thefloofabounds

[thefloofabounds]

Disabled people deserve government assistance and benefits. Even if they have incomes. Even if their spouses have incomes. Even if both they and their spouses have incomes.

Because being disabled is fucking expensive, even with affordable healthcare, even under the best circumstances and in the most accessible situations.

[thefloofabounds]

Since July is Disability Pride Month

(as opposed to every other month when we're all demure about disability rights /gentle sarcasm)

I wanted to highlight one of my favorite artists: Liberal Jane.

[thefloofabounds]

One day I'll have my own library. Until then, I'll just have to draw it into reality.

[thefloofabounds]

This one's for you 💓

[thefloofabounds]

Random Rambles Chapter One CW: Longer Post

Random rambles are going to be blog posts where I just talk about whatever comes to mind. I want to try and do these regularly and then maybe have hyper focus posts that are about specific topics. I also think I'll do these in longer formats than specific topics. I'd like to point out I will try my best to always add a content warning for longer posts. I personally enjoy knowing if a read will be longer or shorter sometimes depending on the topic and my own mood.

Besides, I've got to learn to just write about anything and not need to plan these. That seems the best way to practice writing. I can practice planning writing once my writing muscle is more developed.

I have two people following me on Tumblr.... I never thought I'd say i have anyone following me on Tumblr! So, new followers, if you're reading this, then I love you, thank you, you're awesome and I really encourage feedback if you're willing. Anything you wanna talk to me about I'd love to hear it. I wanna know what it is you're passionate about that you saw reflected here. I wanna know which part of the great wide world is one we both love enough for you to find and follow me!

This week has been a rough one mental health wise. Last night I cried myself to sleep trying to avoid a full blown panic attack because life is terrifying and i don't know what the hell I'm doing. I always seem to forget that my therapist (now on #4 so hopefully this one works out) keeps telling me that if I need help in between sessions to call so I've been white knuckling it until my appointment on the 23rd.

Anywho, that's a depressing train of thought and since this space is mine to use as I wish and I wish to change the subject and use the internet for it's intended purpose of escaping reality.

I've got a lot of new poems I've worked on lately. I might post some here, but I'm toying with the idea of reading them and posting videos of that on TikTok. It's my go to escapism app. It has audio and visual input and engages my brain in oh so tasty ways that allow me to slide blissfully into the sea of time as it sweeps me several hours into the future of my life. The only issue is my perfectionism goes into overdrive when I'm recording myself. Now I have to worry about my appearance and what I actually sound like, not what someone's mind imagines I sound like. I tend to rerecord until I get flustered and just stop posing altogether. I want to get more comfortable on camera, but that is a project for another day.

I have hit my wall. My brain is blessedly quiet because it's all written here and my bed is calling me. As always friends, if you've made it this far, I love you, you're awesome, and I hope you have a wonderful evening. Sweet dreams and goodnight!

[thefloofabounds]

I wanna be a witch

All of my heroes growing up, like all the figures I felt I connected to via my consumption of media, were witches. These were women with power, something I've never felt like I ever really had. But more than that, the ones I looked up to were also really good people. They weren't perfect, they didn't pretend to be - but at the core of them they were DECENT.

There's also the fact that in all my life, spirituality felt right. It puts you in the driver's seat of your faith. You decide what you believe and move within that to be a better person for yourself and the world around you. Spirituality feels like it gives me the tools to actually have real faith in something. It allows grace in a way nothing else ever did for me.

So far my research and learning has taught me there are so many ways to be a witch. So what kind do I want to be? In my fantasy world I have a cottage in the woods by a lake. In reality I have three tarot decks, a growing collection of witchy literature, and an insatiable hunger to learn everything about everything so I know how to answer this question more accurately.

I've dipped my toe into the meditation pool, briefly. I tried focusing on my breathing, which really just made me anxious about how I was breathing, because I focused on how weird it felt to focus on and control something my body regularly just shoves off as a chore for my not me brain to handle. I ended the experience after a handful of minutes with a shaky feeling like I'd just gone through a panic attack. That's most likely just a side effect of the mental illness than any real aversion to meditation though, so I'm not writing it off just yet as a viable option.

My end goal is honestly having a group of people to FINALLY have my very own midnight margarita's scene. That is the pinnacle of my current witchy experience.

As always if you've made it this far, you're awesome, I love you (I really do mean this friends), and I hope you have a great evening!

[thefloofabounds]

Poetry

I've always loved poetry, For a very long time I was worried about mine because I had it in my head that poetry, like so many other things, came with rules. Hard and fast lines that must be adhered to in order for it to really count. Now I worry about my poetry because I'm a deeply broken person who struggles to share anything that makes them vulnerable and then feels miserable because they know they have no one else to blame but themselves for why they can't connect. Ah, gotta love the smell of irony in the morning.

So I write poems and squirrel them away for that day I decide to reveal them. Usually it's after the emotions expressed aren't relevant to my current emotional state. At this rate the bulk of my works will have to be discovered and published (hopefully) posthumously.

I have a poem though that I'm really excited to share. It's not done yet because it's about music. I've got a couple more that I want to tweak but am really proud of myself for. I like the way poetry lets me turn words into art. It's like painting an emotion with words that make the reading of it sound like music. There's a freedom to poetry I absolutely adore. With poetry everything can be everything else as long as I can see a connection to it.

If you've made it this far, you're awesome, I love you, and I hope you have a good afternoon!

