thebridalstylist

[thebridalstylist]

What you should know about alterations

I had the loveliest bride yesterday who needed to bring a dress home that day. She had a $1k budget but managed to find a $600 gown that she adored. She needed two things from alterations: a bustle, and to have the gown hemmed. So I pulled someone out from our alterations department to give her an estimate on what would need to be done, and the estimate ended up being $150 for the bustle and $260 for the hem. My bride's face fell.

Look, I'm not going to lie. That's a LOT. After the alterations person left, I said something to her that I'm not supposed to, and I want to say it to all of you too.

If your bridal salon has an alterations department, YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO USE THEM FOR THE DRESS YOU BUY AT THAT SALON.

Please pardon the all caps, but I think it's necessary.

Generally speaking, your stylist won't tell you that. Getting you into your dream dress and then getting you an alterations appointment is part of the job, so some stylists just let you assume you have to use our in-house people. YOU DO NOT.

If a bride of mine is given an alterations estimate and she's okay with it, then it's all good and I don't do anything. But if it turns out to be a problem for her in any way, I will tell her that that estimate's just us and that she can take the dress anywhere she likes.

There are seamstresses all over the place. A ton of dry cleaners have them. There are other bridal salons, and sometimes, tux shops will do bridal gowns as well. And there are independent seamstresses out there who do great work, too. Hell, there's even a friend's grandma out there who knows what she's doing. Just research the hell out of alterations people first!

Just remember, you are 100% free to shop around.

[thebridalstylist]

Silhouettes and what they can do for you

Welcome to Silhouettes 101! I thought I'd list them out and tell you the pros and cons to each, so you can feel like you have a better grasp on them before you go dress hunting.

Please note: Everything I write in the "cons" section is an FYI and can be thoroughly ignored. If you are going to the courthouse and you want a ballgown with a cathedral train, go for it.

Ballgowns

The ballgown is, on a scale from tight to full, 110% floof. It's a classic wedding gown silhouette, but that doesn't mean it has to be conservative or unexciting in any way.

Best for: Brides who want the princess or fairytale look, or who need a better contrast between their waist and hips in order to create the illusion of a smaller waist.

Cons: They can be heavy, and going to the bathroom once you're in it is a royal (ha!) pain in the ass if you don't have multiple people helping or a product like the Bridal Buddy.* They can also sometimes make people look a bit shorter, but if that's where your heart is and you're a short queen, you can mitigate that by wearing some serious heels or just not give a crap about it. Also, can come off as more formal than some other silhouettes.

A-Lines

This silhouette is named an A-line because it's shaped like.... Guess what? Yep. An A. On the scale of tight to full, it's just under the ballgown in floofiness, but is not as tight as a fit and flare or a sheath.

Best for: Everybody! The A-line is a universally flattering silhouette. Unless it's heavily beaded, it's probably going to weigh less than a ballgown. If you want flowy, this is probably your best bet. A-lines are also often really good at getting that romantic feel. If you don't care about a train, you can really open up your options by checking out gowns in your chosen color that are special occasion, evening gowns, or even prom dresses, and save quite a bit of money.

Cons: Still a lot of material for some, but there aren't really a lot of downsides to this one.

Fit And Flares

I use "fit and flare" as a catch-all for any dress that, well, fits and at some point flares out, like mermaids or trumpets. These terms can sometimes be used interchangeably.

Best for: Two words - drama and curves. If you don't have an hourglass figure and you want one, this is where to look. If you're the kind of bride who wants to go full glam, these gowns are your best friend.

Cons: If you are apple shaped, a fit and flare might actually call more attention to it, but there are still tricks to mitigating that like adding belts or finding one with ruching. While you're trying one on and/or getting your fitting done with alterations with one of these ladies, make absolutely sure you can walk, dance, and sit comfortably... And yeah, that means busting a move at the bridal salon, even if it's just in your changing room. Hell, we'll probably suggest it! You don't want a dress that'll be so tight on your legs that you're tippy-toeing down the aisle, unless you want that, in which case you do you!

Sheaths

These babies go straight up and down, and are sleek and sexy. They're going to be the tightest silhouette overall.

Best for: If you're more of a casual bride, you'll have way better luck finding a sheath that works for you, as opposed to, say, ballgowns. Also great if you're a budget bride; this is the other silhouette you can look through special occasion or prom gown collections for and find some way cheaper that nobody would ever guess wasn't a $5k wedding gown. And if you want some floof for the ceremony but not the reception, you can just get a really stunning overskirt like this, this, or this, and just remove it for the reception, no need for a train. So, lots of customization options!

