th3-oracl3 - Tumblr blog

[th3-oracl3]

BOY AM I GLAD I HAD THAT PROPH3TIC VISION IN MY SL33P 3XPLAINING 3V3RYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON, INCLUDING TH3 DOPP3LGANG3R ACT! OTH3RWIS3 I WOULD'V3 IMM3DIAT3LY KILL3D YOU FOR WHAT YOU SAID TO MY WIF3!

F33LS GR3AT WH3N TH3 GIMMICK ACTUALLY MATT3RS! ANYWAY, BY3 B3STI3!

[Oracl3 fucks off.]

Percentile.

[It feels too quiet. You get the sense that the Percentile you're talking to is the only one in the whole lab.]

Who's there? What do you want?

[th3-oracl3]

[Oracl3 breaks through the wall Doctor Percentile kept looking at. He is carrying the Demicolon in a wagon behind him.]

Y3AH, WHAT IF SOM3 PRICK FINDS WH3R3 YOU W3R3 HIDING TH3 DAMN THING AND TH3N

[He pulls out a hammer]

DID THIS?

[He swings the hammer towards the Demicolon.]

Percentile.

[It feels too quiet. You get the sense that the Percentile you're talking to is the only one in the whole lab.]

Who's there? What do you want?

[th3-oracl3]

[viewers, pretend this was sent anoymously]

HOW TH3 FUCK WOULD I KNOW? I TRY NOT TO TORTUR3 MYS3LF WITH THAT INFORMATION. WHAT TH3 FUCK AR3 YOU

[th3-oracl3]

"Why did they say it like that"

I'M GOING TO FIND YOU, DOC! YOU WON'T LIK3 M3 WH3N MY HOT WIF3 IS 3V3N SLIGHTLY CRITICIZ3D!

[At the Insectum Festival, Oracl3 is going around to every stand muttering his opinions on it under his breath, very loudly. so far the only two unique opinions he's given are "ALRIGHT, COOL" or "I'V3 S33N B3TT3R." Jane is trying to find all the fortune tellers to them that her husband is better.]

[Suddenly, Oracl3 sees a familiar face.]

GASP! P3R3C3NTIL3, YOU'R3 BACK!

[th3-oracl3]

WORKS FOR M3! L3T'S GO FROLICKING! WH33333333

[Oracl3 drags Percentile around until they meet back up with Jane]

HI JAN3 THIS IS DOCTOR P3RC3NTIL3 MY B3ST FRI3ND

"Nice to meet you! Do you like my make-up? I brought out this decorative substitute eye I've apparently had in one of my folders, and Oracl3 helped me apply some Color to it all. What do you think?"

[At the Insectum Festival, Oracl3 is going around to every stand muttering his opinions on it under his breath, very loudly. so far the only two unique opinions he's given are "ALRIGHT, COOL" or "I'V3 S33N B3TT3R." Jane is trying to find all the fortune tellers to them that her husband is better.]

[Suddenly, Oracl3 sees a familiar face.]

GASP! P3R3C3NTIL3, YOU'R3 BACK!

[th3-oracl3]

Y3AH MY HOT WIF3 JAN3. I M3T H3R WH3N I FOLLOW3D TH3 PROF3SS INTO TH3 SWAP!V3RS3. HOW'S SH3 DOING, ANYWAY?

[At the Insectum Festival, Oracl3 is going around to every stand muttering his opinions on it under his breath, very loudly. so far the only two unique opinions he's given are "ALRIGHT, COOL" or "I'V3 S33N B3TT3R." Jane is trying to find all the fortune tellers to them that her husband is better.]

[Suddenly, Oracl3 sees a familiar face.]

GASP! P3R3C3NTIL3, YOU'R3 BACK!

[th3-oracl3]

while those two are away ive released a ghost who really likes cleaning into their house

[what]

[th3-oracl3]

...TH3R3'S SOM3THING OFF ABOUT HOW YOU SAID THAT. AH W3LL YOU WANNA FROLIC ABOUT THIS F3STIVAL UNTIL W3 FIND WH3R3 MY WIF3- H3Y R3MIND M3 HAV3 YOU S33N MY WIF3 Y3T

[At the Insectum Festival, Oracl3 is going around to every stand muttering his opinions on it under his breath, very loudly. so far the only two unique opinions he's given are "ALRIGHT, COOL" or "I'V3 S33N B3TT3R." Jane is trying to find all the fortune tellers to them that her husband is better.]

