thegirlinthesilence

[thegirlinthesilence]

Ya, aku tau ucapan dan teriakan itu berasal dari amarah.

Ya, aku tau ucapan dan teriakan itu berasal dari emosi.

Ya aku tau ucapan dan teriakan itu mungkin benar dan bisa saja salah.

Ya, aku tahu aku baperan.

Terus kenapa???

Asal kalian tahu, semua teriakan itu masih membekas dan terekam dengan jelas di otakku. Sampai sekarang.

Emang kenapa kalau aku merasakan amarah itu sampai ke hati?

Kalian semua gak pernah tau apa yang benar-benar aku rasakan.

Aku yang tukang cerita ini sampai kalian bunuh keterbukaannya hanya karena kalian marah.

Tidak, aku tidak akan pernah lagi bercerita.

Tidak, aku tidak akan pernah lagi meluapkan emosi ini.

Tidak, aku tidak akan pernah lagi percaya pada kalian.

Sekalipun kalian keluargaku.

Not all house are our homes.

Just because you're my family, it doesn't mean that you couldn't hurt me, it doesn't mean that you're not toxic to my mental health.

So, please accept me for who I am.

Asal kalian tahu, kalianlah yang memegang peran besar terhadap anxiety disorder ku.

Kalian, keluarga yang harusnya saling menipang, tidak menjudge even dalam amarah kalian tidak seharusnya mengungkit-ungkit kelemahanku.

Aku tidak bisa memenuhi semua ekspektasi kalian.

I will never be good enough.

This is me, with all my flaws.

Please accept me.

And say "you are enough".

(April 25th, 2020)

Aku kembali kesini.

[thegirlinthesilence]

7 Des for DG

I just want to let go the sad part. Please let me.

Seperti selayaknya kegabutan pengangguran, pagi itu (7Des18) iseng2 buka facebook, liatlah di timeline ada postingan dr Daniel Gomgom soal konser glenn+barry. I'm a big fan of Barry Likumahuwa btw! Trus mikir "ini acara natal, siapa yg mau gue ajak. Yakali ayu sm yossy, ntar dikira kristenisasi. Wkwk" Dulu sempet kagum sm ka DG ini (ya namanya sama kyk nama adikku), krn keren gt dan pinter main musik. Tapi ya gt, udah gt aja kagumnya, kayak ngeliat artis di youtube/ sosial media.

Karena mikir ga bakal dateng, yaudah dong akhirnya gue jogging, sore2 mendung gitu tp ga sempet kena hujan, seakan2 Tuhan bilang "hujannya turun pas lo udah balik ke rumah aja kaliya hehe" Yas, He's so damn KIND.

Oiya sebelum jogging akhirnya terbersot buat ngajakin Dame (teman di naposo HKBPD1), mikir kyk "ini bakal jd wacana jg si palingan" Eh gataunya beneran dong dia bisa, trus cuaca yg awalnya sehabis gue jogging hujan deres, taunya pas gue mau berangkat ke Citos (konser natalnya di situ) hujan brenti dong, berasa kayak dirahmati Dia buat dateng.

Pas dtg udah takut bgt karena nyampe sana sekitar jam 8an kalo ga salah, sementara di postingan kakak itu mulainya jam 7, trus pas sampe sana kaget krn ternyata belum mulai hahaha. Yeay ga rugi, pikirku.

Yaudah, gue sm Dame nyari posisi yg enak buat nonton tp karena padet bgt yaahh jadinya dimana yg bisa aja. Jadilah kita disamping speaker-_- ya walaupun ga sebelahan bgt, tapi ya lumayan tuli hahaha. Kita nikmatin tuh konser berasa praise n worship, sambil sesekali gue ngamatin satu persatu musisi yg main diatas panggung itu.

Eh ternyata, beneran dong ka DG itu main disitu jd gitaris, bersama Barry Likumahuwa trus ada Glenn Fredly, Tompi, Amy Purba, dan bbrp musisi keren lainnya (yg gue lupa namanya).

Saking asiknya gue nikmatin konsernya, sesekali gue mengarahkan pandangan gue ke ka DG, (you might say that I am PEREZ wkwkwk) but untuk sepersekian detik pandangan kita beradu gt. HAHA gaya bet lu din. Senengnya bukan main, pingin teriak wkwk. Gue jg sempet mergokin si Amy Purba ngeliat ke arah gue. Emang posisi gue dari panggungg itu deket banget, front row gitudeh.

Selesai acaranya, gue diajakin Dame buat minta foto2 ke musisinya, yg sebenernya gue pingin cuma ka Barry dan Glenn doang. Itupun ga begitu tertarik krn gue udah pernah foto brg mereka. Turned out jadinya foto hampir ke semua musisi HAHAHA include ka DG itu. Malu2in bgt gaksi gue, percakapan kita kira2 begini:

G: ka, boleh minta fotonya ga?

D: boleh boleh

G: *cekrek* makasih ya ka, btw kaka dr pekanbaru gaksi?