Cons: They are not terribly forgiving to the figure. Spanx can take care of that. Also may not be best for those who are apple-shaped without tricks like ruching, belts, etc. applied. For people with body dysmorphia, these might be a bit tough. Also, these are usually the most casual of the silhouettes.

Like always, I'll say that the only thing that matters is that you feel beautiful and comfortable in your dress, so don't take something written under "cons" as law. Be true to yourself and what you want, no matter what that style is!

*I get no money whatsoever from any link I might post.... dammit. Also, those are to be seen solely as examples.

[thebridalstylist]

i hope this isn't an odd question, but how did you get in to wedding planning and styling? would you be willing to talk a bit about the positives/negatives of those jobs? i helped plan a friend's wedding, including helping her figure out styling, and loved it so much that i'm thinking of pursuing that professionally (if i'm ever able to) but i have no idea what it would be like as a career or how to break into it

Sorry for taking a minute to get back to you. Things have been kind of nuts!

I got in to wedding planning as a leap from corporate event planning, which I'd been doing for a while and was highly bored of. I have always loved weddings, so it was a natural jump. Advising brides on gowns (i.e. what to expect at an appointment, what styles she might want to think about) was always my favorite part, even though I got to do very little of it. I'm pretty much on every wedding gown website/subreddit and have designed my own since I was very little. (Now if I can just learn how to sew!)

As for how I became a stylist... I'd taken some time off work, and I went to an appointment with a friend. The salon was super busy, and I told the stylist not to worry, that I could help my friend, and she could just check in every once in a while if she wanted. It took her a minute of watching me to realize I really did know what I was talking about, and got her manager over. I got offered an interview on the spot and started the job 3 days later. Just one hell of a stroke of luck! I truly do adore my job, and I feel really lucky to get to do it.

I have good news for you; right now is bridal's super busy season, because everyone gets engaged over the holidays and prom season starts. There are salons out there who need people so much that as long as you have the want-to and the enthusiasm, and are good with people, they'll be willing to train you. (If you've done any retail before, or did something like waiting tables, that helps!)

Find salons in your area, and call them at an off time (like mid-day o a weekday) and speak to a manager. Tell them you're looking to become a stylist and ask if they have any openings. Say that you really love that they have [pick a designer from their website]'s collection, and that you love how [insert how you feel about it - romantic and dreamy, classic, boho, elegant, etc.] that designer is. They'll notice you're already paying attention to what the salon specializes in, which may give you a leg up. You'll still probably be told to apply via some website, but calling them when the manager has a minute - as long as it isn't busy, which you can ask if they are - can get you noticed better.

Be willing to learn, quick to offer help to your coworkers, kindly honest and cheerful with your customers, and as flexible as you can be with your schedule, and that'll take you far. Be ready to work weekends. Also, be ready to dress conservatively and wear black all. the. time.

Professional wedding planning is tougher to get into. The best way is to probably contact a few planners and ask if they're looking for an assistant. There are a lot of venues that are hiring their own on-site planners these days, and you can go on Indeed or call them to see if they're looking for someone to assist.

Last piece of advice: unless you are one of those people who I am thoroughly jealous of who can do 6 hours on their feet in heels, invest in some really fucking good insoles.

If there's anything else I can answer for you, let me know, ok?

[thebridalstylist]

Hello, may I ask some advice? I’m going to be a bridesmaid at wedding later this year. The bride has set loose parameters for gowns(any shade of blue, any style we want within reason). Do you have any advice for finding one? Or would it be roughly similar to finding a bridal gown?

Of course! Sorry if this took me a minute to get back to you on - things have been nuts.

Your friend is certainly very kind and giving. Seriously, A+ bride. However, "any blue, any style" can be really overwhelming.

You can go about this a couple of ways.

One - just talk to the bride, and ask to see what the other bridesmaids are wearing, so you don't accidentally match anyone else. That'll whittle it down for you a little, so you know what shades and styles to avoid. I'd also ask her what kind of fabric she wants. Like, does she want something more matte like chiffon, something like satin, or does it matter to her if different BMs have different fabrics?*

Two - go to a store with a good selection. (David's Bridal has a ton of BM dresses.) Make an appointment with a stylist, and tell her you have no idea where to start. They'll be able to show you the blues they have, and can advise you on what styles might look best on you.

*satin BM gowns are GORGEOUS, do it

[thebridalstylist]

What a bride SHOULD wear

Today, I had a really lovely woman come in. She was a plus size widow who was getting remarried at about age 50, and was a complete ball of nerves about what she SHOULD be wearing given all that. She came in asking if it was okay that she wear certain silhouettes or details or colors, like "But am I allowed to wear sequins at my age/size/2nd wedding?" There was so much "am I allowed?", and it broke my heart.

