the--pretty--zombie

[the--pretty--zombie]

Help me choose?

[the--pretty--zombie]

Help me choose?

[the--pretty--zombie]

So apparently my legs have turned into noodles. I need to get myself together.

[the--pretty--zombie]

How long does the physical ache after a break up last? I feel horrible. Honestly though, I know it's for the best. I know that his wanting me to walk better was actually his need to turn me into a "normal" person or try to. Fellow disabled folks- how do you avoid this crap in relationships?

Excuse all the highlighted areas, but my worth as a human being should not be based off of if I'm walking "normally" this is a conversation between B and myself that actually still bothers me. How could I only passively stand up for myself? What if I failed at walking better? What if I needed another surgery? What if I got to a point where I could no longer walk?

None of that makes me any less of a person. None of that should make me less deserving of love, of sexy time, or of friendship or really anything.

I know that I'm better off without this to deal with, but why couldn't I realize that sooner.

[the--pretty--zombie]

My boyfriend and I broke up. I'm pretty sure it's for the best.

[the--pretty--zombie]

91.2LBS

I weighted myself today and the number looking back at me was sickening.

91.2LBS

That's the lowest that I've been in a long time. I feel like I've fallen back into my eating disorder without realizing it- depression at one point in my life took away my will to eat. How do I gain weight when I'm allergic to most carbs? I need to start meal prepping so that I'll eat.

All I can do right now is apologize to my body.

Tell me you favorite meals. Bonus if they dont include gluten.

[the--pretty--zombie]

I stretched my back out today. That's the most I've worked out in a long time. I need to start putting myself first, being in a relationship with honey bee is teaching me that at first. Seriously, I kept thinking he was full of shit because he cared too much. Reality is: if I cared about myself the way he cares about me I'd feel so much better both mentally and physically. So I took the time to stretch the part of me that hurts the most and in turn I realized so much.

In other news my mom's dad died yesterday. I'm not close to my mom and I only met her dad a handful of times... she was close to him though. I don't know how I feel about all of that. I value human life and even though I didn't really know him I feel this odd sadness.

[the--pretty--zombie]

My boyfriend is something else y'all. This man has much bigger worries and things going on right now, yet he still manages to be my biggest supporter. I love him so much.

I need to get a real work out in, not a half assed attempt at one where I give up half way through.

[the--pretty--zombie]

Olay I need some help. I need some tips on how to get enough water in. I have an infuser bottle with a ulla light reminder. That works fine for maybe 2 weeks and then I'm back to no water until my kidneys hurt.

Any tips for making sure I stay hydrated? I really would love to be able to stay hydrated.

[the--pretty--zombie]

Today my anxiety has been wondering if he still loves me. Deployment sucks.

[the--pretty--zombie]

I'm the first part of this today- When all the dusty anxious thoughts start to close me in.

[the--pretty--zombie]

[the--pretty--zombie]

Truth.

[the--pretty--zombie]

[the--pretty--zombie]

[the--pretty--zombie]

[the--pretty--zombie]

i like being alone but i want someone to be alone with, if that makes sense