thepastcr

[thepastcr]

am i dead. am i alive.  heatwave says the former hhhh

[thepastcr]

sup !  i’m ninja, i’m twenty and i’m starting up commissions !  long story short, i’m unable to get a job / earn a living until i’m able to drive.  unfortunately, due to my mental health, i’m unable to work near home due to my ptsd and therefore need to be able to transport myself to somewhere out of the area which i’m in the process of being able to achieve  -  however  -  in the mean time i thought i’d put my photoshop abilities to use and earn some cash so i have some money to support myself until i’m able to drive / maintain a full time job !  obviously there’s a lot more to it than that, but i’d rather get to the point which is that i’d massively appreciate any type of support  -  whether that be commissioning something from me, buying something premade or by buying me a coffee .  even reblogging this post is a big help !   HERE is my about / commissions page which features pricing and guidelines and here is my faq page which should hopefully answer any questions you might have.  and if not ? please do not be afraid to come and ask !  my paypal is available upon request, as is my discord.   examples will be displayed on this blog so keep an eye out !   i.m me for a commission and have a wonderful day !!

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[thepastcr]

I highly recommend you follow the person I reblogged this from.

[thepastcr]

peacefulapostle‌:

of course, the pastor wishes things could have been differently. jerome has lived here longer, but this is the apostle’s family and part of him feels responsible for all the chaos. though he knows none of this was his fault, the apostle feels as if he should be able to put an end to it. he visits jerome time and again and he wonders if his brother knows. surely he does, but if so he’s not mentioned this to paul. 

all he hopes is that he’s not putting the good pastor in more danger.  “i don’t know what to do… tell me, if you loved him then surely he wasn’t always ….. like this was he?” there’s tears brimming at the edges because the apostle is MORE than lost. where does he go from here? 

and here is the confession he does not make:  despite everything,  despite the fact that joseph was the instigator,  the reason behind all this madness,  his own daughter’s death,  there is a part, deep down that misses him.  misses what was.  what could have been,  if they’d crossed paths earlier.   but to dwell on that only invites more anger,  more resentment,  more reasons for madness and thus he does not often. this,  he knows,  is something paul would understand as well.  yet this, he knows as well,  is a confession he will take with him to the grave.  a sin he only allows himself to carry.  what use would come from giving it voice, after all?  what’s done is done.  he can’t keep dwelling on the past indefinitely.  

“ i wish i could say, “ he answers with a heavy heart after a beat of consideration,  “ but it’s not something i know for certain,  looking back.  i do not know whether part of me simply hadn’t wanted to see.  cannot say what idea is worse:  the idea i might have been able to prevent it,  or the idea that it was my turning a blind eye that made it come to this,  “  it’s a daily struggle, he does not say.  he doesn’t want to give paul any false hope yet neither does he want to kill any hope the man might still have.  so he continues,  in a lower,  more reassuring tone,  “ i do believe he wasn’t always this . . . zealous,  however.  whatever his intentions were,  personally i do not believe they came from a bad place initially.  whether that means he can still be brought back from the path he’s set down on?  or whether it means he can be saved? “ jerome shrugs,  tearing his gaze away from paul towards the open, blue sky shining through the hole in the roof of his church.  he ought to fix it,  some day.  “ i don’t think i’m the right person to answer those questions anymore. “

[thepastcr]

“ another family went missing some days ago,  including their young daughter,  not too far from the sunrise farm,  “  a cult outpost.  “ i knew the father well,  he was an experienced shooter,  war veteran,  “ like him,  and though their respective functions had vastly differed,  it had still formed a bond,  a mutual respect that had only increased after everything had gone down.  “ expert in explosives.  if the cult has them ----, “ well, he needs to paint no pictures.   he does not believe they would harm them,  not beyond the harm the cultists would consider normal, but . . .  he does know the man they took. it is only a matter of time.  “ taking back the farm is an endeavor i would’ve liked to keep until our ranks held a little steadier,  but i fear we cannot wait.  can i count on your help? “ / @wrathincrrnate​ 

[thepastcr]

Only the savage regard the endurance of pain as the measure of worth.

Alice: Madness Returns (via onceuponamusing)

[thepastcr]

𝐻𝑜𝓁𝓁𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒱𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓎

[thepastcr]

to do list for tomorrow:  @wrathincrrnate, @riverdivined starters and then hopefully also a few replies.  obviously my activity here is still gonna be slightly sporadic but in case anyone wants to chat or hit me up for plots it’ll be way easier to find me over discord @ micolash cage#7731

[thepastcr]

B A S I C S

NAME: enya ALIAS(ES) / HANDLES: mutuals can ask for discord. i can also be found at @flamereign and occasionally @timmgutterson ARE YOU OVER 18? Yes / No IS YOUR MUSE? Yes / No WHEN WAS YOUR BLOG ESTABLISHED? i think sometimes last year?? 

