thebadtimeskid

[thebadtimeskid]

and what if I told you nine was less afraid of love than ten. what then.

[thebadtimeskid]

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Try this new dance challenge! Post your glow-up! Get Ready With Me!

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[thebadtimeskid]

Hi. Here is every food and drink Steely Dan have ever mentioned in a song. Enjoy

[thebadtimeskid]

Did you guys ever see the car that got into an accident with a truck carrying hagfish

Can you even imagine being this person. Imagine you call your insurance and tell them you got in an accident. They ask what happened and you have to tell them your car got fucking hagfished

[thebadtimeskid]

i'm the guy who writes the books that the protagonist in supernatural horror movies frantically reads somewhere in act ii. job's pretty easy. lot of "legends of vampires have recurred all throughout human history" and "demonologists agree that the quickest way to un-summon a demon is to trap it in a cursed object". no citations of course; they don't pay me citation money. i had to learn html back in the early aughts when everyone started seeking their supernatural info on websites they found via top search engines like FINDLER and WEBSIGHT but that's died down now which is great because i didn't have it in me to pick up css. currently working on a new book about horses that are evil. it's called HORSES THAT ARE EVIL in all caps so the protagonist can find it quickly to yank off the library shelf. it will be published 35 years ago.

[thebadtimeskid]

i appreciate that i saw both of these on my dash within about five posts of each other. we’re gonna need both moods going forward, tbh.

[thebadtimeskid]

me: *trying to take my socks off but they keep getting stuck on my heel* oh fuck. goddamnit.

the extractor fan in a bathroom in Norway that has an intrinsic link to my spirit: *momentarily whirs louder*

[thebadtimeskid]

When I was in kindergarten I saw a painting of the American Revolutionary War. I asked my mom, “Who were the good guys and who were the bad guys?” And she said, “That’s not really how war works. It’s not like a TV show. Both sides thought they were right, otherwise they wouldn’t have been fighting.” And my seven year old ass went “Oh ok”

Anyway having internalized that fun fact in literally kindergarten? It surprises me how many college-educated adults still don’t seem to know about it.

[thebadtimeskid]

your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

[thebadtimeskid]

You can tell a lot about the health of a civilization by their warning signs. Places with a lot of dumb folks will have very broad, very dumb warnings in public. "No feeding the birds." "Stop swimming in this drainage pond." That kind of thing.

Advanced civilizations have very precise signs. They've covered the bases of their regular, run-of-the-mill idiots, and now they're working hard to cover that other end of the bell curve: the talented idiot. When I was in Germany last time, there was a big warning sign that consisted of a 76-letter-long word that means "stop bothering this particular goose, Sven." I don't know who Sven was, but the goose looked pretty calm. It worked.

Now, I have a secret to tell you. You can just make your own signs. There's no law against it, except perhaps "littering," and the municipal sign factory doesn't have very good security. If you show up there past close and put in the door code that you shoulder-surfed off one of the employees returning from lunch a week prior, you have all night to fuck around with their sign-printing machine, making the most official-looking placards you can think of.

Is this wrong? I don't think so. It's a public space, and being able to put up an aluminum sign that says wacky crank shit is your right. For instance, just last week, I banned pickup trucks from parking by the playground. The cops figured out something was going on, because they didn't get any calls for toddlers getting backed over for a couple of days and sent a patrol truck to investigate. Took my sign right down.

What I discovered after that is that nobody keeps records of what signs are supposed to be there. Why would anyone put up a sign for no reason? They cost money, after all. The city is now suing the shit out of that officer for stealing the "no trucks" sign, thanks to an anonymous tipster who called in the theft. Guy wearing a reflective vest came by and put like four more of them up after the lawsuit made the news, just out of spite. I'm not entirely sure if he's actually a city worker; we ran into each other at 3am at the sign factory and just grunted. He was working on some really crazy signs about not feeding a particular swan. Probably German.

[thebadtimeskid]

Cnetizens: If we get married and have two kids, and there are eight cake rolls in one box, how do we split them?

A full-time housewife posted a video on douyin about her husband's reaction to her eating two cake rolls in one box of swiss rolls. Cnetizens got furious after watching the video and felt that's ridiculous. So girlfriends and wives went and asked their boyfriends and husbands the question lmao.

(*Swiss rolls refer to the popular creamy roll cakes and it didn't seem to originate in Switzerland, more like it should have originated in Austria or Hungary? The term came over from tokyo anyway and that's what people used to call it)

[thebadtimeskid]

[thebadtimeskid]

[thebadtimeskid]

at the doctor being shown a chart with different types of man-made horrors on them while the doctor asks whether each of them is beyond or within my comprehension

[thebadtimeskid]

[thebadtimeskid]

picture this: u are high rollin at the craps table, youve had a few drinks, gettin a little crazy, the juice is loose, & just when the excitement is at its peak, u toss those bad boys, both dice start leaking a viscous fluid. thats the rare double slimes babey, & youve just won a million fucking dollars

[thebadtimeskid]

was trying to source this image and found a beautiful word