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[the-cooler-king-finnigan]

By Doug Sneyd, in Playboy magazine (February 2005).

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people really just walk into horror movies and expect them not to deal with uncomfortable things despite the genre being dedicated to discomfort.

i saw so many people complain that lisa frankenstein, a movie where one of the leads is famously a rotting corpse, was too gross for them. when i walked out of nosferatu, i heard people say that the nudity was uncalled for... in a vampire film. nudity? in MY gothic horror?! unheard of!

a LOT of people really need to accept that maybe some genres just aren't to their taste, idk. not every movie needs to be cookie-cutter clean. sexuality is a staple of gothic horror, if not the wider genre horror in General. you don't need to enjoy it, but it doesn't make these things uncalled for.

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The zoo in my hometown posted this picture of one of their cheetah cubs and I'm obsessed

HIS NAME IS YAM ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDINF ME

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AI defenders will make it seem as if art is this gatekept pastime that only the most elite can partake in and they’re making it possible for the “normies” to create meanwhile one of the most memorable pieces of recent art I’ve ever seen is “My son’s drawing of safe”

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So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

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Cake i made today that looks like an amnesiacs distant memory

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hey. don't cry. I went to Mad At You island and none of your friends were there :)

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I also think that all the "um okay knives out & glass onion were good. Wrap it up now" posts are so funny. You're tripping if you think there's not going to be at least five Benoit Blanc films lol

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thinking about that one wordless calvin and hobbes sunday strip thats just calvins dad ditching his work to go play in the snow... its going to make me cry

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can anyone find me that mesopotamian clay tablet telling you to marry a party girl because she'll bring you joy

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We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

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where the fuck did the phrase ‘fits like a glove’ come from. ive never worn a glove that fit perfectly in my entire life.

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I think any marriage needs its running jokes, ones that you can repeat with variations, or make callbacks too.

One of my favorite bits is describing the romcoms I watch to my wife as though I have never heard of a narrative in my life.

"She runs a small plane company, and he's from a major airline trying to shut her down, so it's really anyone's guess what's going to happen."

"Get this, he's a stuffy office dork and she's a free spirit, and they end up stuck in the same cabin on a cruise. Sounds like a disaster, right?"

"They've decided to pair up and be each other's plus one at a series of weddings to feel less pathetic, but it's not like they like each other or anything."

So I told my wife that I hoped she would still enjoy me doing this bit forty years from now, and she smiled and held my hand and said that she'd never liked it, not even the first time.

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I'm siiiiick :((

aaaarrruuuggh......... :'<

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highly recommend keeping a small portrait of a historical figure who met a grisly end on your work desk. for perspective.