thatsarcasticladyinjapan

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

No one ever told me that parenting would mean sharing more than half of my mint ice cream with a very insistent demon child because they're so very polite about it and I'm supposed to reinforce good behavior. Some bullshit.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

I fucking love Japanese old people. Yes, give me vegetables. Yes, steal my children and give them snacks. Yes, give my husband relationship advice. You're the fucking best.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Hey look, it's how I got my spouse to fall in love with me! (The sea creatures in question were five species of salmon, but I digress.)

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

It's nice to live somewhere where my hoard of children trespass into the middle of some old guy's garden, and the worst he does is give them free range of a whole section and send them home with a bunch of flowers and fresh herbs. Instead of, you know, shooting them or whatever. (Looking at you, USA.)

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Apparently I'm horrible and mean because I require that the 6-year-old put on pants.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Me: "Do you need new colored pencils this year?"

8yo who draws prolifically: "No."

Her pencil case:

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Final games of a volleyball tournament (all genders - mixed, all boys, all girls). Watching an all-girls team beat an all-boys team and thinking thoughts.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Spouse: Why are American athletes always chewing???

Me: Oh, they're chewing gum.

Spouse: ... Why?

I don't know the answers to these deep questions.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Not me over here giving two shits about baseball but totally gloating about Japan beating the US to win the World Baseball Classic.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

To 8yo: "Well, the equinoxes aren't national holidays in a lot of other countries."

8yo: ... ... ... "That's stupid. Why not?"

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

I love that I live in a country where I can peruse the dessert cheese section and buy stuff like chocolate cheese with dried berries inside. Then go to the drink aisle and get some low-alcohol canned cocktails to have with it.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Explaining Daylight Savings to the spouse.

Them: "Isn't that too stupid??? They want more light, so they change the time? EVERY YEAR? Why? Are they children?"

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Ah, Japanese spring. The only March I've never hated.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

[Image description Tweet from Oritart "Star Trek is so woke now that if they remade deep space 9 the captain would be black, the first officer would be a woman, they'd have two trans people, and they'd paint a hardworking businessman as a greedy moralless capitalist"] Source

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Tragedy has struck. In my rush at the store, I accidentally bought the Calbee chips in regular salt flavor instead of consomme. Opened them up without even looking and had the worst surprise ever.

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Why isn't there a workout class that's just doing routines from popular Bollywood movies? Like. That shit is awesome, the music is great, and it works all the muscles, come on!

[thatsarcasticladyinjapan]

Just watching the televised snowball fight championships. No biggie.