tennisjock11

[tennisjock11]

Never Give Up!

I can’t believe we are already in a new year and a new decade! 2020 was the year that positive things would go my way but I never realized that it would happen so quickly. After being at my current job for almost two years, I will be working as a Remarketing Analyst for a company called Westlake Financial Services in Los Angeles!! I am truly blessed to be offered an opportunity to work for a company that has good benefits and an opportunity to grow deeper in my relationship with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. We have talked about this for almost two years and for this to finally happen is amazing!! I truly am grateful for all that I have learned at Performant and all the opportunities that I have been given. In addition, I am happy that my job has been flexible to allow me to change my work schedule once a month to be able to fly down to Los Angeles and spend time with my girlfriend. I will definitely not be taking this opportunity for granted and I will be making the most out of it. It truly is only up from here. My last day at Performant is January 24th and I will miss my old coworkers and I will be moving the following day (January 25th). Ironically, my first day at my new job is January 27th which is my 27th birthday. It cannot get any better than that as a birthday present for me! I thank God for this opportunity and I thank my girlfriend for sticking it through with me during this time and I want her to know that it was all worth it for me to get to where I am today. 

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Update.

It has been almost nine months since I have last written on here. 2018 was definitely an eventful year. I wish I could have made this update sooner. I completed so much in 2018: I was able to finish my last class and obtain my B.S. degree from the University of Oregon, I was able to finish off the year at the same company (I also passed my one year anniversary at my current job), I was able to start on a post bacc at UCLA Extension, I worked on my 401K to start saving on retirement, I got a promotion after a couple months, I was able to buy my wheels for my car, and last but not least, I was able to see my girlfriend every month. This past year was the best year I have had yet. However, it was also filled with regret. I have hurt the one that I love the most in an event where she was supposed to celebrate it in her sorority. I took out the bad day I was having on her and I genuinely didn’t mean to. In addition, I wanted to no longer have any past drama in my life. In the process, I realized that it is okay to leave some things the way they were left because they were never meant to be fixed. I don’t ever forget about the unintentional harm I inflicted on my girlfriend. For that, I am truly sorry. I do love her more than anything in this world and I hope she is safe. I don’t blame her for wanting to take a break from us. With that being said, I don’t know if I can go visit her because I have gone through these days of not talking more than once. It really gets harder for me every time. I don’t think I can brush it off as if it is nothing. My goals for this 2019 year include: complete my one year work experience, continue with my Business Analysis certificate classes, continue in my 401K, start investing in some stocks, and get a job offer as an Analyst in Los Angeles. I really hope that Lilian does well on her interview so she can get a new job with better benefits. I hope she has a great week at work. 

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Reflection.

It has been a while since the last time I wrote on here. In November of 2017 (about two months after the last time I wrote on here), I was laid off of Go Capital and it was devastating. I was applying to jobs and was at a low point in my life. It made it worse that I could still not go to LA to go see Lilian. She visited me in December and I enjoyed it but it did not help me overcome the feeling of failure. Before the start of 2018 came, I vowed to myself that 2018 would be my year. And I was not let down to say the least. I finally was given an interview for a position of QA Call Auditor for Performant and I liked the position since the two ladies interviewing me said it would deal with analytics which was what I wanted. I got offered the position to start on January 29 (two days after my birthday) and it was good since I had already started my last class to get my BS degree and I was determined to get at least an A- in that class. I put in the work for that class and I thought I was going to end up with a B but ended up with an A- since I did really good on the final project and final. I was so happy I finally finished to get my college degree and I earned it. Another goal I had put for myself is that I would go see Lilian once a month starting in March and while she did not believe me, I have seen her every month so far. I just need to buy five more flights so I can follow on my promise. A third promise I made is to finish paying off my NelNet loans by the end of the year and I only owe about a little over 5,000 on them now. I am on track to pay them off by November. I also promised to pay back my parents for my last class and I will have paid them back in total by the end of this week! I also wanted to start putting towards my 401K which I have been doing so far since I started working. I also am blessed that after four months my position title changed from QA Call Auditor to Call Audit Analyst. I have always wanted to be an analyst and I am officially one now! I am so excited for these next 365 days. My hopes are that I will be with the same company over a year and my current position for a little over a year, paid off my NelNet loans, started paying off my Navient loans, saved more in my 401K, started investing in stocks, bought my wheels for my car, and start getting ready to apply for jobs in LA and near that area and start looking for places to live. The Xi Epsilon chapter just got three new members as well which I am glad the chapter of SLB at Oregon is expanding! I will be writing more often on here as well as one of my goals for the rest of this year.

