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okay discourse over we’ve settled it now

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first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line

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An offering from my cursed brain

Bouncing on it in a way that Angela Merkle would struggle to understand

Bouncing on it in a way that Rachel Reeves would approve of

Bouncing on it in a way that makes him think of pumpkin pie

Bouncing on it in a way that reminds him to de-grout the bathroom

Bouncing on it in a way that helps him understand long division

Bouncing on it in a way that sorts out the upcoming Dali Lama election

Bouncing on it in a way that makes him want to get his blood tested to check for a zinc deficiency

Bouncing on it in a way that makes her want to become a witch

Bouncing on it in a way that requires academic dispensatuon

Bouncing on it so I remember where I left my keys

Bouncing on it in a way that makes her want to move to Macclesfield

Bouncing on it in a way that makes her celebrate the death of trump

Bouncing on it in a way that honours the death of Thatcher

Bouncing on it in a way that makes her reconsider Lady Gaga's Artpop

Bouncing on it in a way that disrupts the migration of starlings

Bouncing on it in a way that makes her reconsider the ending of The Sopranos

Bouncing on it in a way that reminds her to buy cayenne pepper

Bouncing on it in a way that would impress their maths teacher

Bouncing on it in a way that requires peer review

Bouncing on it to cure cancer

Bouncing on it in a way that reminds them to check if the bus prices are going to change

Bouncing on it in a way that makes them want to learn the samba

Bouncing on it in a way that cures their lactose intolerance

Bouncing on it in a way that makes them want to use the chest press at the gym

Bouncing on it for UN regulations

Bouncing on it in a way that helps them understand the impact of space travel on bone density

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Reblogging because 1. This is important and 2. I like the idea that Tony Soprano just stands at the edge of New Jersey, welcoming trans people and protecting them

An ally

hello again (bill clinton limewire voice) my fellow americans

There are a few states that actually have Shield/Refuge laws designed to help trans people fleeing from trans-unsafe states, which also guarantee trans folks access to healthcare. These states are:

California

Colorado

Illinois

Oregon

Vermont

Washington

Minnesota

New Mexico

Maine

Massachusetts

Rhode Island

Connecticut

Washington D.C.

Additionally, some states have "trans sanctuary" executive orders signifying safety for trans folks seeking healthcare. These states are:

Maryland

New Jersey

New York

Living as a resident in these states means you are protected by state's rights and state government to continue or begin receiving trans healthcare. These laws have been codified in their states so everything has been a-ok'd by their state governments.

Stay alive. You got this. I love you.

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Someone i went to uni with just posted about how cringy it is to be a grown up and enjoy bonfire night as if they're not a fucking Disney adult

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I've never managed to finish The Great Gatsby, partially because I have almost no context for it. I'm not familiar with things which the intended, contemporary audience would automatically know.

For example, in the scene where Nick first goes for dinner with Tom, Daisy and Josephine, everyone talks in an absolutely ridiculous way. I can't tell if it's because they're not characters but representations of ideas (Daisy as the American dream, Tom as government, Nick as a satirist) or because they're all absolutely wankered/high as balls.

If anyone has thoughts/answers, lmk!

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In season 3 of The Sopranos, Carmella meets Tony's mistress, Gloria. Carmella doesn't know that Gloria is sleeping with Tony, they have a nice chat and Carmella moves on.

It got me thinking, though. While I wouldn't ever date a married man, if I did, I'd be soooo curious so meet his wife. We know Tony's had mistresses before, so is Carmella just used to beautiful young women coming up to her, knowing slightly more than then should about her family, and then leaving? A kind of 🙈🙉🙊 situation?

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Oh this? This is fascinating

There's two wolves inside my head.

One says that gay sex with Ned would have fixed Robert.

The other one says that if Robert had found out he liked men, he would cheat with double the people than before.

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Pretty Little Liars really fucked up when they tried to redeem Ali. They had a chilling, psychotic bitch and made her soooo boring. Let her be a villan. Teenage girls are terrifying, can we just cherish that?

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Andy Zaltzman is grown-up James Acaster

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A few weeks ago Tumblr lost its mind because Charles Dickens nicknamed his son Plorn. Which is reasonable. However, I am simply not a chill person, so I looked into it, and Charles nicknamed his daughter Catherine "Lucifer Box".

To be fair to her, Charles left her mother (also called Catherine) and attempted to have her institutionalised. He then had an affair with a woman named Ellen Ternan, and got Catherine fired from her job so that Ellen could have it instead.

So yeah. I get why Catherine was really fucking angry.

Anyway, she lived to the age of 89 and had two husbands, both named Charles.

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God i miss being a bitch. I wish I could get the catharsis of telling people they've hurt my feelings or they're being a cunt. I spend so much time lying.

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The most i liked the cast of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives was when they all went to that paint rage room

All I am saying is that I think the DCC should be sent off to live in the woods for a week. No heels, no extensions, no lip gloss, just a week of mud and building camps and normal bodily functions. Give them some vibrators, too. They have to be so perfect and positive all the time. I want them to resurrect that ancient Greek custom where young women were sent off and told to pretend to be bears. Let them say "fuck". Let them growl. Let them be deeply, authentically weird

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The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is fascinating because it's about 75% the most trivial bullshit you'll ever see and 25% feminine psychological horror that chills my bones and makes me vomit radioactive goo

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Might be controversial but I wouldn't want my spouse (of any gender) to go to a strip club/Chippendales and rub oil on the dancers or have their hands on the dancers' arses. And I wouldn't want to do that with my friends, either. I'll party and drink and dance with my friends, and have a good time, but that's all.

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Yeah yeah it's annoying to scroll past the chef's life story on a recipe blog, but have you considered: 10+ minute intros to podcasts