guys relate and other things that cause you sensory overload!

[thequirkychameleon]

Serene Sensations

As an INFJ, I’ve gotten to a point where I appreciate my fourth cognitive function which is extroverted sensing (Se). It doesn’t happen very often as I am an Ni dom, but I sometimes really crave going out into the world alone (by world I mean leaving my flat lol) and just taking in all the sensory information around me and not feel overwhelmed by it. This is literally simple things such as grocery shopping, going for a walk while listening to a podcast or sitting in a park and watching passerbys and dogs. I think we live in such a busy world and can be so focused on work and studies that making time for things is so difficult but so worth it at the end of the day.

I don’t use Se as much but when I do it fills me with endorphins and boosts my mental health. It also feels nice to feel like how the majority of the population feels since the majority are Sensors rather than Intuitives.

What do you guys think about Se?

[thequirkychameleon]

Feeling too much?

As an INFJ, I first noticed that I started developing my auxiliary or secondary function, extroverted feeling (Fe) a couple of years ago when I started university, especially during fresher’s week. There was a period when I thought I had converted to an extrovert as I had never seeked out friends prior to this, nor did I care about doing so. My friends from school were made by ‘accident’ as I like to call it or ‘destiny’ or whatever but the point is, I was never the one to first initiate friendship and I was alright with this.

Anyway, I really enjoyed my ability to connect with others and show empathy through Fe and feel less robotic and more like a people person, which I do consider myself as. However it has recently come to my attention while studying the cognitive functions that this Fe might actually be more harmful to my identity and has pushed me into this people pleasing mode and I realise that I hardly state my opinions due to fear of conflict with others. Also through socialising with Fi doms I have come to the realisation that I am not actually in tune with my feelings at all while completely being in tune with the feelings of others and prioritising this over my own. This makes decision making for even trivial things so difficult e.g. deciding where to eat with friends, hence why I also really enjoy my alone time as I am free from this people pleasing nature and feel less exhausted. Decision making even on my own decisions takes time and can be difficult as I always need validation even though i realise that I always stick to the one decision I made before validation.

I have also recently asked myself the question, what are my hobbies? What are my interests? What do I like? What am I passionate about? This leaves me in an identity crisis whenever I have time and space alone, hence why I subconsciously always try to be productive with my time so I don’t end up in this sad rabbit hole. If I don’t think about it, I think I am happy at least. This is why I also hate icebreakers when you do group activities at uni or interviews or when you first meet someone and tell them about yourself and you don’t actually know who you really are but can go on for hours about everyone else. Also, I call myself a chameleon for this reason, as I can blend in with others and change myself subconsciously to fit others and this even happens with my accent depending on who I’m talking to. I’m aware this can come across as fake but I do it subconsciously and I guess a positive is that as a medical student, it makes me relatable when I’m with patients in the hospital as I can communicate in their manner and fit their needs which helps build rapport.

What do my fellow INFJs think of this? Is this relatable?

[thequirkychameleon]

How does that make sense?

Infjs:

The most social introverts

Detail oriented intuitive

Objective feelers

Flexible judgers

[thequirkychameleon]

Attractive Traits

(In any human being)

Intelligence

Good sense of humour

Consideration/empathy

Kindness/gentleness

Taking initiative

[thequirkychameleon]

Supermarkets

When you’re shopping for groceries and want to take your time making decisions instead of buying impulsively and sensory overload and then billions of people start appearing out of nowhere wanting to check out the same items as you and you start feeling rushed so end up picking items you realise later you don’t want and then you gradually detoxify your trolley before going to the till.