  W R I T I N G

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone)  /  Semi (most people)  /  Yes (some people)  /  Highly (few people)  /  Private (mutuals only)

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW ON THIS BLOG? No (anyone)  /  Semi (most people)  /  Yes (some people) /  Highly (few people)  /  Private (mutuals only)

IF YOUR MUSE IS CANON, HOW MUCH DO YOU ADHERE TO CANON? Not at all  /  A little   /  Some ( Heavily hc based but take canon into consideration )  /  Mostly  /  Strictly ( a mix here since I don’t adhere to FC:ND, but i do all other canon, with inclusion of my own headcanons )  /  Not Applicable

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? One Liners  /  Single-Para  /  Multi-Para  /  Novella

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS? No  /  Gifs  /  Icons  /  Yes

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? No  /  Yes ( discord ) Unplotted  /  Open-Ended Plots /  Semi-Plotted (one or two steps ahead)  /  Fully Plotted Epics (plotted beginning, middle, and end)

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? Very Slow (more than a month)  / Slow (3-4 weeks)  /  Average (1-2 weeks)  /  Fast (less than one week)  /  Very Fast (less than three days)  /  It depends

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) Fluff  /  Angst  /  Smut  /  Violence  /  Tragedy /  Domestic  /  Family  /  Conversational

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (feel free to add!) High Fantasy  /  Supernatural  /  Science Fiction  /  Historical  /  Horror  /  Comedy  /  Romantic  /  Drama  /  Action  /  Adventure  /  Espionage

ARE THERE ANY THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING ON YOUR BLOG? (not triggers) No  /  Yes  /  Sometimes  ( I stay away from topics such as non-con  / forced anything romantic or sexually related)

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS?  HOW DO YOU REQUEST IT TAGGED? Wouldn’t call it a trigger, but broken bones squick me out big time esp in visual medium ( written is somewhat more tolerable ).  I don’t think I follow many people that post this regularly but if, then cw: bone related injury perhaps?? 

     S H I P P I N G

WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic  /  Platonic  /  Familial / Enemies

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic  /  Platonic  /  Familial  / Enemies

DO YOU HAVE OTPS? No  /  Chemistry Only ( though not likely to happen unless heavily discussed w/ other mun )  /  Yes

DO YOU HAVE NOTPS? No  /  Yes  ( can’t see jerome / any of the seed siblings except joseph perhaps platonically )

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Heterosexual  /  Heteroflexible  /  Bisexual  /  Pansexual  /  Homoflexible  /  Homosexual  /  Demisexual  /  Sapiosexual  /  Asexual

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION? Heteroromantic  /  Heteroflexible  /  Biromantic /  Homoflexible  /  Homoromantic  /  Panromantic  /  Demiromantic  /  Sapioromantic  /  Aromantic

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? No  /  Selectively  /  Yes ( i honestly love writing smut, but it’s tricky on this blog since jerome is still very much hung up his deceased wife and too deeply buried in his grief and anger and determination to save his county to think about anything related to romantic or sexual relationships. )

HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY? Autoship  /  During plotting  /  After a couple IC interactions /  Several IC interactions /   Slow burn  /  Never

ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS? No  /  Selectively  /  Yes  

ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? (incest, canon history, age difference, complicated, etc.) No  /  Selectively  /  Yes ( when it comes to complicated / canon history, but big no no on shipping w/ minor muns/muses or incest related things. )

ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? No  /  Selectively  /  Yes ( at least i can’t see it with jerome. )

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? Never  /  Sometimes  /  Yes 

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No  /  Yes ( though mostly other blogs sbhfbdh )

  tagged by: @kissafist  thanks <3   tagging:  anyone who wants to do this tbh! go nuts! 