[thefloofabounds]

Runaway with me... CW: LONG post

I believe there are perfect moments. Moments that are so sweet and poignant that even recalling them lifts your mood, if only for a while. For me, one of those moments was the first time I heard Runaway by Aurora. I'm a big lover of music already, but the first time I heard this song everything in me just lifted. It was like the blooming of a flower inside myself that I didn't know was growing.

I experience what I recently learned is called frisson when I listen to certain songs. I don't know before hand what song will cause this, and they don't do it every time. I tend to refer to this as a song hitting just right. For me frisson looks like tingles that start on my scalp, work their way down from there. If the reaction is particularly strong I get full body tingles, chills, and goosebumps all at once.

That was what happened with Runaway but on a massive scale. The only way i can describe it was as a moment of pure mental and emotional bliss.

It's become my favorite song, and I've devoured everything I can find from Aurora since.

Music over all is just magical to me. It makes my brain quiet enough that I can just feel. Not an easy ask when my brain is constantly running. I spend more time analyzing my emotions than feeling them, and music lets me stop and process. That's why I listen to music whenever I read or write. It helps me run away from the overthinking, constantly examining nature of my brain and lets me just be whatever it is that I am in the moment.

It also allows me to provide soundtracks to my brain movies, which is not to be understated.

I love my music but I'm always so afraid to share my playlist with others. I'll take song recs all day long, but rarely offer them, because so often I find someone that doesn't really connect to the song I adore in the way I did. It kinda feels like sharing a piece of your soul with someone and having it fall flat when you wanted it to inspire wonder. Like, this song says something about me and who I am, and all that I want to be, and for you it's just meh. That shit stings.

My biggest fear is being rejected for who I am, and I connect so strongly to the music I love that it feels like a part of myself. Music is how I commemorate the phases of my life. I can go through my playlist and tell you what I was reading, watching, or feeling with every single song.

I've spent a really long time building the soundtrack to my life. And now I'm trying to imagine a musical about my life using my playlist. Fair warning, you WILL get Rick Rolled... I fucking love that song. Rick's voice is a thing of beauty. I will however apologize in advance for songs like Fish Heads and The Ding Dong Song, even though I find them highly amusing and they tickle me to my core.

As for my taste in music? I'd say that while my overall taste is pretty varied I do tend towards an electric/dancey/hip hop/pop combination with a slew of what I call trailer music thrown in. Like really epic songs that give you big feels. I like fast tempos, complicated lyrics, intricate musical combinations and I love a really good bass.

This is probably the most vulnerable thing I've ever posted to date but here are some of my big hitters:

Eleanor Rigby - Cody Fry version, specifically the score video if on youtube

Jaymes Young - Moondust

Amber Run - Heaven Is A Place I Know & Amen

HAEVN -We Are (Symphonic Tales)

Manchester Orchestra - The Silence

Let me know if you'd like some more recs from my playlist and don't be afraid to share your own.

If you've read this far, you're awesome, I love you, good night and sweet dreams!

[thefloofabounds]

Welcome to the Rabbit Hole

I was having a lot of anxiety and doubt about how I was going to keep up with this blog. I'm great at first posts stating my hopes and dreams. Luckily the answer was right in front of me. I'm just going to write these as if I'm talking to my best friend. I love this person with the depth of my soul, mind, and heart. No one in my life has ever seen me as clearly.

They make me the best version of me I've ever been.

You should know friends that my conversations are rabbit holes. I start at one thought that makes sense and by the end we're someplace else and nothing makes sense anymore. I also go in depth on subjects that a lot of people say aren't that deep. Because I'm an overthinker and that applies to literally everything I encounter.

I am an amalgamation of trauma, mental illness, and neurodivergence in a person shaped trench coat. I love books and reading. I live for coffee and music. I fall asleep to an active fantasy world painstakingly constructed by me and largely starring Tom Ellis. That is of course when I'm not falling asleep to the countless intrusive thoughts and memories that like to yell at me about all the ways I could be better.

I'm currently being sucked into the awesomeness that is the Epic Troy Saga concept album. It was a recommended to me by my best friend and I fall in love with it more each time I listen. I'm a huge lover of mythology in general. but it all started with Greek mythology because of a book I found at the library. Books started a lot of my favorite things.

I'm starting to get the read it overs so I need to end this here and hit post before my brain makes me try and rewrite this...again. As before, if you've made it this far, you're awesome, I love you and I hope you have a great rest of your day!

[thefloofabounds]

Ready, Set, Blog!

I want to start with a disclaimer : There's a chance I'm going to be really bad at this. This is the first blog I've ever created with the sole purpose of just writing whatever it is I want to write about. It is absolutely going to be chaotic, messy, and not what I've seen from other blogs in that I am refusing to limit my conversation with the void to just one thing.

Everyone on social media is insistent that in order to garner a following you need to establish a niche and identify your brand. The problem with this is that brands are logos, and marketing, and LIMITING. I am not a brand, and I adamantly will not curate a space that forces me to choose what I want to talk about and who I want to be to the world. I am a multi-faceted human being full of passion for so many things. I want genuine engagement and to hopefully find the other nicheless people like me that just want to talk about everything they're interested in when they want to talk about it.

I'm weird and want to be weird all over this website but in like a wholesome, not creepy (hopefully), kinda way. I'm doing this because I'm four therapists deep and am tired of waiting until I'm the best version of me to be me. I am allowed to take up the space I create for myself. And even though validation would be nice and give me those sweet, sweet, happy brain chemicals, I can't get the validation if i keep waiting to feel like I finally deserve it.

This has been incredibly cathartic, but I live in the capitalism, and so it's time for bed so I can be a rested little cog in the wheel tomorrow. If you've made it this far, you're awesome, I love you, sweet dreams, and goodnight!