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I have been busy which is why this is a little late. I just finished the three classes I was enrolled in. This week ws hectic for sure. However, last Thursday my girl flew to visit me. I really appreciate all that she does. Even though the majority of the time was used to study, I enjoyed having my baby next to me and we helped each other stay focused. My girl finally met my parents and my parents really like her! My brother likes her as well. It was awesome having both my family and my girlfriend getting to know each other. It was super sad and I cried when I dropped off Lilian at the airport but it is for the best for our future together. Next year when we move in together it will be worth these small sacrifices. These pictures show a portion of our weekend together. We got to celebrate together for the first time in person our anniversary. We have been together for 5 months now and it has been truly amazing having her and watching our love grow.This week is finally over! I did a ten page paper on race and student success in education for Anthropology. I submitted my recording for my Music and I took my final for my Energy Economics class. On Monday I am going to be giving my letter of resignation with Go Capital. It has been an awesome opportunity but I need to find a better job with better pay. I thank everyone that has been there especially my family and my girlfriend! I am sitting here while my girl is taking a break from writing her paper and it is 12:51 AM. It is times like these that I realize how much I love her. The fact that she means so much I am willing to lose sleep for her in a heartbeat says a lot. She is the one that my heart beats for 24/7. I love snuggling with her, laughing with her, have her make fun of me, and just be  around her presence. I love you so much Lilian Carolina Martinez 4.8.2017 you mean the world to me! Muah <3

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It has been a little while since I have written on here. Quite a few things have happened since I last wrote on here. First of all, I no longer work at Best Buy. It was bitter sweet but I am glad to have had the opportunity to work there. However, I saw myself being better than working there. It was demoralizing on top of the fact that I was only working up to 20 hours and it was not meaningful. I applied to a finance company after the week in LA with Lilian and she was the main support and motivation I needed to take that risk and apply. I got the job and I have been with the company for a little over two months now and it has been rewarding to say the least. I feel I am doing more meaningful work now but this is a good stepping tone for me. I have also been with my girlfriend Lilian for almost three months now and it truly has been a rollercoaster of a ride for sure. Through it out, I have never felt so much love toward me and I truly am amazed by this girl. She truly is my other half. We have such a deep understanding of each other and she can sense if something is wrong with me before I even know it myself. We have also been discussing our plans of living close to each other after she graduates from UCLA next year. She plans to go to Maryland and we are both excited for this and we are even possibly thinking of living in the same apartment together. Life has been going up for me as of late and I am truly blessed with everything that has happened these past couple of months. In addition, the Sigma Lambda Beta entity at the University of Oregon is officially a chapter now!! UO is now the Xi Epsilon chapter of Sigma Lambda Beta and it is an awesome time for the chapter as it is growing and spreading more awareness. I am gld where I am now with my life and I hope a year from today it is only better! <3

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Last week I had the opportunity to fly to Westwood to spend a week with the person I have been talking to since October. The one who I started to develop feelings for and made me feel a way I have never felt before. We got to spend time and had such an amazing week. I got a tour of the UCLA campus, I got to go to the Santa Monica beach, I watched Beauty and the Beast and much more. This girl came into my life out of nowhere and literally stole my heart. Plus I recently found out she had been looking at my Tumblr for months now so now that I know that...... Hey baby LOL. I am glad to tell people that this is my girl and I really miss her already but I know we are in this together and that makes me happy. I can’t wait to see her next month for the banquet. Thank you babe for making me feel comfortable enough to be myself which I have never been able to do before. I saw you at your worst now and I still want you now and forever baby. I love your sassiness but I love more that you respect me as a person and would never put me down (even though you say I am chicken which you really love lol). Te quiero con todo mi corazon mi amor para siempre. You motivate me to be a better person babe and I can’t wait to see where this journey with you takes us. Te quiero Lilian Carolina Martinez!

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When I think positive, positive things happen. Today was a good day I talked to my Gamma babe (Lilian) until 4:30 this morning. She really worries me since she has panic seizues and she can’t breathe so I was up trying to calm her down and she felt better. She wanted me to be there so she could sleep peacefully and hopefully one day that becomes reality where I could go to sleep and wake up next to her everyday. I applied to some jobs today and I got a haircut finally. I also got to hang out with this girl Bryanna and walk around woodward park for a couple hours and tomorrow we will eat at Chipotle before I start work at 3 lol. Today was an overall good day to say the least.  