[thepastcr]

     “ it is good to see you back in one piece, deputy, “ his words are genuine, warmth threaded through his deep voice, a smile playing at the corners of his lips as he watches her approach. there’s not really a day that goes by where he doesn’t worry:  a concern that’s grown beyond just wanting the hope of hope county safe, despite the tasks he and his people set before her.  it’s grown into a more personal concern,  one that’s come to know her for the person she is rather than the symbol she personifies. it’s for that reason that his follow up words to her aren’t yet another mission ( though he can think of a few ). “ i was just about to head to the spread-eagle bar to confer with mary may.  would you like to join? “  / @handsigned

[thepastcr]

    “ i, too, wish it could’ve gone differently sometimes, “ he confesses to paul as they sat side by side on the steps leading to his church, his hands clasped together on his knees.  “ much as it pains me to say,  but i did love your brother as my own back then. “  he doesn’t need to specify which brother, he doesn’t think;  and it’s a confession he wouldn’t dare make to anyone else. but out of all of the people surrounding him, he thinks paul would understand best.  “ it’s okay to feel torn. “  / @peacefulapostle

[thepastcr]

the change in john seed’s demeanour was near instantaneous, that polite mask falling away to reveal the insanity roiling underneath as each of jerome’s words hit with the precision of a well aimed bullet.  that which john thought of as a godly,  righteous fire in those striking blue hues seemed only to underline his unhinged state to jerome,  much as the fake herald’s erratic movements and pacing did too.  and still that silver tongue never stopped wagging,  though the words it spilled now of lesser conviction,  vibrating with doubt.  his disciples shifted uneasy at the side of the church, some clutching their weapons a little more firmly ;  his own eyes never left john,  though:  darker hues flashing with their own sense of righteous vindication.  

if this fake herald was so truly certain of his path,  he would not have been so quick to falter from it.  

hypocrite,  his mind whispers, his determination to remain standing tall in the face of this man - child throwing naught but a tantrum growing ever stronger.  the fear that pushed his movements before has been replaced by a conviction of his own:  he,  pastor jerome jeffries,  might not have a place in heaven anymore for all that he’s done,  a fate he has long since accepted,  but one he has accepted as long as it means saving who he can save.  john seed may cast his judgment ( so when you, a mere human being,  pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape god’s judgment? )   ,  but jerome knows him now:  sees him for who he truly is ---- a damned man,  owning a heart filled with nothing but anger and greed.  that is no true righteousness.  that is not a man to be feared,  only one to be pitied.  and pity him jerome does.  

“ your parents were wrong and they too will be condemned by the lord for their crimes, “  when he finally speaks,  it is almost calm,  almost kind,  but that edge of hardness remains as does the cold fire burning in his own brown hues.  “ and even if joseph does love you, “ and jerome knows he does,  for that was a quality about joseph he’d always admired until he would come to regret it forever, “ he has always feared that not even his love would be able to save you from your own black soul.  i always told him if anyone could save you, it would be him, “ once john is struck down and he will be struck down,  jerome will not mourn him.  jerome will not miss him.  the valley would be free and john would pass into forgetting,  his fake edifices torn down, his bunker destroyed. 

and then,  he hopes down in the deepest vestiges of his heart where he stores his anger,  his pain,  his grief,  he finally hopes joseph will know what it feels like to lose. 

john seed’s hand stretches towards him like a mockery,  the smile on the other man’s face barely kept together.  save his soul, he says.  help him, like he’s undoubtedly helped all those poor fools strung up along the country side, all those poor souls drowned in the henbane river. still, he allows their hands to clasp, a disbelieving gasp heard from behind him before a tense silence stretches once second, two seconds ---- “ i see now that i was wrong.  no love will ever be able to save your blackened soul, “ and with a sharp pull on that arm,  he lets their foreheads collide together.  / @sanctemony

anger was palpable and hung heavy between them , it was the youngest seed sibling that fed off of such disdain , such disgust roiling through the false pastor , the liar , the manipulator !! head canted slightly to the side ,  ❛  i see it in you , jerome .  ❜  hand comes up , index finger airily pointing toward the other . a smile worn that spoke of a self righteous attitude , smug / cocky .   ❛  such anger .   ❜   words spoken directly to the other ,only the pastor himself could hear . a private conversation ,  ❛  though i suppose if i had lost everything , i would be angry too .   ❜   a hum as voice trailed off , only until the baptist spoke next , voice lifting to the rafters as does his arms .   ❛  and peter said unto them - repent !! and be baptized every one of you in the name of the father for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of holy atonement .   ❜   demented . there was nothing holy about this ritual . it was a cleansing yes !! oh yes but it was for john seed , to bleed out those that have hurt his family . his people . his valley . back to jerome at this point and more toward his flock his people his congregation !! ah the cast in his little play . the raised their arms in response  (  hallelujah !!  ) .

