themusicianintheambulance

[themusicianintheambulance]

I used to be the person that didn't want to take blame for my words and actions that happened during an episode.

Until I got sober I didn't realize how apologizing and being honest with yourself aka "cleaning your side of the street" is so much better for mental health. I didn't realize how much destruction I caused during my addiction... I didn't see others' pain until I dealt with my own.

The substances did not help me handle my bpd, rather my disorder had more control of me than I did.

It may not be you in your head, but it is still your body the other party is seeing... They are allowed to feel hurt, or however they feel, there is nothing you can do to change that. However apologizing and being empathetic to another's emotions goes such a long way. It shows you actually care about the other party, that you want a lasting relationship.

[themusicianintheambulance]

I guess I have to wait...

[themusicianintheambulance]

elsbangs the homophobe is now mocking noahs jewish features by comparing him to the 1937 snow white’s evil queen 🙄😬

Just saw this.

Posting for context for those who haven't seen, and so people can see the kind of traction it's getting, since I'm constantly told that the hate directed at him isn't antisemitic:

Absolutely rancid people.

Glad to see at least a few people calling it out in the comments; but the amount of people prefacing it with "I hate Noah Schnapp, but..." is just as revolting. Apparently, you can't call out bigotry without a qualifier these days 🙄

Oh, and she JUST posted this:

So, you know, let her know what ya'll think!!

[themusicianintheambulance]

I used to be the person that didn't want to take blame for my words and actions that happened during an episode.

Until I got sober I didn't realize how apologizing and being honest with yourself aka "cleaning your side of the street" is so much better for mental health. I didn't realize how much destruction I caused during my addiction... I didn't see others' pain until I dealt with my own.

The substances did not help me handle my bpd, rather my disorder had more control of me than I did.

It may not be you in your head, but it is still your body the other party is seeing... They are allowed to feel hurt, or however they feel, there is nothing you can do to change that. However apologizing and being empathetic to another's emotions goes such a long way. It shows you actually care about the other party, that you want a lasting relationship.

[themusicianintheambulance]

Another Christian cultural hegemony thing in leftist/progressive circles is people who feel the need to confess their sins either publicly or directly to some marginalized person in the hopes of being granted absolution.

If you recognize a racist/homophobic/transphobic/etc habit or thought pattern, you just need to reflect and do better. By yourself. You can't Recite 20 Hail Mary's your way out of existing under white capitalist patriarchy.

IE If you misgender someone, apologize to them; but don't ask random trans people in your general proximity (online or irl) to absolve you for buying Harry Potter merch.

[themusicianintheambulance]

The human brain is so complicated...

I understand theoretically what is going on inside my head, that my brain is lying, it's not a "jinx" because certain words were said, but part of me always preps for people walking away... I can't help it.

I want friends... But I screw up and I never get told why, or a chance to explain, they just walk away...

I've had a lot of loss recently...

It's hard to imagine becoming close friends with someone again without me remembering everyone else who walked away.

All this assuming people want to be my friend, which... I'm not doing either.

Making friends as an adult is hard, and I have issues and trauma with rejection.

Sigh... It's better if I stay at arms length...

I spent my entire life alone. My brothers and sisters are so much older than me. I was placed in front of the TV. I find solace in being alone, but it still gets lonely.

Learning to put the television on so it felt like someone else was home...

I was considered a freak at school...

At one time I let people abuse me, because fitting in was more important than my mental well-being. Literally needing to blend to try to be safe from the bullying from staff and students...

[themusicianintheambulance]

I never thought I'd say this.

But I am tired of doing research...

I'm tired of doing it for others...

If you really cared you'd get the information.

I feel like my own hand is also on the helm of the blade that is being held to my neck.

I feel like I contributed to this worsening of the world by having a "no thinking required" databank on the subject.

[themusicianintheambulance]

I found this hilarious post stating elons girlfriends as typical c drama concubines and I'm loosing it

Bonus

[themusicianintheambulance]

Gets really sick:

Gets a prescription: causes me to not sleep, eat or think straight for days.

Illness seems to be improving

Stomach issues are worse/ hurts because I don't want to eat but meds need to be taken with food

Have not slept more than a few hours since I have been prescribed

I literally looked at my wife and said "I used to like this?!"

The life of a recovering addict...

[themusicianintheambulance]

Hanging out. Thinking about stuff.

[themusicianintheambulance]

[themusicianintheambulance]

[themusicianintheambulance]

[themusicianintheambulance]

"I found someone new I wish you could meet,

she's fixing my heart piece by piece.

She's smart and she's clever,

she makes me feel better,

it's putting the life back in me."

-"Movement" by Rival Town

[themusicianintheambulance]

[themusicianintheambulance]

[themusicianintheambulance]