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[the-xojungsooyul-blog]

201217 Christmas Shopping | SHINee’s JongHyun

Today,

my mom and I went to mall to shop clothes for the upcoming Christmas parties. I should be happy because it’s holiday season, but........I wasn’t. Once “ber months” & month of December came, I am usually happy because I can really feel the upcoming Christmas celebration. The parties, family get together, exchanging gifts, lots of feast, going to Tagaytay and enjoy the cold weather and the warm feeling of Christmas. But as my mom & I roam around in boutiques earlier, I can’t help but feel sad, empty and tear up out of no where. I remembered Jonghyun. I keep on remembering Jonghyun. 

[Monday] December 18, 2017; 7:30 PM KST (6:30 PM, PH Time)                         I remember turning off my phone around 6:15 PM or 6:20 PM because I was planning to finish a film in my laptop, but at exactly 6:30 PM, out of no where...I felt like getting my cellphone and opening my spazzing (kpop) Twitter account. There. Right after I clicked the Twitter app, I saw and read then and there, [BREAKING] SHINee’s Jonghyun reportedly dead. I was really shocked and surprised when I read the twitter caption, so at first, I don’t know how to internalize everything, but I didn’t believed it at first as I keep on scrolling on my Twitter timeline because that time, everyone we’re really shocked and gone crazy because it’s Jonghyun! of SHINee! Member of 1 (one) of the biggest Korean Male Group in Korea!!! As time goes on, there’s a lot of news released regarding Jonghyun’s death. Jonghyun was reportedly committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning. It was said that her older sister knew that his brother might commit suicide due to his sent final greeting at ktalk to his sister, so her noona (what young males call to older female in Korea) called the police around 4PM KST, but the police was too late to see Jonghyun alive and arrived at the scene at 6PM KST. Jonghyun was reportedly have depression. I’m not a SHAWOL that’s why I don’t know about this, but according to SHAWOLS (SHINee’s fandom name), Jonghyun was very open to his depression (mental illness) and tried his best to overcome the pain until his last breath. 

As soon as I knew the news, I can’t stop crying. I became so emotional because I know him. I’m not a SHAWOL, but I know Jonghyun. I’ve known him not just because he’s close with my girlies & babies, Girls’ Generation & Red Velvet, but I’ve known him because of his undeniably nice personality and his extraordinary talent. Because I’m seeing him often, I can’t believe that he’ve done this. That, he’s been in pain all along. Yesterday morning (December 19, 2017), Dear Cloud’s Nine posted Jonghyun’s final note. It was reported that Jonghyun already gave his final note 3 to 4 days before his concert “INSPIRED” last December 9-10. It hurts because it felt like he already planned all of this. :’( What hurts to me the most because everyone who knows him, his closest friends, his closest co-workers, and his closest colleagues are all the ones who are very deeply close to my heart. Girls’ Generation and Red Velvet are both in the same company, SM Entertainment (or known as SM TOWN), with JongHyun and his group, SHINee. It hurts that the ones I’m leaning on......are the ones who are breaking down right now because of grieving of a loss friend, family & colleague. Kpop, a place, a family, where I can find happiness and peace and a place where I can stay away from the hardships of reality is actually a reality of its own too. :((( It breaks my heart that the place I’m running to when I’m sad, at the moment......is now a place full of mourning and grieving.

Ever since Jonghyun died and a memory of Girls’ Generation and Red Velvet’s members crying [when they were entering Jonghyun’s funeral hall] makes my heart shatter and makes me cry out of no where, in any places. It’s Christmas Season, it’s Holiday Season; I’m happy, thankful and blessed that I’m with my family and relatives celebrating Christmas, but it seems that......I can’t feel the spirit of it as of the moment. 

[the-xojungsooyul-blog]

December 20, 2017; 10:38 PM

Today marks my first post here on Tumblr. I’ve made this account a long time ago, but because of what happened to SHINee’s Jonghyun, I suddenly felt like.....I want to open this blog to share what I feel starting today and the coming days. Another reason why I opened my blog is because of Kim Jonghyun.