a chuckle as he turned back to the pastor , arms fallen to his side once more and together again at last . close as they spoke .  noticing knuckles tighten around the spine of the book . the smile he wore held firm , pleased with the minimal reaction oh they had only just begun !! blue eyes scan the other , watching for increased breathing sweat on the brow anything that spoke of fear !!  fear which equated to respect which equated to love god !! sent them all to be humbled before john seed the baptist and that was what the youngest intended to do . humble  (  death  )  atone  (  death  )  forgive  ( death !!  )  . 

and then everything came to a halt , movements , words . people stilled  (  his people  )  knowing full well what a touchy subject the father was out of any sort of project context .   breath stalled in his chest and that smile constantly worn ? fell away . intake of breath a hand lifted , index finger pointing as though he were about to speak and he changed his mind , brow furrowed . and then he listened to the pastor preach . face blooming a deep crimson as eyes closed . liar liar !! fucking liar .   ❛   monster !!   ❜  the youngest spat back , eyes now the color of blue hellfire righteous and fair and godly !!   ❛  you take your own people , those you deemed unfit , those that wish to follow the project and maim and murder !!  ❜   temper already loose and unfit soared / surged forward despite any better efforts to halt it . it was like a dam breaking it always was when the middle sibling was mentioned . 

it’s the truth  (  LIAR !!  )  mind roared warring with itself as the baptist stepped away , laughed a bit the sound was unhinged and he turned away , with the flick of his wrist one of the project members eased arm away and then thrust the butt of his rifle into the stomach of the pastor as john kept his back to the scene .    ❛  love is pain , jerome . my parents taught me that . love is conditional you see , you have to give before you get . you have to prove yourself worthy before anyone can offer you affection .  doubt is .. is to be expected in this case . he’s offered me this position  (  the herald of holland valley !!  )  so i may .. may prove myself worthy and i will , i am !! joseph loves me , the father loves me .   ❜  despite every effort the last few words came out almost with a questioning lilt .  (  doesn’t he ?  )    ❛  love is kneeling until you bleed , praying until you’re exhausted love is painful !! and that’s what i’m .. i’m trying to do here ..  ❜ breathless as he turned back to face the other , smiling now .  ❛   i’m trying to save your soul , to show you the love that you need to redeem yourself , pastor . i want to help you .  ❜  a hand reached out for the other to take .

[thepastcr]

shall be here tomorrow for sure. <33

alrighty, next week the temps will be better so then i’ll have more brain cells left to get back into this guy’s mindframe!! don’t think i have any threads beyond those i’ve already tagged so uh, if anyone wants a short thing pls hit the heart

[thepastcr]

alrighty, next week the temps will be better so then i’ll have more brain cells left to get back into this guy’s mindframe!! don’t think i have any threads beyond those i’ve already tagged so uh, if anyone wants a short thing pls hit the heart

[thepastcr]

fighters don’t quit; we stand until the world around us crumbles to dust, and we’ll rise. we’ll rise again.

[thepastcr]

anyway @serialculler,  @sanctemony and @mlotov i hope y’all don’t mind getting replies to threads that are literally like months old,  but that’s the only stuff i have left in drafts and i’m feeling it sbhgbdhg. 

[thepastcr]

🗡 jerome asking about one of his scars before everything went to shit, have them bond

— memes ;  send 🗡 to ask joseph about one of his scars, accepting.

          IT WOULD BE SO EASY TO CLAIM YEARS SINCE THE LAST time he felt so comfortable around another person, but in truth, it would also be a lie. not once in his life can he name a time where he could laugh in someone else’s company, be it genuine or forced. time became irrelevant hours ago, long before the sun set.  jerome’s is face of the first tangible hospitality joseph has ever known—the first true friend.

          ‘   it’s nothing to worry about,   ’     he starts, almost too tired to form an explanation. after all these years, the scar on the inside of his arm is far from gone. it seems to grow with time, either more noticeable or more personally important. that day still plays in perfect clarity night after night. perhaps it will forever. how else will he remember the sound of her voice? it is with this profound introspection, this deep appreciation for all which has gone wrong that he considers the mark.                                            ‘   i had a wife once. but an accident…   ’                             —but an accident stripped him of his humanity, didn’t it?          HE HASN’T SPOKEN OF HER IN AGES—not since john inked her permanently into his forearm. her name was not made for the tongue of man ;  her memory would burn mind of any layman which tried to comprehend her wholly immaculate being. today, it feels like blaspheme just to look upon her likeness. but who could ever be worthy of knowing of her, it not a man of god? holier names have graced his ears. he would understand.     ‘   god has a plan, they say. i didn’t believe that. all that i knew was that she’d been taken from me, and i got to walk away with this, a pair of beat up legs, and the promise that the  p h y s i c a l  pain would let up in two weeks’ time.   ’