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Can't believe it's the last day of the con already! Would love to meet more people, so come find me if you want someone to talk to! :)

[thenotsogreatescape-blog1]

To those who have shared or have wanted to share their personal stories with the SPN actors

I hope you do find someone to tell your story to. But I hope it’s someone who can come along aside you. I hope it’s someone who can offer more than a smile or forced platitudes, more than a mere acknowledgement of your existence for only a few brief moments of your life. I hope you find people who can share in your struggles; people who can actually reciprocate your very human and very real need to bond and form deep relationships with others. I hope that you find people who will still be there when you’re lost in the darkness—the kind that won’t just shine their lights from afar, offering limited comfort, but those who will meet you in your place of brokenness; those who can hold you up by the shoulders as you walk down that long and winding road towards something better.

I hope, as much as you may deem these guys to be a source of inspiration, that you come to the realization that you’re more than you give yourself credit for. I hope you realize that you’re the one who decides to keep fighting; that you’re the one who chooses to stay strong. I hope you get angry at what depression and anxiety have taken from you. I hope that anger fuels you to take those steps towards taking back your life. 

And because of this, I hope you realize that you can be an inspiration. I hope that when you share your story with others, it turns a story of defeat into a story of triumph. I hope that someday, your story will be a source of comfort for others, for as we share in each other’s pain, we can also share in each other’s comfort.

But even if you aren’t at that point yet, I hope that you know you’re enough just as you are. I hope that you know that the validity of your feelings, experiences, and/or identity aren’t contingent upon another person. I hope that you know, regardless of all the words that go unsaid when you meet your faves face-to-face, regardless of whether you ever get the chance to meet them, that you are still important.

And that you are still loved.

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@theoverlordmisha replied to your photo “Hey all, I’m sorry for the lack of content lately. I do have some...”

Oh hey, I thought I saw you briefly earlier!

Hey! I should have figured you’d be there. :) I’ll try to say hello if I see you!

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Off to the second day of Minncon! I met a lot of lovely people yesterday, and I’m so grateful to have had the opportunity to hear your stories. :) 

If you happen to run into me, please say hi! I’ll be there probably till about late afternoon today (returning tomorrow), but if you need someone to talk to about whatever you’re going through, I just wanted to put it out there that I’m available and very much willing to listen. 

Happy con-going!

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Hey all, I’m sorry for the lack of content lately. I do have some stuff in the works that I’ll be posting in the future and hope to truly get this blog up and active, but wanted to let you know that I’ll actually be at the Supernatural Minneapolis convention this weekend. Not for the convention and its activities, but just to chat with people and hopefully forge some new connections. 

After hearing so many heartbreaking stories of fans’ struggles with depression and suicide, it became all too clear to me that there’s a very real need for people to be able to share their stories and have someone come alongside them and support them. If you need someone to talk to this weekend, come seek me out (my shirt is brown if you can’t tell from the picture)! I’ve had my own share of struggles, too, and know how lonely it can feel when you’re in a place of darkness with little hope. My name’s Laura. :)

Have fun this weekend, but more importantly, be safe and take care of yourselves, physically and emotionally! 

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hey there op, i’m so sorry that you and your friend had to endure that. it’s stuff like this that makes it all the more difficult for people to open up about their struggles and how they’re coping with it because of the fear that others will judge and belittle them.

there’s a very real, very valid need behind the desire to escape, and that absolutely needs to be acknowledged in order to find true healing. i do hope that you find that healing someday; you’re always welcome to drop me a line if you ever want to talk. :)

The bullying of people with mental illness

What I really don’t understand is why the internet culture is so damn toxic to be around sometimes, especially for someone with mental disorders. But I am livid with anger, after my best friend showed me an old hate thread about her. So i want to rant a bit about that.

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, officially diagnosed. I ship myself with Mewtwo. I did so ever since I was 11 years old, because at that time I felt so unloved and constantly depressed, and my shipping with him was the one method of coping for me. And I kind of still need this method sometimes. Having a relationship, truly believing that one is worthy of being loved, is one of the hardest things to do when you have Avoidant Personality Disorder. And because being loved is elemental to every human, if you do not get this in real life, you at least should be able to have it in fantasy.

The real kicker comes though is what happens when you dare to show your coping mechanism out in the open online. I like to draw myself with Mewtwo. My best friend ships herself with Shadow the hedgehog and draws herself with him.

But then, hate blogs come and upload this art to their blogs to make fun of that (like here, showing an old artwork of my friend: http://fyeahbadsonicart.tumblr.com/post/25306005200/botox-scratched-face-boobs-half-the-size-of ), saying mean things, implying that this is sexual deviancy and a sick fetish. Said friend has gotten multiple Journals on Deviantart, calling her a bestiality fucker and other mean things. And it wasn’t a one-time thing either, there is a whole thread about my friend from 5 years ago, where people discuss that she is crazy, fucked in the head and probably fucks a life-sized plush of Shadow the hedgehog.