D: sama2, hahah iyaa kok tau?

G: karna aku ngeliat postingan konser ini di timeline akun fb aku, yg temenan sm akum fb kaka

D: wah. Ntar jangan lupa tag di instagram yaa

G: oke

Sisanya ga inget lagi...

Setelah itu gue sm Dame nobgkrong bentar di JCo lalu balik. Sampai rumah gue kebelet ngaplot momen2 konser tadi termasuk foto brg ka D, gue tag lah dia di instastory instagram gue dgn caption "senior waktu di santa maria pekanbaru dulu gaksi? It was nice meeting you, btw @danielgomgom1" Eh gataunya di reply postingan gue di message "hahahaha, anak2 pekanbaru ya kita"

Karena gue malu bgt karna kyk fans gila yg nyosor gitu, gue bales aja "sama2 ka, sorry ya kyk org sok kenal" Trus dia reply lagi "hahah gapapa bgt!"

Plus dia ngeview selfie terakhir gue dgn dame dihari itu. Mungkin karna kepencet kaliya, gausah geer bgt din wkwk.

Dan begitulah kisah gue. Mengagumi seseorang. Gue ga muluk2, makanya setelah nulis ini, mencurahkan segala rasa kagum gue, gue berharap, gue bisa balik ke diri gue sendiri lagi (dengan rasa bahagia yg tidak menggebu2 lagi). Karena gue tau, gue bukan siapa2 yg layak buat disukain sm sosok kyk dia hehe.

Karena gue tau, endorphin ini hanya sementara. Cepatlah berlalu. Kutak ingin berharap lebih lagi, dan bermimpi lagi. Aku ingin terbangun...

Thanks Tumblr, it was nice to be back.

#nowplaying Taylor Swift- Superstar

[thegirlinthesilence]

It’s rare to meet someone with a mind just as beautiful as their face.

Unknown (via wordsnquotes)

[thegirlinthesilence]

[thegirlinthesilence]

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.

Heath Ledger, “10 Things I Hate About You” (via wnq-movies)

[thegirlinthesilence]

[thegirlinthesilence]

But if you loved me, why did you leave me?

Kodaline, “All I Want” (via wnq-music)

[thegirlinthesilence]

Percayalah, jika wanita sudah menulismu dalam tulisannya, maka hanya akan ada dua kemungkinan.Ia sangat mencintaimu, atau ia sangat membencimu.

(via mbeeer)

😂😂👌

[thegirlinthesilence]

Hey , you sleep a lot these days , you are so unproductive , you eat too much or too little , you don’t concentrate . Try exercising , try going out , hang out with people more . This never works , try this : hey your sleep cycle looks a little strange , is everything okay ? you don’t seem much like your usual self , you can talk to me , I won’t judge you , promise . When you are trying to help someone remind them of the stars within them not the darkness

Kriti.G (via kriti-g)

[thegirlinthesilence]

I'll Wait For You

Maybe I met you when I was five years old On the seashore at a playground In an ice cream store Were we ever introduced Did momma make me talk to you Hey there, hello, hello, hello Did daddy tell me stay away It's not a boy you need today Okay, okay, okay As we've gotten older Who could've known that We'd find each other Love's far away, far away But we're moving closer Love's kind of crazy it's strange Suddenly it finds you, oh, oh So love wait for me I'll wait for you love I think I saw you when I was seventeen On prom night at that old ice cream store I noticed you across the room There was something more to you Hey there, hello, hello, hello I wonder if you know my name Or even if you feel the same way after Now we've gotten older and who could've know that We were right there waiting Love's far away, far away But we're moving closer Love's kind of crazy it's strange Suddenly it finds you, oh, oh So love wait for me I'll wait for you Love, love, love Love, love, love Wait for me Love, love, love Love, love, love, love Love's far away, far away But we're moving closer Love's kind of crazy it's strange Suddenly it finds you, oh, oh I'll wait for you love Wait for me, wait for me Wait for me love Wait for me love

[thegirlinthesilence]

She's afraid. She's afraid not being enough for everyone.

[thegirlinthesilence]

If you don't have the urge to ask me to talk, maybe we will not talk along the day, or maybe we will not talk forever. You're the guy, and I'm the gal. Remember, some things are meant to be.

[thegirlinthesilence]

Kadang, bukan dia yang tak mau bicara. Tapi, kadang tak satupun yang mengerti ketika dia sudah bicara

[thegirlinthesilence]

Perihal merindu, Akulah ratunya. Perihal dalang dari rindu, Kaulah rajanya.

[thegirlinthesilence]

When you miss someone, and you can't do anything about it.

[thegirlinthesilence]

Thank you. Thank you for still care about me. It means a lot.

[thegirlinthesilence]

Kadang, tak sedikit yang paham maksudmu. Bahkan ketika kau sudah menjelaskannya dengan sungguh sangat jelas. Pasti ada persepsi berbeda yang muncul.