[Suddenly, Oracl3 sees a familiar face.]

GASP! P3R3C3NTIL3, YOU'R3 BACK!

[th3-oracl3]

[At the Insectum Festival, Oracl3 is going around to every stand muttering his opinions on it under his breath, very loudly. so far the only two unique opinions he's given are "ALRIGHT, COOL" or "I'V3 S33N B3TT3R." Jane is trying to find all the fortune tellers to them that her husband is better.]

[Suddenly, Oracl3 sees a familiar face.]

GASP! P3R3C3NTIL3, YOU'R3 BACK!

[th3-oracl3]

lalalala i am a mouse in the floorboards oooooo do i love eating the foodses and money

G3T TH3 FUCK OUT OF TH3R3

[Oracl3 summons a giant spear and begins stabbing at the floorboards]

[th3-oracl3]

OH H3'S GONNA RUL3 TH3 DAY H3-

"Rue."

WHAT

"The phrase is 'rue the day', not 'rule the day.'"

...WHAT WAS I SAYING? ANYWAY NOW TO G3T SOM3 SUCK3RS FOR A BAD OLD GAM3 OF DUMB STUPID CARDS!

[th3-oracl3]

SOUNDS GOOD! YOU KNOW WH3R3 TO FIND M3!

[He leaves.]

I N33D YOUR H3LP TO MURD3R SOM3ON3. A PLAY3R.

@th3-oracl3

"Damn. So you were all lying to me when you said murder was bad. Okay. Fine. Whatever." "Step into my office."

"A player, you say? That's my target demographic. What's in for me?"

[th3-oracl3]

HIS NAM3'S TH3 GAMBLR, H3 SP3AKS WITH A LOT OF WORDS STARTING WITH G, H3'S GR33N, H3 CARRI3S A DI3 AROUND, H3 SUCKS, I HAT3 HIM, AND-

[he goes on and on about how much the Gambler sucks.]

I N33D YOUR H3LP TO MURD3R SOM3ON3. A PLAY3R.

@th3-oracl3

"Damn. So you were all lying to me when you said murder was bad. Okay. Fine. Whatever." "Step into my office."

"A player, you say? That's my target demographic. What's in for me?"

[th3-oracl3]

THIS ASSHOL3 I WANT D3AD WOULDN'T PAY FOR IT 3V3N WITH INGAM3 CURR3NCY. H3'D JUST CH3AT HIS WAY INTO G3TTING IT THROUGH SOM3 BULLSHIT LUCK MAGIC.

I N33D YOUR H3LP TO MURD3R SOM3ON3. A PLAY3R.

@th3-oracl3

"Damn. So you were all lying to me when you said murder was bad. Okay. Fine. Whatever." "Step into my office."

"A player, you say? That's my target demographic. What's in for me?"

[th3-oracl3]

FROM WHAT I'V3 GATH3R3D ABOUT YOU TH3 THING THAT'S IN IT FOR YOU IS COMMITING MURD3R

I N33D YOUR H3LP TO MURD3R SOM3ON3. A PLAY3R.

@th3-oracl3

"Damn. So you were all lying to me when you said murder was bad. Okay. Fine. Whatever." "Step into my office."

"A player, you say? That's my target demographic. What's in for me?"

[th3-oracl3]

[The being scurries out the door, pausing at the sight of the surroundings.]

Woah.. neat.

[After a quick look around, they're off for real.]

AND STAY OUT

"Thanks for visiting! Okay, so my recreation of the dice appear to be far too prone to landing on their corners or edges. The borders appear to have been dulled that too far. They need to be sharpened."

[th3-oracl3]

Yeah, I guess. Oh-

[The portal flickers some more before closing.]

Welp, there it goes. Anyway I should probably leave, I'll see if I can find someone who knows this universe's ID so that you can visit my home sometime if you want!

"Thank you! It was nice... nice... what did they do here exactly"

AH, FUCK IF I KNOW