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Crop top that says "i love biting" paired with booty shorts that say "i love biting" paired with a baseball cap that says "i love biting" paired with long socks that each say "i love biting" paired with some flip flops

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taking away a clowngirl's makeup telling her she doesn't have to be a clown she can just be a normal silly billy and correcting her any time she tries to juggle until she gets sadder and sadder and eventually stops talking altogether and just communicating via gestures and realizing with horror you've created a mimegirl

[thantophobicrat]

hey girl, are you (be cool and edgy) a gun (but not too edgy!) because you're pretty (great job, you've fucked this up already no going back) and i want you in my mouth? (say something british now, that never fails) tally-ho!

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maybe if we torture this kid harder our lives will get even more awesome

[thantophobicrat]

pro insider tips for black friday from a retail worker

stay home

stay home

stay home

stay home

stay home

stay home

stay home

dont even think about going to a store

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The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!

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It sucks that there's only 20 minutes in each day. If there was more than that I would get more stuff done I'm sure

[thantophobicrat]

the beautiful original post by @garaks-padded-bra can be found here, with additions from @acrowbyanyothername, @starfleetshrimps, @imhaley, @ronzyponyo, @funnywormz, @deepestturtlepielover, @willowandthesagaofgayyearning, @summer-azure, and @spacetronomyfan

(as always, omagpies stuff drops on Patreon @/magpiecrown one month in advance, and there’s already a hefty backlog awaiting everyone 💗)

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being friends w systems is nuts cuz youll have a guy in the friend group that goes away for a bit and comes back like "i got out of the nightmare loop" or "sorry i was gone i got put in the torment nexus" and its not even an exaggeration they really were in the nightmare loop or the torment nexus for a week and are forced to be normal about it

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kids get me outta here im stuck in a fake png

[thantophobicrat]

i am going to *remembers suicide jokes are detrimental to my mental health and relationships* make it through this year if it kills me

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“I always remember having this fight with a random dude who claimed that ‘straight white men’ were the only true innovators. His prime example for this was the computer… the computer… THE COMPUTER!!! THE COM-PU-TER!!!

Alan Turing - Gay man and ‘father of computing’ Wren operating Bombe - The code cracking computers of the 2nd world war were entirely run by women Katherine Johnson - African American NASA mathematician and ‘Human computer’ Ada Lovelace - arguably the 1st computer programmer”

- Sacha Coward

Also Margaret Hamilton - NASA computer scientist who put the first man on the moon - an as-yet-unmatched feet of software engineering, here pictured beside the full source of that computer programme. #myhero

Grace Hopper - the woman that coined the term “bug”  

- @robinlayfield

[thantophobicrat]

Fucked up that you have to go to work during the winter. Should be curled up in a little nest with several months' supply of food stocked up right now.