I used to be a wedding and event planner as well, and I think it's important that everyone hear what I told that bride. I'm a professional at this, so if you want to take one thing as law, make it this one.

I want you to take every idea you have about what a bride should be allowed to wear at your age/size/situation... And then I want you to set all those ideas on fire and dropkick 'em a mile away.

There are only two rules to what you're "allowed" to wear as a bride: one, that you feel comfortable, and two, that you feel beautiful. That's it. If you're an 86 year old bride who wants a purple see-through mini dress with a V down to your bellybutton with 15 layers of poof under the skirt and crystal pasties where your nipples are, girl... Go for it. I will bust my ass to make it happen.

Anyone who says anything different can take a long walk off a short pier. It's about you, and only you. All that matters is that YOU'RE happy.

(And by the way. that bride found a dress she loved so much she happy-cried.)

[thebridalstylist]

Setting expectations

There are a few scenarios that have a tendency to turn out anywhere from not 100% happily to straight-up badly, and just in case you fall under any of them, I thought I’d point them out.

Yesterday, I had a mother of the bride come in. She was a size 26, and wanted a gown that was in one of two uncommon colors, sleeves, and a full skirt. Now, my salon carries sizes even past 26 if needed. However, that is a LOT of restrictions. I only state her size because it matters here; the higher in size you go, the less options you have (and the shittier they tend to be - thanks, designers). I’m actually a 20 myself, so I totally get her. It sucks how much extra work we plus-sized gals have to do to feel pretty.

I wasn’t able to help her in the end and she left upset, which I hated, but the problem was that she would not budge on any of her criteria. If she’d allowed me to bring out dresses that were wine or navy colored, I could have given her about 10 options that didn’t suck, but she refused and left unhappy, which just kills me. 

Another scenario I see a lot is when a bride comes in looking for a full-on wedding gown with all the bells and whistles, and then tells me she has $200 to spend. I’ll take her through our clearance section, but in the end, I’m really only going to have 3 or 4 options for her if she’s lucky. Now, I’ll bust my ass for them and even ask my managers if I can get any extra discounts, but we’re still severely limited there. 

If your budget is $200, just know that you’re going to want to either understand your choices will be really limited in a brick and mortar store and be okay with it, or roll the dice and buy online. Here’s my guide to buying gowns online. 

Be mad at the situation, be mad at the designers, be mad at the wedding industry and society at large, sure - but try not to take that out on your stylist. I promise you, they’re doing their best.

[thebridalstylist]

Buying in person vs. online

Wedding gowns can be a big chunk of cash, so I completely understand wanting to buy one online to save some dough. You just have to be super careful.

Don’t: Order a gown online without having tried something as close as possible to it in a brick and mortar store. Just tell the stylist you’re paired with that you’d like to try on that dress and some other styles too, because you’re not sure what you want. That way you’ll know exactly what you want and how it’ll look on you, and by telling the stylist that, they’ll know you’re just there to play. Any stylist worth their salt won’t be bothered by it.

Do: Get your measurements professionally taken before you order your dress. Don’t just do it yourself if you’re not someone who sews or does alterations; it’s a little more technical than you think. You can ask your stylist to measure you during your bridal salon appointment. You’ll need bust, waist, and hip measurements.

Don’t: Buy a dress online without doing serious research. Google the company’s reputation to hell and back. Look at the reviews, and make sure you’re looking very hard at the negative reviews. If you can’t find reviews with pictures from actual customers showing what they really received, I wouldn’t risk it. We see too many brides who end up getting something that looks like it came from Wish, struggling with getting a return and refund, and come in crying because they now have a week before their wedding and $100 to buy something they know won’t be enough for them. Breaks our hearts every time.

Do: Use those professional measurements when you’re ordering! Look at the size chart for the specific gown. If, say, your bust and hip says you’re a size 10 but your waist says you’re a 12, go for the 12. It can be very hard to downright impossible to let seams out, but you can almost always take them in. Bigger = better. Don’t fall into the “oh, I’ll lose weight before then, I’m sure” trap.

Don’t: Wait to order your gown. To be safe, give it more time than you’d give ordering a gown from a brick and mortar store (6 - 9 months). That way, if something happens, you have more than enough time to take care of it. And should the worst happen, you then have enough time to get your refund and a secondary dress. 

Happy shopping!

[thebridalstylist]

Why Zuhair Murad is my fave, exhibit 1.

