taylorsikorski

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It hurts me to look back on relationships and events in my life where I know I was being cold, reactionary, and hostile. But there’s something so comforting in accepting that some things are just my fault. I think this has been one of the best lessons of my Saturn Return. It’s important to not judge ourselves for ways we acted in the past, especially in moments where we were responding to our own trauma but didn’t really know that at the time. We somehow rationalized it, and it’s okay. It’s also okay to hold yourself accountable for the ways we’ve hurt other people, even if it felt like they were hurting us too. 

Sometimes I wish I could go back and say sorry, but I also know how intrusive and weird it can be for people to randomly try to contact you just to say sorry to ease their own guilt. I’ll sit with it and meditate on it. I’m sorry <3 

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“Caroline and I would get drunk on wine in the living room and analyze Taylor Swift videos. We’d snap out of it 2 hours later around midnight and burn off some rage by running around the backyard and flinging ourselves onto the trampoline. The glass door nearly shattered last time I dramatically slammed it shut to send mixed signals to everyone in the neighborhood. I was careful to let it shut quietly this time, two cold beers condensating in my impatient hands as I set my phone down face-up on the concrete steps of the front porch. I was careful when I set it down but it still somehow shattered. I walked out of my shoes onto the wet grass, I got grossed out when my tootsies touched the part of the grass under the trampoline where it’s slimy and weird and fucked up. I threw the beers in the air, so as to race them back down to earth, as we all eventually succomb to gravity, you see. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I shot myself in the foot by giving those two cans a running start- because of their aerodynamic shape, they were almost to the finish line so I was getting desperate to land on the trampoline before they did. I dived in as hard as I could, writhing amongst the rusty wet springs as they pinched my hands and bit down on all of my fabric. I clawed forward toward the center of the trampoline where me and the beer cans would shortly collide, unbeknownst to moi. I tried to slow down but it was too late and me and the beer cans slid into the home plate at the center, needless to say me and the beer cans both sputtered everywhere and ruined the trampoline, just like I did with the glass door even though I said I was careful, I wasn’t. I knew you weren’t going to knock on my door and say you were sorry, so I just broke the door. I’m lucky that my best friend was a Gemini, they are the high priestesses of inventing fun distractions.”

STAY TUNE for some more historic spring break stories

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Portraits of my three best friends in their natural habitats- Katie, Caroline, and Jessica in the Summer of 2012. And then a self portrait of me with my purple Holga. Olympia, Washington.

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Aww me with blonde hair, September 2016. Selfies can be so fucking magical and healing- I was in a really damaging relationship at this time, and I specifically remember how much this photo shoot lifted my spirits and helped me feel self-absorbed/appreciated in the most amazing way. Get hot and take pics of yourself whenever you want!!!

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Some light switch covers I made in ceramics class. 

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Empire Builder, Detroit -->Seattle, August 2011. This was basically my first time seeing non-flat land, and it was while I was on my way to move to Olympia, Washington when I was 20 years old. This one roll of film shows the progression of the landscape beginning in Montana, then through the Cascades, and coming out the other side into in the misty, dark, Pacific Northwest. My first time seeing any of it, and I just knew I was home.

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Abundant glows in Detroit, Michigan. December 2016

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Self-portrait of me during a v depressing time in my life, November 2016.

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My resolution for the new year is to be emo as shit

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my best collage

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A couple movie stills, This is Living, 2009 <3

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A ceramic cemetery dioramamama. 2010 <3

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When I was in 12th grade, I thought it was very important to put your name on every single artwork you upload to the internet. #2009

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#throwback to this curious collage thing

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Me being chill

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I am in love with these portraits by @blaineewig

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Blaine & Marty in Oakland, CA. March 2016. Photo editing cred to @blaineewig