thegirlthatcaredtoomuch

[thegirlthatcaredtoomuch]

Confronting my depression and self-destruction

There is one word for confronting anything you encounter in life, self-awareness.

If you are completely in denial about what is happening to you, you will never ask for help or accept it when it is being offered.

I was at a point where booze and drugs were the only things to take the edge off. I was aware that this was not me at all, yet the pain always won that battle. I decided to make the…

[thegirlthatcaredtoomuch]

Is it me??

Am I too honest?

Should I stop?

Is this why I have no friends?

Or why I feel stuck?

Am I trying too hard?

Am I pushing to far?

How come everyone else has friends?

Maybe if I wish upon a star?

Everyone keeps saying is easy

That it is no pain

They don't understand that for me

It feels like no game

I speak the truth

I speak what come to mind

I speak without thinking

Sometimes i seem unkind

I really do not mean to

I promise a big heart

I do not only wish simple friends

I want works of art

So on my last attempt

Shall you be my friend

I promise to be by your side

Till the very end

[thegirlthatcaredtoomuch]

How it felt.

This one felt so real. I felt the corpse of an innocent woman falling on top of me. I felt the laughter of this baby girl while we played together. I felt the rage of a woman after seeing her loved one spying on another woman. I felt the desire of men while I tried to ask them for help. I felt the true fear that somebody out there was hunting my kind. I felt the fear become a reality in front of my imaginary eyes. Why do they feel so real. Why do they hunt me every night. Why does this fear stay with me, creating a nauseating feeling. How to stop it. I know I cannot. I also felt loved by the person that will never see the real me. It makes it all worth it cause, This one felt so real.

[thegirlthatcaredtoomuch]

Dreaming of an old friend.

How do you manage to not talk to someone at all and still have them wiggle their way into your dreams? On top of that its one of the best dreams you’ve had these days. It has been over 7 years and that one person still manages to have some part of your heart, when they literally don’t deserve it at all. This is what I asked myself after waking up with a racing heart and a smile form ear to ear. How is it even possible that after all this time trying to forget about your existence you decide to randomly pop into my dreams. You have done absolutely nothing to deserve this kind of attention from my behalf and yet still here I am where I have always been. Caring about your well being in the shadows, offering my advice when you run out of people to talk to and giving my love when all you do is take advantage of it. I decided to pour my feelings out just to be able to finally forget about them and move on with people that really does deserve me. I have never understood what my heart wants regarding you, I just know i never acted upon feelings out of respect for a friendship that only I supported. This is not a love confession it is a farewell letter. I guess I just felt like I should tell you what you probably already know, just so I could receive the hard blow by your own hand.