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Girls only want one thing and it’s fucking disgusting (the official LOTR Rivendell Lego set)

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“When are you going back to school when are you going to get serious about your career” have you considered that maybe I’m just killing time waiting for the man who stole my seal coat to die so I can finally resume my life and return to the sea from which I was stolen?? No you only ever think of yourself

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you actually don't have to go on dating apps to find girlfriends. many beautiful women are waiting for you on rocks out at sea

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A conversation I’ve had at least six times this month:

Them: “So are you dressing up for Halloween?”

Me: “Yeah I’m gonna be Mothman”

Them: “Oh like… a sexy mothman?”

Me: “Mothman is already sexy??”

Them: *uncomfortable silence*

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ill figure it out <- common utterance of a girl who is completely fucked

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“kill them with kindness” Wrong. CURSE OF RA 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥 𓀦 𓀧 𓀨 𓀩 𓀪 𓀫 𓀬 𓀭 𓀮 𓀯 𓀰 𓀱 𓀲 𓀳 𓀴 𓀵 𓀶 𓀷 𓀸 𓀹 𓀺 𓀻 𓀼 𓀽 𓀾 𓀿 𓁀 𓁁 𓁂 𓁃 𓁄 𓁅 𓁆 𓁇 𓁈 𓁉 𓁊 𓁋 𓁌 𓁍 𓁎 𓁏 𓁐 𓁑 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆

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whats lovebombing it sounds Nice

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Much like my fashion idol Blackbeard, I just lit my hair on fire (was lighting a cigarette and forgot I had bangs)

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Doing white girl shit (looking for my lost boyfriend in a Trader Joe’s)

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Love playing chess with my definitely human boyfriend whom I love very much

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Hozier’s Unknown is to The Lesbians what Lemonade was to The Gays

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Sorry I’m late I couldn’t find my Edgar Allen Poe socks

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“i’ll kill you.” are we about to kiss 

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Softly filtered dead wife in movie montage but of the sandwich I had one time and can't stop thinking about

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you ever flirt with somebody and they flirt back. and you’re like. oh for fucks sake. you were designed in a lab to kill me.

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