- ΣΛB UO Colony Founding Captain #1 Matthew “Chino” Rossete

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Where do I even begin? This girl right here is as real as can be. She is extremely stubborn. She can give me the hardest time of my life. We even have gone days not talking to each other. With all that being said, this girl makes me happy just talking to her. She has slowly opened up to me and I have gotten to know her little by little. I have never been tested to being this patient and learning what it is like to be there for a girl and actually get to know her. I met her back in October and things change. I lose people for good and things change. She has been awesome in that she has taught me to learn to care for a girl not for her physical appearance but for her personality: her soul and her being. She straight up told me she keeps crossing this line and feels that we will never be officially together but if someone really means something to you, you will be there no matter what. And after six days of not talking, we have been good again and I want to keep it that way. I know you don’t have Tumblr but Lilian thank you. Thank you for putting up how I shut down if you say something I don’t like. Thank you for making me crave you. And maybe right now is not the time for you to be in a relationship or maybe me too. However, having you there (even if it is to make fun of me) makes things better. Thank you for teaching me the difference between need and want. I learned I don’t need you but I choose to want you. It might sound harsh but me continuing to loving myself everyday is essential before I can have someone there as a partner or something more serious. Lilian you will always be my Gamma babe as well ΣΛΓ 💖 ΣΛB. I feel that all the lessons have gotten me to this point in my life where I won’t force this girl to do anything if she doesn’t want to. But if she continues to wanting in talking to me, I will make sure I am there for her. Lilian Carolina Martinez #97 Sassy Sigma Line & Founding Line- “Miranesa!” & Chino- #97 & #1 

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I remember this song so vividly like it was just yesterday. I had dedicated this song to someone I met last year and thought she deserved it. To be brutally honest, she was far from deserving it from me. I am glad to have cut ties with this girl Jennica. It is actually sad to think she still uses the purse I got her. No shame but it shows who she really is haha. I know I might sound like a hypocrite but I dedicate this song to an amazing girl that I have met and consider my favorite Gamma: Lilian Carolina Martinez aka Lils aka Badass Lils. I have told myself and still tell myself this to remind myself: don’t ask her out no matter what. I rather get to know her and her to know me too. I feel we have been close BUUUUT the difference between her and Jennica is I used heart emojis and heart eyed emojis and she has used them to me as well. She also called me her favorite Beta and has talked about me to her sorority sisters. That is a good sign. What I also lke about her is that she is real she makes fun of me in a good way. She gives me a hard time. At times, I feel I go all day making fun of her yet I feel she likes it and I do too. I learned from my past to not always be mushy and lovey dovey you want to balance it out. Make her miss you as well but make sure she is always smiling or happy before I sleep. Which I feel I have done so far. I want to thank my ex ex girlfriend Vanessa for that lesson she tried telling me. I can honestly say I am in a better place now and really mean it. I am glad Vanessa is happy with Jon she is an important person to me so her happiness is mine as well. :) I dedicate this song to Lils as I feel it suits how I feel toward her sometimes. I don’t want her to see this though because she will say I am mushy which I am not all the time...... Lol SLB x SLG  💜 💗

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New Day.

I am back. I am surprised with myself. Two days writing in a row. I am proud of myself. Today was a productive day. I got a call for another interview with an insurance company for tomorrow. I am stoked for that and I am still waiting to hear back from the other job I had an interview for last Friday. I should hear back from them tomorrow. I will also go eat with this girl at Chilli’s at 4. Later on around 9 I will go with this other girl named Deandra to a haunted house in Tracy and then hang out with her. Life is going good so far. I am just riding this wave called life not expecting anything special but it is all good. Sigma Lambda Beta all the way. Another day with my brothers from Coast To Coast. Never give too much of yourself to anyone but yourself. Stay tuned for more that is in store.

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New me.

I haad decided a couple weeks go to delete everything on here that I had written. I am a new person that has realized over the last couple weeks something about girls. In the end, every girl I have come across has stabbed me in the back or stood me up for one reason or another. Therefore, I am done. I am done trying to be friendly with any girl and with trying to getting to know them. I will resort back to my old ways which I really didn’t want to but I don’t have a choice. I am going to be the old Matt that will flirt and not give a crap about any girl and no intention of getting in a relatiionship. I am going to do what I want when I want again. Tired of putting a girl and her feelings as a priority. The only priority in my life now is me and if you think you can change that, go right ahead and try. I a done though being the nice guy. The nice guy has not gotten me anywhere except hurt. All these girls seriously just want a bad boy in the end which is fine with me. The only true ones out there are my ΣΛΒ brothers COAST TO COAST. This is just the beginning. I will make a name for myself and something that only I am proud of since only my opinion matters to me at this point in time.