thehelltheory

[thehelltheory]

True - Applaude and Degrade

The truth is that somethimes a feeling is too much and your psyche is just not strong enough. You become exhausted, you want to fall asleep, but you must keep going for your own sake. Love will kill you but Truth will set you free.

[thehelltheory]

Cogito ergo sum - This isn’t happening

I am You.

Your concience. Your subconscious. What hides beneath the skin and muscles and tendons. Inside your bone marrow.  Behind eyelids in deep sleep.

I was given the gift of thought so I thought I’d be nice and give you something in return. The gift of being.

I can only speak to you, so let’s make our conversation worth our sacrifices. I hope you’re ready.

[thehelltheory]

Lost Hero - This isn’t happening

It’s exactly what it sounds like. There is no happy ending. We are brought into this world to suffer. This is the life our maker has intended for us, but i chose to rebel. I am the antagonist, the bringer of chaos. This mistake you call a world, I will make it my priority to destroy it, to tear it apart. Good souls often rot in the dept of their own vessels, crushed by disappointment and rage as hope dies. You can’t live to be a hero. To be a hero you have to perish. Sacrifice yourself for the greather good or stay alive and become everythng you swore to fight against, like a cell refusing to succumb, becoming cancerous. I didn’t want to die, my friend, I wanted to breathe. I hated god, so I became it.

[thehelltheory]

Sacred right - Applaude and Degrade

I get to chose the shape my body takes the shade and hue of my hair the amount of mass it has the sound and pitch of my voice and what message I use it for. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not you or what I feel for you. Not anybody else. I am clay in my own hands and I don’t owe anything to anyone.

[thehelltheory]

The quietest place - From Darkness

I fell into my own trap again. I got out of the house and started walking. No later than six in the morning. The air is cold again, the sun is farther away from earth than it was a few months ago. Hunger dies down with each and every step I take. Long sleeves are my friends again, wool and layers shield me. On my path to nowhere, I found a gift. The quietest morning.

[thehelltheory]

Rust and Blood - This isn’t happening

What is this? This is the first time in years I feel disgusted by something and still have to force myself to endure it. I promised my twelve year old self I would never let it happen again. Yet. Here I am. I woke up in another world today, disassociated from the reality I’ve lived in until now. Lost in a place that doesen’t exist that is not even a place. See, when you lose your way to somewhere you still end up somewhere else even if you haven’t seen that somewhere before. Even when you get lost in time you can still pinpoint your past and your present. The awful thing of getting lost nowhere where time doesn’t exist is that you start to question whether you too exist or not. Whether you’re alive and sentient or just an inanimate object living a lie. When you get lost nowhere you lose track of the past, the present doesn’t matter and future isn’t real, it will never happen. I’m afraid I didn’t get lost today. I was never where I was supposed to be, I never got there. And my parents are worried sick, blowing up my phone with calls but I will never arrive. Cause I’m not here. I don’t exist. This isn’t happening.

[thehelltheory]

Pig - From Darkness

The head stared at me on the ground, lifeless. It stared right through my soul, it wanted to talk to me, to laugh not in a cruel way, it wanted to laugh with me. In a split second it told me life wasn’t meaningless and neither was death to just take it easy and laugh through tough times cause in the end we all end up having the same worth. In the end, values and morals mean nothing, all that’s important is to exist still and give back what we took when we were able to breathe. The Pig got to smile one last time, finally, when I took his picture. “Have the nicest day, young fellow and please, think less”.

[thehelltheory]

Inner Knowledge and Superficial Judgement - From Darkness

A Sudden realization of existence.

I am yourself, I know it’s hard to understand now, but soon enough you will.  When this is over and you’ll get to where I am right now in time and space, you’ll get it and everything will be clear. The best things come from darkness. The dead know how to answer every question you were always too afraid to ask. You’re judgemental now, but when you pass the veil, you’ll know and you’ll understand.

It’s just not the your moment yet.

