thearbiteronline

[thearbiteronline]

News heels for new adventures 🤗 📸: @kato_cato Follow @thearbiteronline on IG for more pictures. #fashion #style #styleblogger #heels #highheels #heelsaddict #fashionblogger #styleforwomen #women #girl #mules #blackgirlswhoblog #blackgirlmagic #fashionbombdaily #summer #fringe #blackgirl #blogger #sotd

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One with the art. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #ootd #ootdfashion #styleblogger #style #fashion #fashionblogger #fashiondiaries #blackgirlswhoblog #blackgirlmagic #summer #dc #dmv #dcfashion #dcfashionblogger #art #woman #girl (at Washington, District of Columbia)

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at Hirshhorn Museum and Sculpture Garden

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don’t hurt yourself.

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Black Men Don’t Want Black Women To Choose Better

Hey Black Women.

If you are a Black woman who has ever had a failed relationship with a Black man whether it was because of him being physically abusive, verbally abusive, or just generally unfit for a relationship then I am sure you have heard the same slogan from unsympathetic Black men who will tell you to stop complaining about it and “choose better”.

The only pseudo “advice” that these men have to offer you consists of criticizing your ability to choose a decent Black male partner, which ultimately dismisses all accountability on behalf of that Black man who hurt you. Black men like to spew this same ridiculous story that Black women only choose “thugs” and reject “good guys”. Never mind the fact that incompetent Black men can come from many backgrounds.

The irony is Black men will tell you that you must choose better. However; they are not sincere. Here is why.

How often do you hear Black men complaining about Black women having standards? Very often.

They will call us gold diggers if we expect them to be financially responsible.

Black women do not even require Black men to be rich to be proper partners, as this is a classist society, understandably. But financially responsible meaning they should not be roaching off of Black women and refusing to contribute their share to an arrangement. Or at least they should support themselves instead of trying to suck Black women dry for money, a place to stay, food, a car, etc.

They tell us we should hold a Black man down no matter what he is going through or how he is treating us. They encourage us to accept the bare minimum from a Black man. They demand that we always give Black men second and third chances no matter how abusive or uninvested they are.

But then. . Once a Black woman begins to complain after being hurt by one of them, she is told by those SAME Black men to shut up, blame herself, and “choose better”.

The truth is that they really do not want you to choose better because then many of them would NOT qualify to be with you. What they want is a way to blame you for how their collective treats you and their overused line “Choose better” gives them the opportunity to do that.

So here is my advice for Black women who date men.

YOU DESERVE A MAN OR MEN IN YOUR LIFE WHO WILL MEET YOUR HIGH STANDARDS THAT YOU HAVE SET.

If you want to be treated with romance, affection, and ultimate respect…you can have that!

And here is the catch.

You aren’t obligated to limit yourself to any specific race, ethnicity, background, age demographic, culture, religion, or any type of men.

You do NOT owe that to any community.

Your autonomy is yours. Dating and otherwise.

This means you can date absolutely ANY man who makes you happy.

Get out and explore your options!

Black women are long overdue for doing this.

Go out and look beautiful because you’re freaking GORGEOUS, Black women.

Meet men of all kinds and qualify all of them. Don’t accept mistreatment from ANY man regardless of who he is because another man can always do you better.

Date a beautiful Black man or a handsome White man or an interesting Hispanic man or a fun Asian man. Date an older man with some seasoning to him or a younger man with some spontaneity to him. Date men of many different cultures and learn something new about their culture and let them embrace and learn your culture. Date a man who is an artist who can paint a picture of you or a man who is very sexual and can satisfy you in the bedroom.

Whatever you do, do NOT tolerate misogynoir, racism, or abuse from ANY man no matter what race, culture, or background he belongs to.

Yes that includes BLACK men, as Black men are guilty of spewing misogynoir against us just like any man can.

There is no superior race/culture/age demographic/background of men because toxic men come from all backgrounds.

BUT the key is to be open to an individual man who can be a perfect fit for YOU.