This immaculate Zuhair Murad wedding dress features sparkly geometric embellishments throughout the entire gown with a two-piece effect princess skirt!

[thebridalstylist]

This is such a cool idea for themed weddings! I've seen people make their bouquets out of novel pages too. (Especially Harry Potter.)

Personal, creative touches like this are things that set your wedding apart from everyone else's, and with things like this, you can keep it forever. Displaying unique wedding touches in shadow boxes looks great on the walls of your place!

Awesome job, @craftyjuju!

Todays finished special order - Star Wars Forever Paper Flowers ❤️ These are going to have to become limited Editions as the paper isn't printed any more! 😲 #craftyjujudesigns #craftyjuju #starwars #foreverflowers #paperflowers #paperroses #weddingflowers #limitededitions

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A post shared by Crafty JuJu Designs (@craftyjujudesigns)

[thebridalstylist]

See, this is a great prank. Nobody gets hurt, everyone laughs in the end.

I also like the one where the bride was in a blow-up dinosaur costume.

Before the wedding ceremony, the groom waits to see his bride in her beautiful virginal white dress…… But

🎵🎶🎵🎵🎵🎶🎶

[thebridalstylist]

Royal Wedding Gowns: Queen Elizabeth II

Timely post, no?

This is Queen Elizabeth II on her wedding day in 1947. It was designed by Norman Hartnell, who created many special gowns for the royal family.

Even though World War II was over at that time, austerity measures were still in place, so Elizabeth had to pay for her dress with clothing ration coupons. The public heard about it, and thousands of women sent in their own coupons so she could have something worthy of the Queen; unfortunately, that wasn't allowed, so Elizabeth sat down and sent each coupon back with a thank you note.

350 women worked on the gown for 2 months. The train was 13 feet, and embroidered with flowers. It was meant to echo the rebirth of the world during spring. 10,000 seed pearls were imported from America for it. It's one of the most famous wedding gowns ever made.

The show The Crown had an exact replica made of this dress for season 1. It cost 30,000 pounds (about $37,000 US), and took 7 weeks to make.

If you want to echo any of this in your own gown with a modern update, try something with flowers, especially if they're 3D. You can also get a veil (or cape!) trimmed in tiny pearls, which is a neat look sometimes too!

[thebridalstylist]

Gown Shopping 101: Preparing For Your Appointment

So, you've read my last post and you've got yourself a dress budget and an appointment with a bridal salon. Go, you!

You still need to do a little bit more homework before your appointment - but it's the fun kind. Break out a Pinterest board and load it up with a few gowns you really love. Put up examples of silhouettes and details that you really like. Part of my job is to nail down your style in as little time as possible so we can get you off the sales floor and into a bunch of gowns, and showing us that Pinterest board helps a LOT.

You may be the kind who thinks 100% that they want a very specific thing. Say, a dropped waist, strapless ivory ballgown with a sheer corset top, lace, and some bling. I will bust my ass to get you into a dress as close to that as I can. Do, though, try to keep an open mind. Part of the reason my job exists is that I know what all of my inventory holds, and I know what dresses look like on a person vs. on the hanger, so if a stylist makes a suggestion, try it! People come in all the time wanting something very specific and leave with the opposite.

If the thought of looking at gowns overwhelms you and you don't even know where to start, that's fine too. Happens all the time! In that case, let us feel you out and take the lead. We'll probably pull several kinds of gowns for you to try on that run the gamut.

Now, two more things: your salon will most likely have a strapless bra for you to use, but do bring some shapewear with you if it's something you think you'll want to wear on the big day. If you plan on wearing heels, you may want to bring some with you so you can get a better idea of what the complete look will be. (Note: they don't need to be the actual shoes for the wedding, just around the same heel height.)

So, now you should have:

Your dress budget (dress and alterations)

A free appointment!

A Pinterest board or something like it

Shapewear if wanted

Heels of desired height if wanted

[thebridalstylist]

Gown Shopping 101: Fun With Budgets

The very first bit of planning you want to do when you get that ring is to figure out your wedding budget. You will need to have a good idea of how much you can spend, and traditionally, your attire should take somewhere around 10% of it. (That’s not a hard and fast rule; for some, the gown doesn’t matter, and for others, it’s the most important thing in the wedding.) 

Once you’ve got an idea of your budget and how much you want to spend, then it’s time to go get that gown! 

Do understand that your “attire” is composed of quite a few things. Mainly:

Your gown

Shapewear

Slips, like specialty ones for ballgowns

Any specialized bra you may need

Veil

Shoes

Jewelry

Headpiece

Alterations

Pay attention to that last one. Where I work, we have in-house alterations, and it’s generally anywhere from $100 - $500, depending on what’s needed. Just take some of that “attire” cost and make sure you have room for those alterations, if necessary. 

