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20TH CENTURY GIRL (2022) DIR. BY BANG WOO RI

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20TH CENTURY GIRL (2022)

dir. Bang Woo Ri

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Why aren't you saying anything? Lovely Runner (선재 업고 튀어) 2024

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Mom, the one who saved me when I had the accident... Do you remember his or her name?

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Lovely Runner | 선재 업고 튀어 | Episode 1

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-Zoë Lianne

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They say that time heals all wounds, but time has been slipping by. What if I am a flower that rotted over time, never having the chance to bloom?

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Dear Friend, Today, my therapist and I talked about my general anxiety. Since I'll be traveling with my friends this upcoming Friday, we focused particularly on my travel anxiety. He made me realize that over the past six years, the things I've feared have never actually happened. He emphasized that I've been living constantly with my anxiety, worry, and fears rather than in reality. He was right. I have a lot of worst-case scenarios in my mind and concerns about things that could happen during my travels. I nearly choked up when he said, "Sean, this thing you fear has never existed. You're safe. Tell yourself 'I'm safe.'"

After our therapy session, I had a quick breakdown, but only because, for the first time, I felt at ease. It was like I had been drowning and struggling to swim, but now I've found something to hold onto.

Love Always, Seanu

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I am constantly living in fear. I fear something bad is going to happen when I plan a vacation, an event, or anything that I look forward to. I fear that my friends are going to hate me sooner or later. I fear that I am chasing a dream that is beyond my grasp. I fear that I am just wasting time. I fear that I am not living my life. I fear that people around me will be successful and living their life to the fullest and I will be miserable and sad. I fear that one day I will fail everyone who believes in me. I fear that I will be stuck in the same place, experiencing the same thing over and over again.

I FEAR A LOT.

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Fleeting

Adj. Passing swiftly; vanishing quickly; transient; transitory. It implies a sense of brevity or impermanence, like a moment that quickly comes and goes.

I just found a word that perfectly describes you.

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Shōgun — "Chapter Eight: The Abyss of Life"

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SHOGUN — 1x01: "Anjin" | 1x10: "A Dream of a Dream

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It's been a long time since I've put my fingers on the keyboard, faced the blank paper, and written my feelings. Why am I here writing again? I'm not sure. I just found the perfect time to write an update on my life, write the questions I have, and hopefully, find some answers.

Why did I stop writing? The first thing that came to my mind was that there's no inspiration to draw from. The suffering and pain I feel now are shared with my closest friend. I've found solace in the hands of my friends rather than in writing. Another reason is my hectic schedule; juggling two jobs occupies my days and nights, and during my rare free moments, I prefer playing games or chatting with friends online. Can I say I've lost my passion for writing? Other than personal reasons I feel like I'm too incapable of writing because I am not good with words and grammar although there's an AI now to help me, I wish not to use them to preserve the raw emotions of my words.

What is my intention in writing this? I just want to have a self-reflection. Just like the old days. Let's begin my relationship with my friends.

Currently, I'm prioritizing my inner circle and distancing myself from those with whom I share meaningless connections. I have chosen a few of my closest friends to know what's happening in my life and right now I'm trying to learn that people online don't need to know what's happening in my life. I desire a low-key, private life visible only to my close friends because posting publicly often invites unsolicited opinions that sometimes dampen my joy. Imagine sharing a cherished experience only to receive negative feedback from someone you barely know. It sucks.

Am I happy with this new lifestyle? I am. Letting go of people with whom I had meaningless friendships has given me so much peace of mind. I realized that I was trying so hard to please some people in my life that I lost part of myself. It never occurred to me that I already have close friends who don’t drain me, don’t make demands of me, care for me, and allow me to be my true self.

I have written a lot for a single letter. Maybe I'll end it for now and I'll write again about other changes in my life on another day. But let me finish this with a words I tell myself every day. Be intentional about the things you do in life.

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I think it's wonderful how people always try to cheer us up without knowing the depth of our pain and suffering. Their words of wisdom, their pieces of advice, their warmth—they have no direct effect on us. But still, somehow, I believe it's their way of saying, 'I have experienced wonderful things in life, and I hope you'll be here long enough to experience them too.

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Finally got to watch the final episode. I think the essence of the series was captured in the moment when at the court amidst of countless hurrahs, Kang-ho and his mom saw themselves as only two people alone in the world. In their joy. In the triumph of truth. I know the build up to the revenge arc and the climax had a very gentle slope. Because even though the murder of Kang Ho's father was the catalyst to all that happened- the story ultimately was about the good bad mother and her son. With all its toxicity, all its complaints and yes with all the love. It was a cool series.

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“Kang Ho. Choi Kang Ho. Yes? What are you painting? Oh!”

The good bad mother  나쁜엄마 // Episode 10

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