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if I had a wrestling persona they would be part demon part pharmacist and their name would be DVS (like CVS but pronounced Devious) and their catchphrase would be Welcome To The Harmacy

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LAE'ZEL 😍😍😍😍

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Just ripped the underwear (paper bag) off my whimpering twink (raspberry danish)

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do yall think this 14$ can last me the rest of my life

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nobody’s ever really happy to find out they’ve stayed up too late.

it used to be a cool achievement but now it’s like

“fuck. god damn it. not again. shit.”

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Your wife has entered orange juice delirium.

Your stock of orange juice has been diminished!

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grimes is on my shit list forever because she could have easily killed that guy but she didn't. i don't care

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why did that guy from the backstreet boys ask "am i sexual?" and why did his friends say yes

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"my son turned out fine" maam your son was killed by one of my strong as fuck skeleton warriors

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I know I’ve spoken about it before but I think I have a form of face blindness that makes it impossible to tell apart conventionally “attractive” white men beyween the ages of 25 and 45 and it makes it really difficult to watch movies sometimes.

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I love Wikipedia subsections that are just absolutely unhinged out of context

Peak comedy right here

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can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"