Do make an appointment; that makes certain that you get at least 60 minutes of one-on-one time with your own, dedicated stylist. Walking in is running the risk of hearing that all the stylists are busy at the moment, and nobody wants to get turned away.

Another important thing: appointments should be 100% free. If someone tries to make you put money down in order to get a bridal appointment, look elsewhere!

[thebridalstylist]

Gown shopping 101: Bringing the fiance (and other dudes)

When it comes to dress shopping, leave the fiance at home. Every once in a while, someone will bring their (male) partner with them, and it never, ever goes well. Every single time, the bride will have much different wants and needs than the fiance does, and every single time, the fiance tries really hard to push the bride towards what he wants, not what she wants.

I'm not saying I see knock-down, drag-out fights over it; more like a bit of a tug-of war, and stepping in to defuse the situation is a very tricky and delicate thing that's rarely possible. I'd probably say about 50% of the time, the bride leaves with a dress that she's only just "okay" with, and nobody wants dress regret.

This isn't about not seeing the bride before the wedding. You can always have a first look, and get some really amazing pics out of it! It's about the bride getting what they want without interference.

Also, when it comes to fiances, fathers of the bride/groom, grandfathers, bridesmaids' boyfriends/husbands... More often than not, they do not like being there at all. I have witnessed more times than I can count a bunch of guys looking uncomfortably down at their shoes until someone brings up college football.

It also clogs up the works. I work in a salon that is quite big, but given that salons have to squeeze in as many large fitting rooms as possible, that's a bunch of guys that don't really want to be there causing traffic jams.

When your fiance sees you on your wedding day, he'll absolutely love you and what you wear. Bringing him, or dad, or, or, or... just causes unnecessary stress and arguments.

(Note: I specify male partners, as I have not seen this happen with female and non-binary partners.)

[thebridalstylist]

Oh no! The mother of the groom/guest/whoever is planning on wearing white to my wedding!

Two words: let them.

Yep, you heard me right. Let 'em. Don't sweat it. Take a breath, have a glass of wine, and then don't give them one more thought.

Here's why...

I want you to picture yourself as a guest at a wedding. The couple is ridiculously happy, people are having a blast on the dance floor, and everyone looks lovely... Except OMG, seriously, the mother of the groom is wearing white??

You're focused on the mother being insanely tacky, aren't you? That reflects on the jerk in white, not on the bride.

So if someone really wants to show their ass like that in front of a bunch of people, let go and let 'em. Nobody will judge you; they'll shake their head at the sheer rudeness of it, and then they'll focus on having a great time with you.

[thebridalstylist]

Don't wear white.

Yup, you heard me. Now, let me explain what I mean.

There are now a million shades of white at bridal salons. The white I'm talking about is the super bright white that has no warmth to it and that only has the undertone of bright blue. Y'know, the white from that episode of Friends where Ross gets his teeth whitened WAY too much.

This color is a problem for a lot of people; it washes you out. At my bridal salon, it actually is a special order gown, which means it gets cut to order since it's rare that people buy it. And that means that it will take months longer for you to get. We only have one sample dress that's "Ross's teeth white", and we actively discourage buying that specific shade. We've seen a lot of dress regret with that shade.

If you want to see why I'm giving this warning yourself, go in to a bridal salon and ask to see three shades up against each other. Look at a Ross's teeth white. Then layer over that the shade they usually sell that's as close to it as possible (in my salon, it's "soft white", and it has only the tiniest warm undertone), then an ivory. It'll be easy to see why.

[thebridalstylist]

How not to treat your bridesmaids (and guests), in two images.

If you're going to require all this, which I estimate is probably somewhere around $4000, you should be prepared to pay for at least some of it. Especially for your 18 year old sister. And picking a bridesmaid gown that only goes up to size 10 when your sister's a 12 is just stupid. You should never try and force a bridesmaid to diet. And where I work, our dresses go up to a size 30, so it's not like there aren't a million size 12s out there.

Bridezilla here is in for a very rude awakening when she gets her RSVPs back and guests find out they have to shell out $150 plus a gift. Nobody's going to this wedding if they can get out of it. This wedding is also on a ski slope in December, because, y'know, that helps. /s She's also setting herself up for serious problems by making her bridesmaids do the planning without the input of the bride or groom.

This is your reminder that if you're being treated like this by a bride, remember that "no" is a complete sentence, and you don't need to explain yourself.