I’m wishing you the best of luck, Black women.

Don’t let men break you. You’re magnificent.

[thearbiteronline]

The Wedding Edit

Fashion bloggers make it look so easy. Their hair is always laid, face beat, and outfits fully accessorized. It oftentimes seems unattainable. I don’t just walk around looking snatched all the time. I have things to do! Am I right or am I basic???! If you’re anything like me, you’re probably left wondering: how do they do it? How do they have the time? Now that I’ve been through the process, I can say with full awareness that it take a tremendous amount of time, energy, and skill to properly execute a fully thought out outfit. I always thought I was doing a lil something before, but it’s true that blogging, or at least blogging well is a whole other thing entirely. Don’t get me wrong. I live for fashion and I’ve always had an eye for it. You can catch me on any given day perusing my unending collection of online shopping sites, but there’s one thing I’ve always struggled with…E X E C U T I O N. Not just in fashion, but in life. I've really got to hand it to bloggers because it takes a tremendous amount of time, energy, and skill to properly execute an outfit AND photograph it. I'm determined to figure this out, even if that means my first couple (more like several) posts are literally flaming, inconsistent pieces of trash. In the process, I may just come out on the other side of this as a better, more organized person (pray for me). Rather than focusing on how perfect things should be I’m going to put my energy towards what is so that my blogging and fashion execution improves. You have to start somewhere right? Why not the bottom? As I flail about trying to get looks together I aim to be fully transparent about what it takes to get there and document any foibles I have along the way so that you aren’t left wondering how I did it. Why? Because I’m tired of people acting like they woke and sprung out of bed with a Zimmerman maxi dress and Jimmy Choo sandals. With that I give you, the Wedding Edit.

Ever since I traversed the burning sands of my mid to late twenties, I’ve been invited to a lot of weddings. It’s a thing, I guess. I recently had the pleasure of attending a wedding in Orlando and it was formal so you know I was excited to dust off these old bones and put on something romantic and springy. All my line sisters and college mates would be there so it was the perfect opportunity to stunt. Right? Wrong!!! Of course, having months to prepare a dreamy fit means that I would become anxiety-ridden and procrastinate even though I have all the goods to give ‘em a thorough slay.

I ended up express shipping this delightful, plunging dress the week of from House of CB and copping a pair of understated sandals from Forever 21 (not ideal because I’m grown, but moving on). The color of the dress wasn’t exactly what I expected, but the pink looks great on my skin. My nails also matched perfectly! I didn’t have time to coordinate full exercise my right to accessories and my hair turned out���well you look at it and tell me! But, you have to crawl before you can run so there’s some potential here… Thanks to my little sister for the shots!

A few lessons learned.

Practice your poses and facial expressions. Before Awkward Black Girl, there was me. I am very camera shy and I’m also extremely awkward (which is ironic being that I want to blog my fashion photos) and while I think I’m gorg in person, my face doesn’t always transfer well on film. That makes it very important that I pause and look at my body and faces to make sure I always look good. Make sure you communicate with your photographer as the shoot progress to ensure that they pause and look at how the shots are looking so you don't continue to do awkward things if you have a tendency to do so.

Always have more accessories that you need. You can always tone it down by removing pieces,  but you can’t take off what you don’t have.

Hope you enjoyed this and decide to stick with me! There is so much in store!

With love,

The Arbiter

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Congratulations to Ryan Coogler and Ava DuVernay!

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https://instagram.com/p/Ben0R1jggYc/

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Kiersey Clemons for Galore Magazine: The Generation Glam Issue, November 2017

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Alia Shawkat photographed by Dan Doperalski for WWD magazine (2016).

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“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” -Michelangelo #meandmybentley

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Rita Ora  at Velocity On Set with Viacom Showcase in London 11/11/2017

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Zendaya attends Glamour’s 2017 Women of The Year Awards at Kings Theatre on November 13, 2017 in Brooklyn, New York.

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