… why are these people bullying people with mental illness like that? I am so fucking angry. At least having a fantasy world was the one thing that holds us together inside; in the moments where I had no control over my circumstances, at least I had this. What was I supposed to do? Just give up on myself entirely, lie down and die? Just not post any art online? Why would I stop that when this is what has helped me finding like-minded people and valuable friends I have known for years?

These people, for whatever vain reason, take away the only coping mechanism from us and tear it to pieces. Just because every OC x Self-insert is mary-sueish or some bullshit like that. According to these fuckers, it would have been better for me and my friend to give up, and to stop “tarnishing” official characters with our self-inserts.

These people are bullies, plain and simple. Bullying people with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I wonder if they know this, but if they do, they are heartless a**holes with no empathy.

Now that I have been diagnosed, I finally have come to an understanding about my past, and why things have been as they’ve been.

I am grateful that tumblr has at least a welcoming self-insert community who understands the value of using self-inserts as a coping mechanism. What I would wish is that other people would not immediately jump to declaring self-inserts as a “fetish” when this is something entirely different and much more important.

I hope I can do something for my friend… it already weighs heavily on her, making her lose any trust in humanity. Imagine already having a low self-esteem and then going through this shit. What pains me the most is when she is convinced by now that she probably deserves this unfair treatment as she is worthless anyway.

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i know that feel all too well, yo. i know this is an older post but just wanted to drop a line that i’m sorry life is/was so crappy for you and that you can totally send me a message if you ever wanna chat about this stuff...or anything at all, really. :)

Tfw you notice yourself start to disconnect from everyone and everything, and engage in 10x more escapism behaviors than usual, and you’re just like I should probably do something about this because it leads to a bad place But also ¯\_(ツ)_/ ¯

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I absolutely agree that it’s much more prevalent than it’s ever been because of that level of accessibility; it’s incredibly easy to all but completely isolate oneself if a person truly desires to do so. A lot of people tend to fixate on whatever is capturing their interest at the moment, e.g., a particular fandom, so even if we’re not consuming every little bit that’s out there, indulging in the same fictional universe for several years is entirely plausible if the world and the characters captivate us that much. I’ve read so many different versions of the same love story about the same two characters—and it was all right there at the click of a button or swipe of a fingertip—but every time I finished something it’d only leave me wanting more.

While we have a plethora of resources and support groups for matters regarding mental health issues, drug addictions, disabilities, etc., there’s not much out there related to escapism, and that’s terribly unfortunate given that escapism is being utilized as a coping mechanism more than ever. I think it’s partially because we’re still in that stage where people are too ashamed to talk about it with anyone who doesn’t really “get it,” but I have a feeling that’s going to change in a big way over the next few years because, at least in my opinion, it’s getting harder and harder to ignore just how devastating the consequences of unhealthy types of escapism can be.

I wonder if the amount of people who use escapism as a method of coping in today’s society and the degree to which they do it is greater than it’s been before, seeing as there’s more media and it’s more immersive than it’s ever been. Then again we are now accustomed to the omnipresence of media so the amount of sources from which to get escapism may still be small, bc an individual can only take in so much

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As we follow a genuine path of practice, our sufferings may seem to increase because we no longer hide from them or from ourselves. When we do not follow the old habits of fantasy and escape, we are left facing the actual problems and contradictions of our life.

Jack Kornfield , A Path with Heart (via neo-somaliana)

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I can definitely relate to TV and its characters being a security blanket. Fictional worlds can help us see things from different perspectives and maybe even help us process through some of our own issues. But after all is said and done, is it ultimately really that fulfilling? Does it safely carry you to the end? Or do those moments of sadness and emptiness still creep in every so often, and TV is just a way of burying them so you don’t have to deal with it?

I don’t think people give tv and how powerful it and fictional characters can be like a few years ago I literally was only staying alive simply because I couldn’t watch more episodes of doctor who if I was dead like I genuinely felt safe and happy when watching tv, I felt genuine happiness in front of a tv, I felt like I had a family and friends who cared about me even if they were fictional and not real in the slightest I felt like they, fictional shows and tv were a reason to hold on, if the characters I saw went through way worse and survived I felt I could too, tv has way more power than people give it, the impact of characters and shows is huge and provides a sense of security and belonging and it’s so weird to hear people say it’s ‘just a tv who’s because for people in horrible and depressing situations, it is so much more, and for me it was a reason to live because tv is what made me happy and actually wanting to get up in the morning and I may not feel like I did years ago tv still is that, something that can change you and be a sense of security and a constant and I think that’s beautiful

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Take a moment, right now, and grab a pen and paper. Write down all of the good decisions that you’ve made, and think about how that has moulded you into who you are today. It’s amazing, and you’re amazing. Your hard work has paid off in ways you may be unable to notice, for there is not much to compare it to. You just have to have faith. Choose to see the good things in your life, for those too will not be here forever.

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Cracks do not mean you are broken. It means you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.

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Don’t wander away from yourself to get close to someone else.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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Reminder: I know people preach positive outlooks and happiness, but you don’t have to be positive about everything all the time. It’s important to express yourself, all your feelings and emotions. Don’t push things under the rug/hide things in favor of being “positive.”