theheathendoll

[theheathendoll]

This is Little Brother. He hopes his sweet and silly upside down smiley face gives you free serotonin.

[theheathendoll]

I'm 44(f). and a recovering addict. Clean off meth since 2019 and took the last dose of suboxone I'll ever take in May 2023. Recovery can be so lonely.

Holding close the most important tennat of recovery: Avoid the people, places and things that could trigger relapse.

I walked away from everyone I knew. I insulted and offended everyone I thought might give me dope to the point that THEY blocked ME on social media in an attempt to fortify my recovery and it has worked. The thing is I've learned that making friends as a middle aged woman/ recovering addict living in a extremely rural areal is not happening. I've tried connecting with people online but the interactions feel artificial...the screen that connects me to the world also highlights my isolation. I don't know why I'm writing this.... I have a wonderful boyfriend whose loving kind and attentive. His job is very taxing and he often works weeks on end with no days off... I do not fear for my sobriety. I feel I've grown enough in my recovery to keep myself safe. I don't think this is a plea for friendship because I'm not good at being an internet friend....the lack of actual social interaction with said internet friends makes it all feel so far away.... everything feels so far away.

Maybe this is therapeutic...but after typing it out I don't feel any better.

I want to connect with people...but I don't want to deal with thirsty ass men being fucking gross in my inbox.....

Recovery means unlearning alot of bad coping mechanisms and replacing them with more productive and healthy alternatives

An addict will always be an addict.

The trick is to shift your addiction.

I decided I wanted to get addicted to the runners high instead of meth and opiates. So I began. In 2019 I started with simply walking and transitioned to some jogging and built myself up until finally I was physically capable of pushing my body to accomplish the legendary runners high. Now as I sit here i am healthier physically mentally and emotionally than I was at 24.

I achieved my recovery in near complete isolation. I live way back in the sticks where my only company was 6 family members who live within walking distance and my dogs Blue and Brother. I did not attend AA or NA or any groups or meetings besides the ones required once monthly at the suboxone clinic I attended. I raw dogged detox from a 20 year meth addiction cold turkey.

It was a fresh hell.

But it built the woman I am proud to be today.

Recovery is possible.