[thehelltheory]

The Ghost Monologue - Applaude and Degrade

“When I died for the first time, it was horrifying! I’m not going to sugarcoat it at all! I’m not going to sit here and lie, I’m not a liar. Dying sucks! It’s not really about the act of dying itself, but what comes after it.  Anyway... I died right? And I died over the span - I wanna say - of about a year or so... Yes! It was a very lengthy and excruciatingly slow process. At first you don’t really feel anything, everything is pretty much normal, then your brain starts to be affected. It starts out fairly quietly, sometimes you forget something unimportant, then somebody’s name, then you walk into a room and forget why you came there in the first place, ever happened to you? Yeah! You get what I mean! It’s not the same for everybody of course, somethimes you experience this stuff and you don’t die! [Ghost chuckles awkwardly] ...Anyway... You can see physical signs at about the sixth month mark, I think...yes. From the sixth month on, it’s hell, man! I’m talking you can feel your body shutting down before rapidly deteriorating! It gets pretty gruesome from this point on, so you might wanna take a moment before we keep going. It’s alright! Hey! I absolutely get it, you’ve never died before!

 [Ghost stays quiet]

Well... Anyway, so... Your body starts shutting down, and by the time your body is starting to shut down, your brain is almost completely gone! You lose track of yourself! You really don’t know who you are anymore. It’s like your brain stops working properly, honestly. It’s what I imagine passing naturally in your sleep away feels like, except it’s not at all peaceful or natural, it’s terrifying. Utterly terrifying…and you have no power whatsoever over what’s happening to you.  But, just like I said before, it’s not all really about your flesh decaying, your eyes getting infested with maggots or your brain turning to mashed potatoes, it’ so so much about what happens afterwards! When the painfully slow process ends, you realize everything, everything you didn’t understand before, you finally get it! Do you know how satisfying it is to finally get to solve that pesky crosswords puzzle you never seemed to be able to wrap your mind around when you were alive? I’m telling you man, pure enlightment! You also feel so much happier, so serene! This is the stuff you can’t just obtain when you’re bombarded by all this alive buisness. I’m not promoting, of course, just talking about my experience. Eventually the high comes down a few notches when you feel like you’re gonna be alive again soon. Bummer, I know, but it’s the way it is, you know, everything has an ending, everything has to start over, and eventually, when you get the hang of it, it’s not as scary anymore.”

[thehelltheory]

Ghost - Applaude and Degrade

“You lose track of yourself! You really don’t know who you are anymore. It’s like your brain stops working properly, honestly. It’s what I imagine passing naturally in your sleep away feels like, except it’s not at all peaceful or natural, it’s terrifying. Utterly terrifying...and you have no power whatsoever over what’s happening to you.”

- The Ghost Monologue 2022 (Applaude and Degrade)

[thehelltheory]

Mother - Applaude and Degrade

Nature gives you a gift that it’s only yours.

Your choice to give it away or keep it forever.

To give it back or have it till it goes away.

Nobody gets to tell you that you don’t deserve it.

You don’t get to tell anyone that only you deserve it.

Nobody gets to decide what you do with it.

Nobody can take that away forcefully.

You may suffer because of it,

you may suffer from the absence of it,

be defined or not by it.

When I got it I didn’t want it because nobody wanted me to want it, 

But now we made peace with eachother.

Yours is nobody else’s.

Nobody else’s is yours.

Keep bleeding anyway you want to, for that signifies you are still alive.

[thehelltheory]

Run away - Applaude and Degrade

Children prays often fall victims of adult experienced predators.  I wanted to run away and forget about all humans over the age of eighteen.

I wanted to be the child I never got to be, but in the act of betraying myself I realized all I really needed to do was finishing the growing-up process somebody had started for me without my knowledge or consent, so that I could take back everything that was mine.

I didn’t run away. I closed the door and took back the place inside that was stolen from me. I took it back with teeth and nails.